Aibu to write this guy off our first night together?

He is his own man and has and will always be like this. This is him for real. Take it or leave it. In my day we went out with people for much longer, say two months, before sharing favours. You knew by then what they were out for. One bloke at uni said to me: You are not the kind of girl I am looking for. Fair enough, he was not the kind of guy I was looking for. Stayed on the bus............

You’re not overreacting OP. You feel used because he did use you. Throw this one back.

Definitely not overreacting. Put this one down to experience.

Not overreacting. Sorry. There are better men out there

Absolutely trust your own instincts OP. I’m sorry but he’s not the one for you.

Getting up at 7am and going to the gym would be enough to put me off! Seems he has too much self love to share with anyone else. As long as he feels good is all that matters to him.
So yeah, bin him off as it seems he would never really make time for you anyway.

No he sounds beyond awful. Don’t waste your time and energy on him.

No he got what he wanted and didn’t want you there and made sure you knew it. He may get in touch when he wants sex again but this is probably all he needs. The gentleman part was probably all part of his plan.

He's not for you, you took a chance by sleeping with him, your decision and now you can choose to dump him.

He's shown you his true colours. Men can wait or string you along for as long as they like and use you.
I know someone who waited six months and the guy still left.

It's a chance we take with dating OP, he'll be on to the next one, but there are good men out there too.

I don’t think any woman should be comfortable with the way he behaved, shows attention when he wants sex but once he gets it can’t be bothered and treats her like an inconvenience.

@KookySnail listen to yourbsistrh sense and move on. He will probably reach out again when he wants to have sex again the treat you the same once he gets what he wants. It doesn’t costs anything to show affection after sex not just turn your back and get on his phone wham bam done.

Please dump him and tell him it was because the sex was shit.

he's a user, you're well shot of him. He was keen as mustard or dates one and two, because he hadn't yet got he wanted. As soon as he had, he discarded you like a used Kleenex. He is not someone to have in your life, he has no respect for you.

don't bother explaining to him why you never want to see him again, just block and move on, he doesn't deserve an explanation.

he wasn't invested in you and didn't care about how you felt, not after 3 weeks.

Sounds like a selfish dickhead. I’d completely ignore if he did get in contact again.

To me ,sex is part of a serious long term relationship
With Sex on the third date ,its easy for men to put on their best personalities and hold the nice guy act untill they get what they want .
Make them wait 3/4 months and you see more of the real person,who they are .
Each to their own.
I've been with my husband 35 years ,we were engaged before we slept together.
That's not even how things were done at the time it's just how I am .,it was different even then.
I suppose I had high standards for myself.id had plenty of dates ,and those who just wanted sex soon realised that wasn't on offer ,and disappeared.
Op your feeling upset about how he treated you ,and I would of felt very upset to ,I definitely would not give him a second chance .I hope you get the satisfaction of refusing another date with him x

Yes, his behaviour is pretty awful. Even if he had to be up in the morning, 10 mins cuddling is the minimum i’d expect. I slept with someone on a 3rd date (an ex colleague, so I knew him already) and he was very attentive afterwards, and has been when i’ve slept with him on other occasions. That said, he still turned out to be a twat, so I don’t know. Cuddles and compliments doesn’t always mean they are a good person and don’t have a hidden agenda as this guy does (and more fool me for going back for more recently). But this behaviour would definitely put me off and judging by what you’ve said, could be likely he will either ghost you, or say he didn’t feel a connection type bullshit. I’d feel pretty used.

Op if he does contact you let us know what happened if possible it would be interesting to know how the tosser behaves now

No yanbu. As others have said, he will only be back if / when at a loose end to scratch an itch. I found this when I was trying to find words to say to my dd about potentially being used by guys. I didn’t find everything relevant. But I did particularly like the comment about holding out for commitment scaring the guys, who are only after sex away. www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/sex/why-women-should-make-men-wait-for-sex-part-ii

It's a shame you feel asleep and stayed. I would have been as casual as him and just left after the sex, that way you would have felt a bit in control.
Anyway fuck him and don't bother if he texts again, you deserve better and he is a selfish bastard. Hope you find what your looking for OP. Oh and dont listen to your friend she is just being nice.

Sorry op I totally get how you feel must have been awful for you. See if he contacts you and how he seems then.

Oh what rubbish. He was warm and affectionate with her until he got laid, then as soon as he achieved his goal he was cold and distant and couldn’t even bring himself to make basic conversation or look her in the eye! Of course he was misleading. He presented his regard for her as something it wasn’t in order to manipulate her into sex and then immediately withdrew the things he was pretending to offer.

OP your feelings are valid. Trust your instincts and definitely do not continue to see this man. I love the suggestion by the pp of taking control and texting him that you’re are not interested in moving forward.

xx

Well rid of.
Don't waste a fourth date.

@KookySnail I would block him otherwise he would pop back in a few weeks and start trying to engage with you

You sound utterly insufferable

I'm really shocked at some of the reactions on here. Of course he used you, he's absolutely bloody disgusting. He just threw you away afterwards. If he had treated you like that beforehand you would never have slept with him. Don't give him any opportunity to contact you.

I would feel exactly as you do OP if I were in this situation. He was horrible and dismissive and was practically throwing you out afterwards. He found it easy enough to pretend to be interested in you romantically beforehand so he could have made a bit more of an effort not to behave like a selfish pig afterwards even if he didn't ask you out again.