Aibu to write this guy off our first night together?

He sounds like an absolute w*nker. All that awkwardness he imposed on you afterwards. You were a guest in his home at the very least, which deserves even the most basic of manners. The fact that you were his lover and not a paid escort seems to have escaped this man. It sounds like the whole date was planned around his needs, with him living so close to the venue etc. A friend would have told you what their Sunday plans were beforehand and asked if that was ok. He couldn’t even do that. No, you’re definitely not overreacting OP.

i dont think you will hear from him again. This is what many men do.

Poor you, OP. I imagine he hoped that you'd get up and go after sex. He'd behaved impeccably to get you into bed, got what he wanted and after that you were of no further interest. He'll probably contact you again and be nice next time he wants sex and he hasn't got anyone else on the go. It's not you being over-sensitive, it's a horrible feeling thinking you've been conned by a guy who was only ever after one thing. Don't be sad, get angry!

I’d feel the same OP. He is being dismissive of you , like you've served your purpose now go .

Sorry you're feeling used 😞it's not a nice feeling. I think this guy is only looking for sex. I don't think I'd trust him again either

Ooohhh OP this happened to me once! Have no idea if it will be the same explanation but I'll tell you anyway.

So, was seeing this guy. He seemed really keen, a real gentleman, really into me. Slept with him... Boom, he's ignoring me. He goes home, I don't hear from him for days. Total tone shift. I'm in bits because I thought we were at the start of something.

So, next time we spoke (he eventually replied to my text and he asked to meet up) I broke things off via video chat lol. He was shocked and really upset, asked why, I told him exactly why.

It was a long conversation, but he revealed he had read online that the best way to get a woman hooked on you is to ignore her after sleeping with her when you first start sleeping together. He told me that. He read that somewhere. He only did it because he wanted me to like him more, he thought he liked me more than I liked him.

I told him it was bullshit, I liked him well enough before and it hurt me.

Even if this is the case, definitely chuck him cus it's mental.

Aw he sounds awful OP. You’re not BU.

I’ve never slept with a guy I’m not in a relationship with but when I was single I’ve seen some men pile on the pressure on the first few dates because they expected sex within days or weeks. It was ridiculous. Sometimes I’ve almost thought should I just do it to keep the peace or make them hang around which is awful. But seeing stories like this reminds that men who are like that will be unpleasant once the deed is done anyway.

They are still “seeing how it goes” and “don’t want to put a label on it”, but how dare I say no I won’t engage in what can be a very emotionally and physically risky and vulnerable act with them.

It’s unfortunate how so many men are out there just to use women.

The thing is there are women who would be happy with casual sex, but I feel these kind of men actively avoid those ones and target women looking for relationships. Perhaps they find it more gratifying and more of a challenge to get in bed with a woman who is hoping for something more serious/ a relationship? Either way it’s disgusting behaviour really.

That’s horrible, I’m so sorry you went through that. I think some men do like to date women into sex (women who are not looking for casual sex) as some sort of ego thing or that they want casual sex but look down on women who want the same so look to have casual sex with women who are looking for a relationship by pretending they are too.

Either way I’d chalk it up as an experience and good that you at least found out early on and didn’t waste more dates and emotion on him.

I imagine he will come up again, IME they tend to pop up when they want more sex and chance their arm even when they’ve been arses. A friend once said “it’s easier for a fisherman to fish the same hole” which is grim but helped remind me why men who weren’t fully interested were still texting intermittently 🫤.

theoturkeygoeswest. I 100% agree with you. A couple of dates,a few weeks, into bed,sex and people expect romanticism. "Let the man wait till the 3rd date!" Everyone else thinks it's the man's fault,poster was up for it and said she enjoyed it,it takes 2 to tango. Making the man wait!! In a decent relationship,at the start these things would be discussed between the 2 of you.

He sounds cold. Morning sex is the best thing ever and he prefers the gym?!
Avoid him. You can do better. Seriously a vibrator would give you more emotional satisfaction.

Sounds like it was all about the conquest, he may be back looking for a repeat but now you know what he's like I'd give it a miss.

God, what a calculating user of a bastard. He led you to believe he was genuine and that you might be developing something. Now it is time for you to turn the tables and behave as though you used him. Do not think of yourself as a victim. You have had good advice from PPs. Use it.

I'm surprised he didnt order you a taxi after he'd finished. He couldnt have made it any clearer you were not wanted.

i wouldn't bother with him again.

It's not having plans the following day that's the problem. Its fine for him to have plans. How he treated you was shitty.

Tell him you don’t want to see him again, and mean it. Why wait for him to start wooing you again because he wants sex? He was rude. Not the getting up early so much as no morning kiss and no cuddle
or nice words after sex. He’s not what you are looking for.

I don't think I've ever read a more blatantly obvious scenario of a man giving the woman a clear message! She is no longer required. I imagine him as Patrick Bateman from American Psycho! Everything is about him.

Sorry you've been treated this way OP it must be very hurtful. I'd be gutted to be honest. What an absolute bastard.

Go with your gut feeling don't see him again.

It's a tale as old as time. He obtained what he was after; the chase is over for him and I'd put money on him sourcing his next shag on the apps. The rhetoric that women must wait three dates before sleeping with a man is so prevalent that he was almost certainly anticipating you sleeping with him.

The ugly truth is, (with a caveat that I don't agree that this is right) plenty of men love the chase and once it is over, they will view you as a challenge conquered. This was exemplified by the shift in your date's mood, demeanor and general body language. Three meetings could be seen as an incredibly short period of time to let a virtual stranger inside of your body. If you are looking for a relationship, it is far better for your soul to take your time and find out if a man is worthy of being so intimate with you.

Dump him. Poor sex and morning after manners are every bit as bad as picking your teeth and belching.

Sorry for how awfully you've been treated, OP. The "ghosting" afterwards is revealing, especially considering how he was texting you regularly before. As others have said, forget him and move on.

How awful. I would never see this man again.
Brush yourself off, do some self care. He’s shown you who he is early on. I’d block him, or if not, if he messages you again don’t answer. He’ll only be after another shag anyway. What a cretin he is.

He was struck down with ‘Post-Coital Get Out of my House Syndrome’.

He’ll be distant until he wants another shag, when the cycle of being nice will recommence. Don’t get sucked back in.

He just wanted sex, that is what he meant by 'can't wait for our third date'. Sorry he proved unworthy of you.

Ah sorry OP that is shitty, it's an awful feeling. Chalk it up and move on. Do something nice for yourself today.

As the saying goes- he’s shown you who he is so believe him.
No kindness or even basic good manners after sex. Particularly after being tactile etc during the evening. In my mind he very obviously only wanted one thing. He may contact you again- probably if he wants sex but do you want to continue seeing someone who treats you like this?
My advice would be to quickly move on from people who do not make you feel good. I wouldn’t contact him, if he contacts you then your choice if you totally ignore or explain that you didn’t appreciate his behaviour and don’t want to see him again.
Thanks for the offer of another date. Although the date and the sex were both fine. I didn’t like the way you behaved directly afterwards or in the morning so would rather not continue to date. Take care
This is just factual and doesn’t make you seem overly invested or dramatic but gives a clear message you are worth more. Which you are. I know how hard dating can be but don’t settle for this sort of treatment.

Next time maybe get to know a man for longer than 3 dates before having sex with him, if your not wanting casual. I know waiting longer doesnt guarantee anything but at least gives you longer to gauge how he lives his life and how much effort he puts into making time for you.