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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be sick of people looking down on the town I live in?

434 replies

Beboopbadoopie · 24/08/2025 19:35

I'm 40 and have lived here for 10 years, before I had kids and after (I have 2 under 5) and recently we've randomly bumped into several old school friends in different places and when we say where we live they say something like, 'oh really?' and one person even said 'why!?' and another told me its a dive! It's happened lots in the past too. Where we live is not terrible, it's just the worst looking town locally (live in a very pretty area) and the high street is pretty much dead. I think people think it's rough but I've noticed a lot of posts about crime in other 'nicer' local towns so feel it's kind of a similar level (I have never felt unsafe here but there's the odd shop break in or smashed shop windows but nothing major and I've noticed these incidents in nicer towns nearby too)

We bought here because it's a lot cheaper than everywhere else (for a reason it seems!)We renovated our house so we are in a good position financially now which means I only have to work part time and am around more with the kids which I want. We have a lovely house, amazing neighbours, a great park and leisure centre around the corner, 3 good cafes (not loads but better than nothing), a great library for the kids, several supermarkets, a train station to that goes directly to major cities.

I'm getting pretty fed up with the negativity from other people because it makes me feel a bit shit, and I'm bringing my kids up here and that's what people are going to think when they say where they live and I don't want people to look down on them. I have thought of moving but feel it's an extreme reaction and also we'd have to double our mortgage. How can I stop it from bothering me? It's so annoying!

OP posts:
AsburyPark · 25/08/2025 19:01

TennisLady · 24/08/2025 19:47

Try living in the NE! Had lots of snobbery from southerners over the years. They’re clueless.

Especially if you live in an old pit village in the NE 🙄

riceuten · 25/08/2025 18:59

ImGoingUpstairsToTakeOffMyHat · 24/08/2025 19:44

I know nothing about Croydon (I’m a true northern and I have no idea what happens below Manchester 😂) but I do know Romesh Rangantahan is from there and I automatically love it for that reason!

He comes from Crawley. Which is a new town with its own issues.

Lucelady · 25/08/2025 18:56

Iamanunsafebuilding · 24/08/2025 20:26

I raise you living in Swindon! It gets slated, particularly on here, but I live in an area with a massive network of well-lit shared cycle and footpaths. In 10 mins driving you can be in open countryside. My kids went to the decent local schools. It’s safe, I’m a runner and I run mostly alone all year round even in the dark. It’s quiet with loads of open green spaces.

The thread earlier today about moving to the Cotswolds is a prime example, people suggesting beautiful (expensive) market towns and villages and the OP was like but I don’t want Swindon as my big town! Swindon suits us and has some lovely hidden gems. I get you OP.

I grew up in Swindon and hated it. I moved away and when I had DC I moved to our posh market town.
I spent twenty years being gossiped about and my family racially abused.
We're now back in a rural Swindon village and for once I feel free. No school gate mums, no lies about our finances and my son loves the super cars on our road. Swindon has poor shopping but most people use the designer village.
People also say our hospital is rubbish, however they recently saved my life.
Tbh prices are going up massively. Not much for families under £500k.

firefoxx · 25/08/2025 18:56

must be Worthing?

LadeOde · 25/08/2025 18:55

Beboopbadoopie · 24/08/2025 20:45

Thanks everyone! It's a really small town in the south that I doubt anyone has heard of so sorry to disappoint (love that Slough and other big places have been suggested but it is really tiny in comparison!) I do get that where we live is not posh or naice and it has made me want to move sometimes but then I think of all the good things that we enjoy here and how cheap our mortgage is and I want to stay! Thinking of setting up a website to promote how much good stuff is here to help change it's reputation! Just wish people wouldn't be so rude and judgemental! Appreciate all your comments and they have made me feel better thanks

I think the idea of setting up a website promoting the town sounds fab! i know you said it in jest but i'd think more about it. You've stumbled of something really precious there.

Enjoy your town, your fabulous neighbours, great school & extra cash in your pocket watch the 'Jones's', running around in their 'posh' town with little money to spare whilst working all hrs away from their dc because they have to. Pls don't relocate, let your kids see you as a clear thinking parent who makes good decisions not based on crowd mentality.

Tigergirl80 · 25/08/2025 18:47

People the same about my town it’s been in one of those videos of worse places to live. I hate those videos a lot of shops never reopened after lockdown but a lot of those shops are now filled with small independent buisnesses and the main employer in our town is investing in our town centre. Ok it’s not the best place to live not much to do etc. But crime is low compared to other areas of the uk and most people know each other or if you don’t know them personally you know someone they know. I’ve lived here all my life so I guess I’m a bit biased. But there are a lot of beautiful places in our area to visit. The lakes isn’t far from us.

Loralaughs · 25/08/2025 18:46

I live near two towns which have a reputation of being very rough. However I’ve found that they are the friendliest towns I’ve ever been in! I’ve also never witnessed any trouble in either of them.

goingtotown · 25/08/2025 18:43

Harlow?

TartanTwit · 25/08/2025 18:36

I grew up in a new town that people enjoy slating. They obviously don't have experience living inner city like I do now. I miss the space, convenience, green areas and comparative safety and lack of crime. wherever you live there will be arsehole teenagers and boarded up shops you'd think they were living in a war zone the way they trill on about how awful it is. It's not.

Oscarsmom71 · 25/08/2025 18:32

People do this to me as I live on the border of a deprived area which is a massive council estate. We live in a village next to it.
But we have a great house, live next to a large park and have great transport links.
when people visit us for the first time they are surprised how nice our area is.
I don’t care what people think or say. When they reply I say every area has its good and bad and we love living here.
That soon shuts then up.

GrandmaJowa · 25/08/2025 18:31

Just say, 'I'm so glad you don't live here, you'd bring it down even further! You don't need people like that anyway. There are 'grotty bits and good bits in every town. I'd rather live among the salt of the earth than snobs in sinking sands.

Nosleepforthismum · 25/08/2025 18:31

I get it OP. I live in a coastal town regularly described as a shithole on here and I don’t see it in the same way. My kids have spent most of the summer on the beach or at the numerous parks and events that have been put on over the holidays. All within walking distance for two toddlers and it’s amazing.

DY10DY11 · 25/08/2025 18:30

Kaftanesque · 25/08/2025 18:22

Ah yes Malvern.We still live in a large Northern town with an industrial heritage.Yes the town centre has deteriorated but the outlying villages are really buzzy now with cafes and independent shops and we have some glorious countryside on our doorstep. Yet a couple that we knew in our teens and as young adults and have moved around and settled in Malvern came back for a funeral and we went out for a meal.They spent the evening being so disparaging and rude and basically saying Malvern was so much better.Tbh made me and DH glad to see the back of them.

Ha.... Yeah well, it isn't without issues. That lass off x factor was from the rough bit wasn't she? What's her name....the swagger jagger one? She's always listed at the local celeb 😂

Has anyone listened to lovely Mark Steele and his podcast where he goes to a town and does a show? He's brilliant at laughing with people about places but never at the place in a mean way. I love it. The Malvern one was pretty good 😊

Mightymooo · 25/08/2025 18:29

People say rude things about the whole of Essex. I dont care, it's actually quite funny, they obviously haven't seen much of it.

Serpentstooth · 25/08/2025 18:28

It's just human nature OP, snarking about someone's 'less than' is the easiest way for such people to feel better about their own, secret, shortcomings. Enjoy your home, your family, your life. Nowhere is perfect.

Kaftanesque · 25/08/2025 18:22

Ah yes Malvern.We still live in a large Northern town with an industrial heritage.Yes the town centre has deteriorated but the outlying villages are really buzzy now with cafes and independent shops and we have some glorious countryside on our doorstep. Yet a couple that we knew in our teens and as young adults and have moved around and settled in Malvern came back for a funeral and we went out for a meal.They spent the evening being so disparaging and rude and basically saying Malvern was so much better.Tbh made me and DH glad to see the back of them.

IHaveRunOutOfIdeas · 25/08/2025 18:22

Hepzibar · 25/08/2025 17:54

OL15?

No, M24 which is crazy written down as it’s a Manchester postcode 😂.

I would move to OL15, and I think I was technically born there? Birch Hill… Grew up in OL16

Ymiryboo · 25/08/2025 18:22

HerewardtheSleepy · 24/08/2025 19:38

I know what you mean OP. I come from Croydon. The best answer is to adopt a "stuff you" policy, I find.

Yeah but Croydon is a shithole

Pessismistic · 25/08/2025 18:21

Just ignore these people or just say it might have a bad reputation but we love it everyone is friendly and not snobby like some places. But I personally would ignore them every area has bad stuff happen.

Crikeyalmighty · 25/08/2025 18:19

@LytesCarey yep - I think just as the issue is for people saying ‘up north’ when York isn’t Blackburn , exactly the same is true ‘Down south’ - Kingston on Thames isn’t the same thing as Trowbridge

PistachioTiramisuLimoncello · 25/08/2025 18:16

Perfectlystill · 25/08/2025 18:11

I live in London and bloody love it but everyone slags it off all the time. I literally filter it out now - I just think that I love it and they don't live here and if they did, they'd love it too.

I think the slagging off of London is pure jealousy. I always find people who do this to be small minded people from the middle of fucking nowhere - who honestly cares what they think?

ChangingWeight · 25/08/2025 18:15

ultimately they made the choice to not live in your area for whatever reason, just the same way you chose to not live somewhere cheaper. What’s a dealbreaker to them, doesn’t have to get under your skin

PistachioTiramisuLimoncello · 25/08/2025 18:14

ImGoingUpstairsToTakeOffMyHat · 24/08/2025 19:44

I know nothing about Croydon (I’m a true northern and I have no idea what happens below Manchester 😂) but I do know Romesh Rangantahan is from there and I automatically love it for that reason!

Romesh is from Crawley.

Perfectlystill · 25/08/2025 18:11

I live in London and bloody love it but everyone slags it off all the time. I literally filter it out now - I just think that I love it and they don't live here and if they did, they'd love it too.

Jorge14 · 25/08/2025 18:09

Who cares as long as you are happy. There’s a town quite near me that people feel like that about but there are some beautiful houses there & people move there to have a more comfortable lifestyle as it’s a bit cheaper. I wouldn’t worry at all what anyone thinks as long as it’s working for you. Live in your own bubble and then you’ll find it’s more peaceful