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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to write this guy off our first night together?

467 replies

KookySnail · 25/08/2025 01:02

I’m considering c

OP posts:
Donttellempike · 25/08/2025 09:32

AgathaCristina · 25/08/2025 09:30

Don't meet him again, send him a text telling him you felt used after sex, not even a hug afterwards! And black him. Bye bye.
You deserve better.

God don’t do that! Don’t demean yourself. Just block him. Plenty more fish in the sea

Empress13 · 25/08/2025 09:32

He’s a dick end of . Unfortunately OP not all men are gentlemen and that is life. Put it down to experience albeit a bad one and forget about him. My spidey senses tho are wondering if he had made plans to see another woman and not his friend? Either way he disrespected you so move on

AgathaCristina · 25/08/2025 09:30

Don't meet him again, send him a text telling him you felt used after sex, not even a hug afterwards! And black him. Bye bye.
You deserve better.

MummaMummaMumma · 25/08/2025 09:29

No, that's unacceptable. He's treated you badly the night before and then again the following morning. You can do better.

ItWasCalledYellow · 25/08/2025 09:27

He has shown you what he is actually like, If he makes contact again, arrange to meet for a drink and do not show up. 😆

EnjoythemoneyJane · 25/08/2025 09:22

Yeah, you won’t hear from him again, OP, unless it’s a random booty call some time in the future. Keep your silence and your dignity, block and move on.

Some men are manipulative fucking arseholes who are very good at disguising who they really are until they get what they want.

Donttellempike · 25/08/2025 09:21

Thebigonesgetaway · 25/08/2025 09:16

I think he really didn’t want you to stay the night, and he failed to tell you that outright, just heavily hinted and tried to make it obvious. Then couldn’t get over his mood as you didn’t take the hint, so yeah it’s probably over. He behaved badly. And he should have said it explicitly when he realised you weren’t leaving.

He should have said it before they had sex.

OhNoNotSusan · 25/08/2025 09:21

that is the marvel of modern technology
you can block him

Donttellempike · 25/08/2025 09:20

Charltonstrek · 25/08/2025 05:16

Sorry op I totally get how you feel must have been awful for you. See if he contacts you and how he seems then.

Why? So he can disrespect her further? OP, just block and forget him. He’s an emotional desert

OhNoNotSusan · 25/08/2025 09:20

end it now before he has the chance to hurt you any further op

Namechangefordaughterevasion · 25/08/2025 09:18

He sounds like a user. I'd message him now along the lines of 'I think we can both agree there's no mileage in this. Good luck in the future'. Then block and move on.

KidsDoBetter · 25/08/2025 09:18

Nah 100% bin him off regardless of his next move. He might suddenly become affectionate again when he next fancies getting his leg over.
But this is either his post coitus style - which doesn’t suit you. Or he has a general weird view of women once he sleeps with them. Either way it’s a hard no for me.

The first time I slept with my partner (also date # 3) it was afternoon and I was the one who had to get back to my kids. Second time - we arranged a date and I said I’d be able to stay over on a Friday night. He was so happy and said brilliant we can spend Saturday morning in bed. And we did - obviously having more sex but also cuddling, chatting, kissing drinking coffee. It was lovely and we still do that 4 years on.

I am sorry that happened to you. I’d feel really upset too.

Thebigonesgetaway · 25/08/2025 09:16

I think he really didn’t want you to stay the night, and he failed to tell you that outright, just heavily hinted and tried to make it obvious. Then couldn’t get over his mood as you didn’t take the hint, so yeah it’s probably over. He behaved badly. And he should have said it explicitly when he realised you weren’t leaving.

pilates · 25/08/2025 09:13

Text him saying something along the lines of it not working for you, wish him the best, and keep it brief! That way you’ve dumped him without ambiguity, it’ll dent his ego, if only briefly and you, not him, are calling the shots.

^^

they weren’t in a relationship- she met him a couple of times and had sex. There is no dumping to be done and it won’t dent his ego believe me!

SparklesGlitter · 25/08/2025 09:13

Stay away. That’s a really weird thing to do. Nerves before the first time would bring out that kind of behaviour, but afterwards he wouldn’t be able to stop himself.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 25/08/2025 09:12

He used you. Sorry op.

Mary28 · 25/08/2025 09:12

Yeah that was a crap experience. He got what he wanted and no longer needed to give you any attention. Just shows you how fake he was. Why would anyone go back for more of that.

Lex345 · 25/08/2025 09:08

I feel for you OP, it did aound like he went pretty cold afterwards.

I get why people want to wait to have sex, but if you want to have sex with someone, I wouldn't try and stick to a certain number of dates-just do it when you want to and are ready-, no date, first date, whatever. Arseholes will still be arseholes after 1, 3 or 100 dates.

You find out pretty quickly if you sexually compatible, how they behave after and if earlier on, with less emotional attachment to it. I've been married 20 years, so not saying this from a place of serial one night stands either; and obviously only if you want to have sex.

The not texting wouldnt be a big deal for me, but the coldness would be.

You can and will do better :)

Sparkletastic · 25/08/2025 09:06

He was probably looking for sex rather than a girlfriend and he put just enough effort into the dates to get the required outcome.

Onthebusses · 25/08/2025 09:04

Think about what you're asking. Should you break it off now that you've seen what he's like in the beginning?

Or should you see him further, possibly catch feelings (because none of us are above catching feelings for ab absolute jerk), and make it more difficult for yourself to break up with him, causing yourself possibly years of heartache, confusion, and self-inflicted turmoil?

BunnyLake · 25/08/2025 08:57

KookySnail · 25/08/2025 01:47

Thank you for all the responses so far.

No, he didn’t word it as “can’t wait for the 3rd date” specifically. I guess I wrote it that way for context and to make the timeline clearer for the readers. He said “I’m looking forward to seeing you when you’re back” but you’re properly right in thinking he knew I’d “put out” on the 3rd date.

I just feel very used considered he’d held my hand for a lot of the night, had his arm around me while watching the band. Then the second he was “satisfied” it all switched very suddenly and I had no eye contact since.

I agree with a pp. Text him saying something along the lines of it not working for you, wish him the best, and keep it brief! That way you’ve dumped him without ambiguity, it’ll dent his ego, if only briefly and you, not him, are calling the shots.

tripleginandtonic · 25/08/2025 08:49

Maybe the sex wasn't as good for him as it was for you. Time to move on to the next date OP. The right man is out there somewhere.

Shessweetbutapsycho · 25/08/2025 08:46

KookySnail · 25/08/2025 01:23

posted far too soon.

Im considering calling things off when/if he decides to get in touch again for how he acted towards me after we first slept together. But im unsure if im jumping the gun, so to speak.

Met a guy 3 weeks ago. Had two very good dates. He was a gentleman. Very kind towards me. Late last week I went on holiday for my friends birthday, he remained in contact via text regularly. Told me he can’t wait for our 3rd date once I’m home. My flight back was on Friday, and our 3rd date was last night. I came to his side of the city we live in and we went out for cocktails and to watch a band play. Afterwards we went back to his which was around the corner from the venue. Everything felt right and we slept together for the first time (first time I’d had sex in over 6 months). It was very good, passionate… we both enjoyed it. Everything I thought it would be.

The second it was over and he’d ‘finished’ he exclaimed how good it was, then turned his back to me, grabbed his phone and set his alarm for 7am (on a Sunday morning). He had plans with his friend in the afternoon but wanted to go to the gym beforehand early in the morning. He said “You can stay if you want but just so you know I’ll be up at 7am” he said this while his back to be. Then went straight to sleep, not facing me. I stayed on the other side of the bed and eventually fell asleep myself, I felt awkward being there. I would have expected a hug at least afterwards, but put it down to him being tired I guess.

Alarm went off at 7am, we both woke up. I said good morning, he replied in kind. Again no touching or looking over at me, he jumped straight out of bed. We got to sleep at 2am so I’m pretty tired, but I get up out of bed myself and go to his bathroom. By the time I get out he’s looking through his wardrobe deciding what he wants to wear for the day. I sit on his bed and book my Uber, I attempt to make small talk, and ask more about his plans for the day with his friend. Again doesn’t look at me which replying. At this point I felt like I’d served my purpose the night before and was no longer nessessary.

my uber arrives, he walks me to his door, the uber driver has parked at the end of his street due to road works that had taken place over the week. He says bye to me as I walk down the road.

Ive not heard from him at all. No “did you get home okay?” Or “I had a good night” text. Nothing.

My friend is convinced he’ll eventually text and he was just busy today, but being busy has never stopped him before. And to be honest I’m a put out by how distant he was after we had sex for the first time. He knows I don’t have casual sex and hadn’t slept with anyone for over 6 months, I felt like his behaviour was inconsiderate and I feel quite used. If he does decide to reach out to me again I don’t think I’ll want to continue as this has made me view him in a different light.

my friend thinks I’m overreacting. Am I?

This is a classic case of ‘if he really wanted to, he would.’ How long does it honestly take someone to pick up their phone and send a text? Don’t let your friend convince you this behaviour is acceptable, it’s not.

diddl · 25/08/2025 08:44

I would have expected him not to set the alarm for 7 tbh.

I agree with a pp that sex again in the morning is usual.

Sounds as if it was more of a ONS for him.

OhNoNotSusan · 25/08/2025 08:43

that sounds horrible op, he is clueless

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