Aibu to write this guy off our first night together?

That’s awful for you. I’d feel upset too. Using bastard. Don’t give him anymore of your time. Disrespectful piece of shit. Take care.x

It’s about them both. They’re both involved
Hes not into her and he nipped off as planned
She has experienced disappointment, and feel used

It has an ouch factor for @KookySnail

Oh by the best of us. I meant life experience, latest dating needs from friends and colleagues, general knowledge. I have zero known friends on here. 😯

Don't get the transient reference.
But to your reference (in italics) Maybe, maybe not, but who cares? We've made our point and I hope OP realises this is not about her, but him and swerves a bad one.

I’ve had two men say to me during my dating life that if a man really likes a girl then the first “morning after” he will make her breakfast (eggs etc), go out to fetch breakfast (pastries and coffee), or take her out to breakfast. It’s been true for every man I’ve had a meaningful relationship or connection with, including my husband.

Throw this one back.

I suspect your responses are transient and best of us won’t return to reappraise your musings either.

I do understand discursive forums and you are perfectly entitled to your own opinion. I suspect the best of us aren't you that bothered with your response. I hope OP isn't as she should just focus on her own reaction which should be "well that's that then. Thanks for the food time". And focus on finding her own happiness be it a good guy who makes her and feel good for all the right reasons. She will.

And don’t see him again. You’re hurt and feel used. That’s not the basis to see each other again.

You're not "overreacting" at all; that comment doesn't even make sense. You're not saying you're going to report this man to the police or start a social media campaign against him or stalk him and exact revenge, just that you won't see him again. I wouldn't either.

But I expect you won't hear from him as he's most likely a one-and-done, conquest-driven, bedpost notcher type - and if you do, I'd assume he's hit a dry spot and you're better than nothing. But you'd be setting yourself up for a miserable time if you see him again knowing how unsettled and disappointed you felt the last time. The absolute nicest and most benign interpretation of this man's behaviour is that he doesn't give a damn about you and simply does what he wants. It doesn't sound like that's what you're looking for from dating, so put yourself first and don't give him any more mental energy, whether he contacts you again or not. You don't owe him anything.

But she was interested in the sex too and enjoyed it. If romance and sex are significant then she should have made sure that criteria was being fulfilled before the sex. He didn’t promise romance. She hoped,and expected. They did not have a dialogue that set out expectations or parameters. they had sex, he’s off to gym and planned activities. She is left feeling used. Two v different outcomes. If one links sex to romance and/or commitment then you need to communicate that to your partner,That with sex comes expectation of relationship and commitment. Sometimes adults just have sex. No commitment,no relationship. Sex and uber home

Go with your instincts and ditch him. He’s a user. Like someone who wants to borrow money is as nice pie until they get the cash. The lack of eye contact would make me extremely uncomfortable.

This

Yeah, entirely besides the point what this poster thinks about OP feeling used! What the heck.

Of course she feels used - she thought she was having sex with someone who had romantic feelings for her, and she wouldn't have had sex with him if she'd known he was only interested in sex and nothing more.

Do you understand how discursive forums work?
Stranger posts a scenario. Invites readers to comment. I, We, You comment
Sometimes( gasp!) People disagree.
You can rock up giving it about someone else scenario. I am not compelled to agree with you, or the op @KookySnail

Who cares if you disagree with how she feels? You’re not her. He was affectionate before they had sex, he wasn’t after. Based on his treatment of her before, she wasn’t expecting how he treated her after, so she is entitled to feel how she feels. It’s not a case of not feeling it after, it’s a case of this bloke being disrespectful and misleading.

Do not agree with used you had consensual sex,you enjoyed it. You put out by choice
So, you’re not now planning which prep schools and forever after but no you weren’t used
Great sex in the moment, not feeling it the day after, flat connection later on. It happens
Move on

I’m grossed out for you by his behavior. He couldn’t even bother to pretend with a bit of post coitus cuddling. Yeah, he’ll probably be back, if he wants to try to get his dick wet again. But why would anyone want to get with him even if just casually, if what’s on offer isn’t even a little physical time together after sex? He seems repulsive and I’d get the ick.

Meanwhile your gify is just the change of pace and the cuddly energy needed in your life… 😄

Agreed!

Throw this one back. It's nothing you have done or didn't do. He's not the one for you and probably won't be anyone's "one". If you had waited for 4th or 5th date things wouldn't be any different. He's a game player. Don't play. Enjoy the time and you had for the few dates and the good sex and walk away. Don't let him give you crumbs to be grateful for. He will come back at some point but block him out. I'm saying this the benefit of experience (wish I knew Mumsnet would existed at the time we would have probably saved me 2 years). The right man is out there for you, someone who doesn't make you feel like this. Walk away.

I just feel very used

I get it, but there will never be any way for you, or women in general, to know which men are only after sex. So be picky who you date, enjoy your time with them, have sex when you want. You did those things, you had good sex, and you found out he is not it and not worth more of your time. You've got what you want too, in a different way. You are making the decision to call it off just as much as he is.

Yeh he sounds gross. He got what he wanted and immediately withdrew.
Put him in the bin and start fresh. He’s not worth your time or energy!

i Don’t know your age OP but this played out in my imagination as a scene in Sex and the City(sitc). Maybe Miranda or Carrie but like a switch was flipped and they’re done and off!
if you like post sex closeness via cuddling or talking or a shared morning then his style is not for you. You don’t have to decide today you can wait to see if he contacts you but i would want to be in higher contact post intimacy not less “he’s busy” contact.

I was single in my 40s and with DH and I waited a lot longer than 3 dates (I didn’t with previous men) and I could tell he was very serious about me and my dc

Not overreacting. He sounds like a tosser. I'd call it off.

What a dick, I’d just block him. He might contact you when he fancies a shag, but as he has already shown that he doesn't treat you as you want to be treated so early in the relationship, he’s really not worth it. Your friends standards are lower than yours, that’s her choice, but I’d say keep the bar high. Put it down to experience. Next time, I’d set out your expectations with anyone new. My friend is dating and can’t believe how many shit men there are out there.