My partner broke up with me for telling lies

I’d be breathing sighs of relief that four extra kids no longer loom in my future. Setting up home with him, you’d likely have found he’d suddenly find it possible for them to spend a hell of a lot more time chez vous.

Gordon Bennett though, some guy in his early thirties treating you cruelly, cadging cash from you, and then waffling on about having his damn feelings validated: you really do not need this nonsense. You are a young woman with two kids, and though that scene is doubtless difficult, it at least is only your own business to handle.

I’d steer well clear of tricky guys like this, and either tattoo or write in Biro on your forearm the reminder that love affairs should enhance your happiness and optimism rather than magnify insecurities and shrivel your spirit.
You’ve nothing to berate yourself about, and nobody else has the right to make you feel the need to apologise for your life.
Good luck, and don’t weaken and pander to this bloke’s sense of what’s due to him as a man.

He sounds like a waste of space.
You need to put your kids before useless men who borrow money and definitely won't pay it back.
He was controlling and weird.
Plus any man who has 4 kids and sees them every other weekend is a piece of crap .

You have done nothing wrong OP. He sounds awful, really worrying behaviour from him. Stay strong, take it a day at a time and move forward without him

Your boyfriend is dramatic. The first one wasn’t his business and the second he was paranoid about a trip with friends.

Let him stay gone, he’s a controlling child. You shouldn’t be scared to tell your partner things… especially when you hadn’t done anything wrong!

Dont expect to see the money he owes you.

Definitely don't write off the debt OP. He needs to pay you back what he owes, and it's shocking that he hasn't already.

Op I think you are secretive because you fear his reaction not because you are being intentionally deceitful There is something about the tone of your post that’s strikes me this way.

I had some similar issues with DH…he’s “funny” about one single friend of mine who has been my friend for over 45 yrs. Everyone else is fine but he still acts like she and I will be hitting the bars and man hunting. It’s so annoying. I find myself timing my reveal whenever I’m going to see her whether just her or a group. It’s irrational on his part and makes me have to be more secretive than I like. I am currently sitting on a possible girls weekend in November but I’m not mentioning it until the plans are firm. I tolerate this because his other traits are worthy of overlooking this foible.

I don’t “kiss and tell” There is no need to reveal everything about your past. Your situationship was a bit sticky because of the work connection and the fact you were deceived into unknowingly being the OW and it was complicated to explain. Men do this kind of thing all the time…having had past situationships they don’t want to explain. I rather like the term situationship becuse it has a certain nuance that captures the essence of it all
i agree with PP…he’s broken up he’s on tinder and I suspect and only IMO he was looking for an out and this was it. Otherwise it could have played out as….

“I get it everyone has a past”
“I'm sure I’ve made such a big deal about “single friend” that now you are reluctant to tell me about girls weekend” see how that hits different ?

Exactly this. Your past relationships are none of his business and if you can’t tell him in advance of plans with your friends he’s an absolute controlling knob. Wave goodbye to him

How much money does he owe you @Luciferthethird ?

I'd be telling him to have it ready for you when you collect your belongings.

You had a life before you met him.

OK. It's someone he knows, but its not cheating. But given how he behaves you were too scared of his reaction to tell him. Red Flag one.

You wanted to go on holiday with your friends- he immediately thinks that you will be on the pull - not surprisingly, given this reaction you were afraid to tell him - red flag 2...

He snooped on your phone.. lied about it and found out that you had planned the holiday. Instead of asking you about it there and then, He waited a whole month saying to himself I bet she won't tell me, I bet she won't tell me. So that your sin of omission got bigger and bigger and it became harder and harder to tell him. - That speaks of a punishing character. Red flag 3

You've been supporting him and he broke up with you owing you money - Red Flag 4..

I think its really good that you are seeking help and someone to talk abou this in RL. I think you need that support. It sounds like you have been walking on eggshells with him.

If he sounds cruel and insecure. If he "lets" you come back, he will draw you in to dump you again. Don't let him.

I don't blame him for ending it, if I'm honest.

Whatever the reason, you've not been honest and open with him.

That's either because you're a naturally dishonest person who only reveals as much as you have to and will always keep the truth back until you have no choice but to be honest. Some people are like that.

Or it's because you didn't feel you could be honest and open with him specifically.

Neither of those is good and both would be a good enough reason to end it.

Don't get drawn into the drama of back and forth.

I’ve no idea what a ‘situationship’ is and I do think you should have told him about the guy in his workplace to nip any rumours etc in the bud. And I also think you should have told about your holiday. If you can’t be open and honest in a relationship, what’s the point? So I can understand him being unhappy.

However, his jealousy over what he imagined you would be getting up to while away suggests he has issues all of his own!

Given the speed at which he has deleted you from his life and is actively looking for a new girlfriend, I think you are better off without him.

You said it's dragging on so suggest messaging him and saying I'll pop round on X day to collect my stuff and the £x you borrowed a while back. (Suggest asking for cash so you can be sure it'll all be resolved on the same day and he won't "forget" afterwards).

Has he broken up with you to avoid paying back what he owes you?

Workplace guy situation was over when you met your DO though, I think?
So I am not sure it was his business to know.
And as for not telling him about the trip, he sounds like he was making wild assumptions about your single friend, which are actually fairly offensive.
I do agree that he has done you a favour breaking up, but make sure you get the money he owes you back.

He sounds awful. You had a relationship before him. It’s over. You are going on holiday with friends… he breaks up over this? That’s not reasonable for a loving partner…he’s sounds critical and controlling and totally unappealing. Focus on your own healing and move on 💐

@Luciferthethird i think you should have told him about the workplace guy long…. Before he started there . I Italy yes it’s your business but when your openly chatting then letting him find out from others . That’s very poor .
He can’t trust you don’t know as you have hidden other stuff .

‘Maybe deep down you know he’s jealous and it will cause and issue by telling him things .
It’s best done. If he gets in touch don’t be apologising anymore . Just for the workplace guy and that’s it own the rest .

You're well rid of that one. You do not need to disclose all your ex-partners/flings. You being worried about informing of the trip is very telling. A man of his age worrying about a woman of your age being on holiday with a single woman is ridiculous.

And you’re mourning this relationship why?

Based on this, you may have been the placeholder unfortunately.
Move on and find someone who deserves you and stop walking on eggshells for this one.

He sounds insecure. Move on, don't chase him - he wants to keep you on the back foot.