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Original poster

To be sick of people looking down on the town I live in?

434 replies

Beboopbadoopie · 24/08/2025 19:35

I'm 40 and have lived here for 10 years, before I had kids and after (I have 2 under 5) and recently we've randomly bumped into several old school friends in different places and when we say where we live they say something like, 'oh really?' and one person even said 'why!?' and another told me its a dive! It's happened lots in the past too. Where we live is not terrible, it's just the worst looking town locally (live in a very pretty area) and the high street is pretty much dead. I think people think it's rough but I've noticed a lot of posts about crime in other 'nicer' local towns so feel it's kind of a similar level (I have never felt unsafe here but there's the odd shop break in or smashed shop windows but nothing major and I've noticed these incidents in nicer towns nearby too)

We bought here because it's a lot cheaper than everywhere else (for a reason it seems!)We renovated our house so we are in a good position financially now which means I only have to work part time and am around more with the kids which I want. We have a lovely house, amazing neighbours, a great park and leisure centre around the corner, 3 good cafes (not loads but better than nothing), a great library for the kids, several supermarkets, a train station to that goes directly to major cities.

I'm getting pretty fed up with the negativity from other people because it makes me feel a bit shit, and I'm bringing my kids up here and that's what people are going to think when they say where they live and I don't want people to look down on them. I have thought of moving but feel it's an extreme reaction and also we'd have to double our mortgage. How can I stop it from bothering me? It's so annoying!

OP posts:
ragdollyanna1974 · 25/08/2025 09:27

Velmy · 24/08/2025 23:13

Do you challenge them when they're having a go?

Lots of places have bad reps from years past that linger, especially with people who've either never lived there and only know the stereotype, or people who grew up there and left before it got better.

Be honest though...is what they're saying accurate? You'll never convince people that a town with an empty high street is great for shopping, but you might be able to surprise them with some benefits they're not aware of.

I have challenged negative comments about my hometown. I even have statistics! I’ve then been accused of having a chip on my shoulder.
You can’t argue with stupid I suppose.

WildCherryBlossom · 25/08/2025 09:10

Radstock, Rotherham, Swindon…?

BunnyLake · 25/08/2025 09:09

HerewardtheSleepy · 24/08/2025 19:38

I know what you mean OP. I come from Croydon. The best answer is to adopt a "stuff you" policy, I find.

I was going to say the same😁. My entire life I was given a ‘look’ when I said where I lived.

ChompandaGrazia · 25/08/2025 09:04

I hear you OP. I live in a town which always comes up on shit places to live threads. Yes our high street has gone to shit, and there are a number of people who are clearly drug users hanging about. But outside the town centre it’s great. Huge, world wide award winning, parks. Three theatres, numerous independent coffee shops and restaurants. But we are surrounded by ‘naice’ towns with branches of Cook and Seasalt, places that on here people recommend for holidays.

CultivatesTheLand · 25/08/2025 09:04

GenerousGardener · 25/08/2025 08:56

And yet things turn around. Folky is now a desirable place to live. Lots of investment, the Harbour Arm, The Lees, lots and lots of new flats built right on the beach. It’s still has its ‘areas’ that are not so great and Debenhams is just an empty shell. De Haans money seems to be doing the trick.

Show quote history

I lived in Folkestone Harbour and it was awful then - in the block of flats at the bottom of Remembrance Road - omg it was grim

but yes I’ve heard it’s now more of an ‘artistic’ place

GenerousGardener · 25/08/2025 08:56

CultivatesTheLand · 25/08/2025 08:45

I lived in Folkestone in the mid uk late 2000s. Trying to keep my language neutral but it’s a town that’s so predominantly deprived I wouldn’t choose to live there. A few nice roads in the west end of the town but the town centre was extremely run down to the point I thought Debenhams seemed far too posh for it and looked out of place

And yet things turn around. Folky is now a desirable place to live. Lots of investment, the Harbour Arm, The Lees, lots and lots of new flats built right on the beach. It’s still has its ‘areas’ that are not so great and Debenhams is just an empty shell. De Haans money seems to be doing the trick.

crossstitchingnana · 25/08/2025 08:55

Swindon?

Boomer55 · 25/08/2025 08:53

Things change anyway. When I was younger most people tried to avoid more than a few areas in Borough, London and a lot of the East End.

They've all been gentrified now and the houses/flats cost a fortune. 🤷‍♀️

CultivatesTheLand · 25/08/2025 08:45

I lived in Folkestone in the mid uk late 2000s. Trying to keep my language neutral but it’s a town that’s so predominantly deprived I wouldn’t choose to live there. A few nice roads in the west end of the town but the town centre was extremely run down to the point I thought Debenhams seemed far too posh for it and looked out of place

xSideshowAuntSallyXx · 25/08/2025 08:44

Scratch beneath the surface of every town and you'll find a drug problem and crime. Some places are just better at hiding it.

TennisLady · 25/08/2025 08:42

Absentmindedsmile · 25/08/2025 08:36

‘Only a few years ago some students had a WhatsApp group revealed for running a “competition” for who could sleep with the most poorest local’

That is disgusting 😡. I hope all students got kicked out of the university?

Show quote history

Yes there place was withdrawn. Sadly lots of local students who’ve gone to the uni have experienced some awful attitudes from some students.

www.theguardian.com/education/2020/oct/19/students-from-northern-england-facing-toxic-attitude-at-durham-university

Superhansrantowindsor · 25/08/2025 08:40

Just ignore. I get this from colleagues about where I live. I just smile contentedly knowing that living where I do has enabled me to have a very low mortgage and work part time. I’m very happy where I am. If you are happy too just ignore. Don’t worry or get cross about other peoples opinions.

TennisLady · 25/08/2025 08:39

SummerFrog25 · 24/08/2025 23:09

Your post makes no sense.

YOU generalised about 'southeners'

Edited
Show quote history

I didn’t? I didn’t say “all” southerners. I have experiemced it, several times, that’s not a generalisation that’s talking about my experiences. I have friends who are southerners who live up here who have never looked down on “the north”, but on my travels in the U.K. and abroad, and my time dealing with students in the NE I’ve experienced the negative attitudes and stereotypes towards the north plenty.

CultivatesTheLand · 25/08/2025 08:39

RhaenysRocks · 24/08/2025 20:05

It really doesn't matter where it is. I get it OP, I used to live in a similar town that was miles cheaper than the three surrounding ones because it had a lot of estates and a 60s built town centre but it had great facilities, was easy to get around, good schools, well connected . We had a huge 4 bed house, could walk into open country or to the shops or wherever on dedicated, pedestrianised footpaths / cycleways. Literally it was down to snobbery but if others want to spend another 150k on an identical house for bragging rights, that's fine.

Luton?

RampantIvy · 25/08/2025 08:39

LochKatrine · 24/08/2025 20:16

Barnsley

Barnsley town centre has had millions invested in it, and people now come from other nearby towns to shop there. It has an excellent market, one of the better TK Maxx stores and some decent places to eat. Although, for serious shopping you would go to Leeds or Meadowhall.

Like all towns it has deprived areas, but it has some particularly nice residential areas, especially when you go West of the M1.

ThankYouNigel · 25/08/2025 08:38

YANBU. There’s no need to say things like that to anyone about where they live, that’s really rude and hurtful.

We live in what is on paper a rougher ward of our city. We’ve always been happy here and never had any trouble from anyone. We’ve had the same neighbours for 15 years, mainly elderly. There’s a great sense of local community.

There was so much to do within walking distance and I’ve been able to fulfil my lifelong dream of affording to be a SAHM living here. We have no plans to move.

Its hard, but try and ignore any unnecessary comments and keep reminding yourself of what works for you and your family about where you live, that’s what matters. Some could actually be jealous of your level of contentment!

Absentmindedsmile · 25/08/2025 08:36

TennisLady · 25/08/2025 08:34

I get what you’re saying I think in some places in NE if they hear a southern accent people assume you’re posh (I’ve actually got friends who live up here as they stayed after uni who get this!). Places like Durham and parts of Newcastle people don’t tend to bat an eyelid because of the students, Durham especially. Only a few years ago some students had a WhatsApp group revealed for running a “competition” for who could sleep with the most poorest local 🙄

I must admit there’s some absolute poverty up here, ex pit villages etc, so shows it can be everywhere too.

Show quote history

‘Only a few years ago some students had a WhatsApp group revealed for running a “competition” for who could sleep with the most poorest local’

That is disgusting 😡. I hope all students got kicked out of the university?

TennisLady · 25/08/2025 08:36

nomas · 24/08/2025 23:14

Southerners living in the NE are snobbish about Northerners? Seems unlikely.

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I’ve experienced it mostly from students, Durham and Newcastle students.

TennisLady · 25/08/2025 08:34

RestlessSparrow · 25/08/2025 01:29

I totally get what you’re saying - I’ve seen that kind of snobbery from some southerners too. But I’ve also had the reverse, where people from the NE assume I must be some posh London type just because of where I’m from. The reality is I grew up in zone 4 on a council estate, and I’ve honestly seen poverty there worse than anything I’ve ever come across in the NE. People never believe me until I actually show them - I think that’s why things like Grenfell were such a shock to people, because they don’t think of places like Kensington as having communities like that.

Show quote history

I get what you’re saying I think in some places in NE if they hear a southern accent people assume you’re posh (I’ve actually got friends who live up here as they stayed after uni who get this!). Places like Durham and parts of Newcastle people don’t tend to bat an eyelid because of the students, Durham especially. Only a few years ago some students had a WhatsApp group revealed for running a “competition” for who could sleep with the most poorest local 🙄

I must admit there’s some absolute poverty up here, ex pit villages etc, so shows it can be everywhere too.

m4vorrodor · 25/08/2025 08:26

Was it featured in The Office and has an amazing Designer Outlet as well as parks and open spaces.

SummerFrog25 · 25/08/2025 07:15

MorrisseysMisery · 25/08/2025 00:15

Heckmondwike
Cleckheaton
Dewsbury (Karen Matthews, no further description required)
Ravensthorpe
Shields in NE
Huddersfield
Barrow In Furness

I live in a village just up the hill from Cleckheaton on an estate, its actually a really nice area with a wonderful school and delicatessens and bakeries in walking distance.
People think its rough but if it was I would not have brought up 3 children here, the neighbours would give you their last biscuit if they thought you needed it.

Shields is great!

I don't live there, I'm in the SE. But I love shields, both, but especially South Shields.

Absentmindedsmile · 25/08/2025 06:52

Outtaxed · 25/08/2025 01:32

English snobbery at its best.

??!! It’s the same in other places. Italy and France even more so.. they can be brutal about some places within their country

themimi · 25/08/2025 04:30

ImGoingUpstairsToTakeOffMyHat · 24/08/2025 19:44

I know nothing about Croydon (I’m a true northern and I have no idea what happens below Manchester 😂) but I do know Romesh Rangantahan is from there and I automatically love it for that reason!

Show quote history

Romesh comes from Crawley not Croydon

petergriffinsdeadfrog · 25/08/2025 02:13

If it’s Birkenhead I could see their point!

EBearhug · 25/08/2025 01:58

GameofPhones · 24/08/2025 21:10

Just wondering if other countries have this town snobbery, which strikes me as particularly British (or maybe just English, as it does seem to emanate from London). It seems that nowhere is really acceptable to the supreme snob, and reminds me of 'Yes, but not in Bethlehem'.

I think they do. I had friends in Dortmund, and there was some ongoing joke about people in Paderborn. Though I missed some of it because my German was not gluent.