Aibu to write this guy off our first night together?

Agree, it's the same as boys who say they didn't fancy you anyway when you turn them down. Childish.

Very true, op he was warning you that Mr seductive would morph into Mr vain and gymm obsessed shortly after he had relieved himself.

I'm sorry, but he was hinting at you to leave by saying to stay but that he had to get up early. I know it's not nice to leave somewhere in the middle of the night. Then following through and getting up early with the alarm, to hammer his point. He probably went back to bed after you left, I've done this before myself. I never stay over the first time I sleep with someone new, I think the first time is kind of the try out to see what it's like. Intimacy takes time to build. Im sorry to sound like such a 🐮 xx - I am a single parent though, in my 40s(I only bring bfs home when child is at her Dads and after some considerable time), I think it's just different when you're older and dating

Sadly, I doubt you’ll hear from him again anyway OP. You did nothing wrong, he’s a desperate areshole.

Has he texted you?

Classic sleezebag that got what he want from you OP then dropped you literally the minute after he got it.

Classic gym obsessed narcassistic bellend that will be on the hunt for his next bedpost notch.

He's shown you who he really is plain as day, so if you entertain him any further it will only lead to disappointment.

Thanks!

I saw the starting posts and her latest posts but not the one in the middle!

I think it's this, he is gratified by the chase and the feeling of victory he gets when he obtains sex from you.
Once you've been conquered he loses interest and treats you like a free at the point of use sex worker.
I would ignore him from now on.

Also OP says she told him she does not so casual so he was well aware.

Which makes his behaviour worse.

Have you read the OP’s posts?

He has used you. I don’t agree that it’s just a mismatch in what you wanted - it’s perfectly possible for him to make clear he wants casual if that’s the case and for his behaviour to be consistent. Instead he chose to lie by presenting himself as something he wasn’t.

It’s not your fault OP and I think this is really common. I’ve even heard men excuse this as a biological thing that women won’t understand - they’ve involved to have sex then leave and find someone else to impregnate. Delightful.

I find it very disturbing that someone can put on an act so easily and then just drop it. It’s not just that they’re being a bit more distant. Men like this often become so cold that it makes me feel they don’t even see the woman as fully human - just an object they’ve used.

However I actually think he’s done you a favour. I think men like this often have a certain kind of attachment style which is not conducive to healthy relationships. Why would you even consider continuing with someone like this? This is the point it should still be exciting and texting each other all the time. He’s had sex with you, refused to even look at you after and not been in contact since.

Even if someone did just want casual sex, and some of the excitement was gone once it was over, a normal person would still be respectful and polite the next day. I mean, I am nicer than that to acquaintances at work. Never mind someone I’ve been texting constantly and then had sex with.

Worked together?

I fall asleep straight after sex - I just can help it. (And automatically turn to sleep the way I usually do, even if I start off facing the other way round for the few seconds I remain awake).

Not saying the guy isn't a dick - just that some of us sleep after sex and aren't conscious enough for post coital cuddling and spooning...

He’s made it clear he used you for sex and got what he wanted his actions the next day proved that I slept with someone once I met on a app many many years ago when I was single and we both knew it was just sex but next day he still walked me to the bus and gave me a coffee point Is the guy Just used you and of course it’ll be upsetting better off without him he’s probably already meeting someone else now setting up his next shag

Also meant to add…. at the time I blamed myself for sleeping with him too soon (actually had a massive thread about it here at the time)! If I were dating again, god forbid, I would still sleep with the person early on for 2 reasons: to weed out the guys who do this and also to weed out the ones with erectile dysfunction/micropenises. I say this from bitter experience and also as I’m too old now to tolerate the stuff I did in my younger, insecure days.

I’m so intrigued by this dynamic.

it kind of sounds like having sex with you was something on his to-do list when you worked together, and now he’s ticked it off he’s done with you. Seems like he planned this in advance.

how old are you both?

That's pretty shoddy behaviour. I'd not wait for a second go tbh.

I’ve been there OP, it’s horrible isn’t it. My scenario was very similar to yours except it was at my house and he left in the early hours of the morning. It really knocked my confidence and I was so upset, especially after the long build up, just to end up being ghosted.

Trust me, he’ll get back in touch at some stage when he wants more - I heard from the guy about a month later. I didn’t reply and blocked him…. It was really hard to stick to this as my self esteem was v poor at the time, but I’m so glad I did this now in hindsight.

OP - if I'd had your instincts when I was dating I would have avoided a lot of heartache and wasted time!

100% agree with your approach of not texting him.

It's true though, what's to "see through"? She did find the experience disappointing and she does want to end it.

I don’t understand a word of this. Can you translate into normal speak?

That’s not necessarily true. I slept with someone in the second or third date and we were together six years. I waited months with another (my decision) and we fizzled out before we ever did it. I think it’s very much down to how each person feels about the other.

How is having sex with someone committing to anything or being tied down? Your views are exceptionally old fashioned.

I'm in my 60s and when in our day you didn't sleep with someone, you could have several blokes on the go, having a good time, meeting lots of new people, and generally enjoying your youth. The minute you commit to a physical relationship, you were tied down with one stooge. Yuk! I was foot loose and fancy free till the right one came along and I knew it straight away. He was gorgeous in so many ways and we've been married 45 years and still blissfully happy.

Can't see any reason why you'd even consider seeing him again 🤷