Aibu to write this guy off our first night together?

But if they are only a couple of dates in and they’ve already lost interest they are unlikely to stick around in the first place. Why would they even bother?

I have no idea what you’re even trying to argue about or why?

The only point I was raising is that there are men who will pursue a woman until sex and then immediately lose interest. A pp said she thinks this is a myth. It really isn’t- there are lots of men like this. It’s due to deep rooted misogyny.

He’s a pig. Block him and move on.

Yes and they can end up in relationships where the woman didnt withhold sex, and then cheat when they lose interest.

i didn’t say it “changes anything” - I just said that sometimes men like this do end up in relationships.

Well your own example of your friend marrying a virgin but still losing interest and cheating on her just goes to show length of time waiting doesnt change anything.

I’m not sure what we are arguing about in that case? Sounds like we both agree. I’m not advocating that women should withhold sex- better to know early on if you are with that type of misogynist tbh!

He tried to treat you poorly, to play it like he was so cool.🙄
He has made a complete tit of himself.
He did you such a favour.

Yes some men do lose interest after sex. But if that's the case the length of time before sex is irrelevant. Waiting until after marriage to have sex is quite rare nowadays.

Yes but by then they were married. Although after that he cheated on her loads. After a certain point of commitment there are lots of other reasons why people are much less likely to walk away from a relationship even if the spark has gone. At the beginning of a relationship if the spark goes that’s almost always is the end. .

Truly losing interest after sex is a thing. There are many men like this.

OP first of all I think you've handled this all well, including standing up for yourself here against the insinuation that you 'put out too early'. Btw. I'm over 50 and thirty years ago wouldn't have thought that I'd be moving too fast in your shoes. But that was in a different country.

As concerns the above, though - I do think that women continue to be considerably more vulnerable than men in sexual encounters. Contraception fails; there's the difference in strength and vulnerability to coercion, the intensity with which women are judged (as evident also on here) and so forth.

So I'd guess that women are more cautious on average because they risk more. Society would have to change a lot further for that to change... anyway I hope the next man who is good company doesn't turn out to be just after a shag.

Well, only OP knows because she was there. But must have had her doubts, or would not have started the thread. Men can have performance anxiety when a relationship suddenly changes to a sexual one. Of course, he might just be a wanker. All I'm saying is that I'd have met up with him one more time to find out.

Honestly how would you feel if the guy you slept with completely changed his personality the minute the sex was finished. If the guy was shy or self conscious or even cold in any way I'm sure the OP would have noticed that on their previous dates. And to go from calling and texting before they were intimate to no response followed by a few texts of minimal words. You really think you would put it down to sudden shyness.

Maybe! I'm not the OP and only she could read the situation, but if it were me I'd see him again to check out whether my interpretation was correct, rather than making some fairly damning assumptions about someone I'd liked well enough to get into bed with.

I think it’s sad to see no doubt well-meant excuses like shyness or preoccupation with work. Have we not come further than this ‘He only hurts you because he feels comfortable with you’ mentality? Surely that is a relic from the 1960s? It’s just sad.

yes they were rubbish weren't they and his intentions glaringly obvious in their contrived minimalism. He's actually a bit of a wordsmith to get so much implied fault on the OP's part... having ignored her in the morning and subsequently only "recovered yet?" followed sometime later "you not talking now." He must have spent time whittling them down to as few words as possible.
He probably thought that last one would provoke OP into saying why she was annoyed... so that he could start up a dialogue again.
The cheek of it
Instead she blocked him. Hilarious.

You've dodged a bullet! I think you've read the situation accurately. Not looking at you is bad enough, the tone of his texts insult to injury. Better to find out after 3 weeks than 3 months!

Nope YANBU

I had one like this about 5 years ago
he was shocked when I dumped him, which I have never understood.

scarily similar story slept with him about 3/4 dates, stayed over and it was awkward like I shouldnt have been there. He then went to not texting me back until 3-4pm in the afternoon.

why he was baffled when I dumped him after this and came to the conclusion he was not that keen if beyond me ?

friends I found during my dating days were well meaning but hopeless at giving advice - I was very rarely ‘off’ when my gut instinct was telling me something was wrong so you wont be either

I’m not shouting. Nor am I effusing about her fortitude & worth .As you correctly say I’m happily in the minority on this. Self evident I don’t agree with the op or the majority

Your opinion is definitely in the minority on this thread - by some margin. I think I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of posters who think op is being unreasonable. Shouting the loudest doesn’t make your opinion the majority.

We as in a group of people not I as an individual. I've read the thread that's why I said what I said. I've noticed you are in the minority on this thread.

You framed it as a global we. The reported we isn’t the majority (read the thread)
Thread isn’t about me. Thread is about op disappointment and subsequent anger

Maybe. I think we all feel a bit different in daylight once sober! 😉

Shyness that affects him making eye contact, but doesn't stop him undressing and having sex the night before? This feels like quite a reach to make excuses for the guy's poor behaviour. OP has seen it for what it was and made the right decision to move on.

This. You’re worth more.

It could have been shyness, though - or self-consciousness about getting dressed in the morning. Women aren't the only ones to feel insecure!

However, OP is trusting her gut so knows better than I do what the mood was.