My partner broke up with me for telling lies

Interesting.
there have been many threads where women have a male partner who lies and they are told to dump them….

OP, no one has the right to police your language.

I’m glad you saw it as a situationship rather than a relationship.

And he’s not a FWB because he’s not a friend.

Ignore all the nitpickers like @Propagandalf and @Mydadsbirthday

You didn’t tell him about either thing because you feared his reaction.

His ‘insecurity’ is very close to jealousy and control.

I bet he was snooping in your phone, and he then went on to test you / set a trap to see when you would tell him. If he had innocently seen a message he could have just said. His suspicions about men coming back are just ridiculous.

It wasn’t a healthy relationship.

And it’s good you are thinking of some counselling because it would be good to work on your self esteem and boundaries before going into another relationship.

This.

Because?

Ew what a big whiny baby and how desperate to go on tinder right away and how immature to block you. Congrats on getting rid of him.

It’s him who has the lucky escape!

Had a child with a man like this! Never felt so insecure and like I was going mad, as I did when I was with him! He’s insecure and controlling! Men like this act a certain way, so you feel you can’t be transparent with them in case you offend them. So you start avoiding telling them things to avoid confrontation and then they find out what you’ve been keeping from them and make a big thing about it! That’s no way to live!

Agree
He sounds like a controlling prat who judges you and snoops on your phone and from what you've said here someone you can't be honest with him due to his reactions.
He wants you to beg and run now to get control let him go

What on earth is a 'situationship'???

I agree, you both sound really immature and he sounds like a shit parent which should be a massive red flag to you

Regardless of him being an arse or not or you keeping secrets....even if you get back together, this will always be in the background. He will never fully trust you and you will always be trying to make amends.

Promise you, this relationship is dead in the water. Don't waste your time with it. Move on

Tbf, I'd want to know something that might put me off someome at the early stages of dating. By the time you're married, living together and sharing finances, it can often feel its too late or much harder to extricate yourself. Because it is.

Honesty is important because then people can decide if this is the sort of person they want to be with. It also demonstrates and builds trust.

The OP hid something from her boyfriend that she thought he might dump her for if he knew. He found put, the trust was broken and so he dumped her.

A simple explanation of how she'd once casually dated his colleague and later discovered he was actually married or whatever would have meant he didn't feel like he was the last to know when it became workplace gossip.

No one has the right to know every detail of another person's past but it's the decent thing to do to give them a heads up when it's going to impact them..

Please rethink setting up a permenant home with this man. People who have arguments about this sort of petty thing, the past, what friends may do are on holiday, listen to gossip from randoms, they are stuck at a level of maturity that's not enough to head a blended household of 6 children, with all the real grown up challenges that will bring. Your life with this guy will be a chaotic drama of fallings out about teenage nonsense which will seriously get in the way of of raising a large family.

** he’s being Ridiculous- not ridicules

I think he’s got the problem, not you. Move on.

Lucky escape for you.
Everyone has a past.
Maybe you should have mentioned it when they started to work at the same place - but if they worked opposite shifts , it may not have come out - why poke the bear?
I also think he snooped on your phone.
But you’re not married or even living together - so if you’re planning a trip it doesn’t effect him (it’s not like he’d be suddenly having to cook his own dinner or find additional child care- cos you don’t do that. )
So it is entirely up to you when you tell him of any of your plans.
He’s being ridicules ….. and immature.
The money is a different story…and he should offering to pay that back … instalments if necessary.

That's the problem he cant get past. You kept thinking the truth would make him feel X so you hid it. And generally in my experience men who've said I didnt tell you because it would upset you, actually meant im hiding it from you because if you know the truth is I might have to deal with the consequences.

If you were so sure hed feel anxious you could have not gone, or explained from the get go what was happening and how he could trust you. But you didnt so of course he feels unable to trust you at all. I dont think this choice is one holiday, its a serious of lies that made him feel vulnerable and unable to trust you.

You could ask for another chance but I think youd have to change your approach with him

Obviously you shouldn’t be keeping secrets in a relationship. But then again, it sounds like you only did it out of fear of his reaction. You shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells in your relationship. You’ve had a lucky escape. Don’t go back to him.

yes this is blunt but why are you doing this to yourself, yes some women are desperate for attention they dont care if they are being treated badly, it is wrong. and I hope the children involved dont see this and think it is normal then go on to to do the same themselves be a good role model and learn from it break the never ending cycle that women keep on puting up with in the hope some one will throw them a few crumbsmm keep what little self respect you have left and move on

Harsh but one day someone may listen

You should have told him about the affair you had had with one of his new work colleagues. Did you not imagine how humiliated he would feel that everyone else knew about his girlfriend's grubby affair and not him? That is dishonest - lying by omission. Ditto the holiday-if it was no big deal, wby didnt you tell him? You 'didn't feel able' is not a reflection on him, it is a reflection on your lack of courage.

I could understand him being upset if you were married and living together and sharing finances
But your not doing any of those things
So he didn't have a right to any of that information
You didn't tell him , because you knew how he would react
And his actions show ,you were correct.
Let him go ,he's not the one

There's a lot here. If after two years, while you still have things to sort out (money, property etc) he's dumped you and gone straight on Tinder...that's a massive red flag for his level of maturity and how little the relationship meant to him.

He's sounds very insecure and jealous. Snooping is never good, whether he was right or wrong to suspect something. He'll be doing it forever.

I'm not really sure about the guy at his work. Unless you knew they were friends, or worked directly together, I'm not sure it's any of his business. Although personally I'd have mentioned it. From the sounds of him, he's have been just as insecure if he knew though.

You should have told him about the holiday. I can't imagine booking to go away and keeping it from my OH at any point in our relationship. It's just good manners...what if he'd have booked you a surprise trip on the same date?

His reasoning is off though. There's only one single girl, and he thinks she will bring men back for everyone else who's in a relationship, and you're all going to cheat together? That's insane levels of paranoia. If that's where his head is at, he'll never trust you.

The real issue from your end is the fact that you felt you couldn't be honest with him about two completely normal, innocent bits of information...presumably because you knew he wouldn't have reacted well.

What happens next time you go away with the girls, or on a night out, or a work trip, or mention a male co-worker you get lunch with? If you're deliberating over what you can tell him, or if he's emotionally blackmailing you over completely innocent behavior...is it worth the hassle?

If you think he's The One and he wants to talk it out, you both need to be frank in that you won't keep secrets and he needs to get over his jealousy.

But to be honest, I'd be writing this one off to experience.