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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be sick of people looking down on the town I live in?

434 replies

Beboopbadoopie · 24/08/2025 19:35

I'm 40 and have lived here for 10 years, before I had kids and after (I have 2 under 5) and recently we've randomly bumped into several old school friends in different places and when we say where we live they say something like, 'oh really?' and one person even said 'why!?' and another told me its a dive! It's happened lots in the past too. Where we live is not terrible, it's just the worst looking town locally (live in a very pretty area) and the high street is pretty much dead. I think people think it's rough but I've noticed a lot of posts about crime in other 'nicer' local towns so feel it's kind of a similar level (I have never felt unsafe here but there's the odd shop break in or smashed shop windows but nothing major and I've noticed these incidents in nicer towns nearby too)

We bought here because it's a lot cheaper than everywhere else (for a reason it seems!)We renovated our house so we are in a good position financially now which means I only have to work part time and am around more with the kids which I want. We have a lovely house, amazing neighbours, a great park and leisure centre around the corner, 3 good cafes (not loads but better than nothing), a great library for the kids, several supermarkets, a train station to that goes directly to major cities.

I'm getting pretty fed up with the negativity from other people because it makes me feel a bit shit, and I'm bringing my kids up here and that's what people are going to think when they say where they live and I don't want people to look down on them. I have thought of moving but feel it's an extreme reaction and also we'd have to double our mortgage. How can I stop it from bothering me? It's so annoying!

OP posts:
Curver · 01/09/2025 11:27

HerewardtheSleepy · 24/08/2025 19:38

I know what you mean OP. I come from Croydon. The best answer is to adopt a "stuff you" policy, I find.

I am amused because this was my instant thought. I’m from Croydon too, always turns people’s noses up. I’m fiercely protective of my hometown!

OP, ignore them. If you and yours are good that’s all that matters

Snakebite61 · 01/09/2025 11:23

OnePinkDeer · 24/08/2025 19:53

Clueless about what. Id never want to live in the NE. Having a preference about a place doesn't make someone clueless.

Oh, it certainly does.....

RopiJo · 01/09/2025 08:33

17 pages and no-one has mentioned Basildon. Had the mis-pleasure of living there for 40yrs. It wasn't so bad back in the day, but has gone downhill every single day, with the council leeching the taxes out of Basildon and sending all the money to Billericay. Grew up in North London and that went downhill for the 20yrs before I moved away. Now live in Lincolnshire in a sleepy market town. The only bad thing here is the few remaining 'born and bred' locals. Most people here have arrived from shitholes around the country, like me..... Basildon, Birmingham, Manchester, and all the othere places mentioned on this thread. We've all had to wait untill finances and jobs allow, or simply retirement. I'm lucky, I work from home (finally). Honestly, us 'immigrants' all appreaciate the beauty of this little haven, while the locals have no appreciation of how lucky they are to have never needed to live in a shithole. It's really quite 'them and us', and the sooner all of 'them' have left the better.

2pixels · 31/08/2025 22:44

Got to be Swindon or Luton!

sunshineside · 31/08/2025 22:38

Im from Croydon too. Always the butt of jokes.

Jochef · 31/08/2025 10:35

Hepzibar · 24/08/2025 19:56

Rochdale

In the news for all the wrong reasons. We’ve moved up to Cumbria but my mum and dad still live there, mum says it’s so depressing now, she hates to go out into the town any closer than Asda or Tesco.

Dimdam · 31/08/2025 10:01

I think this post says more about you than about them!

Are you happy where you live? If the answers yes then why does other peoples opinion of the town matter, they have an opinion and like you they are entitled to it.

The fact that you need to defend it tells me you are not comfortable about living there, if their comments didn’t matter then you would not have taken the time to post on here, you would have shrugged your shoulders and moved on, have you asked yourself why you need other peoples approval?

i grew up in Islington London, its heavily gentrified nowadays, though in fairness its always had nice Georgian Squares and other neighbourhoods with a small population of what I guess what we would call champagne socialists today, but outside of those neighbourhoods and that demographic it was a very working class run down slum ridden area.

i grew up in a damp basement no central heating, heating was by paraffin, no double glazing or bathroom, and an outside loo. We had our own front door but people upstairs had access to our flat via an internal door because they needed to use the coal cellar for the coal for their coal fires

Secondary schools were holding pens for 1500 hundred disadvantaged and dysfunctional kids, I hated the school so much, I firmly believed i would have been better off starting full time work at eleven years old because I learned very little in that environment.

i cannot recollect one child being taken and collected from school by their parents driving a car, not many people had cars and most people had to work full time in manual labour intensive jobs with very few workers rights.

We had some advantages, there were never burglary’s or robberies because no one had anything worth stealing, there wasn’t a drug culture so no one had to steal to feed their habit.

When I tell people I grew up in Islington I get comments like, oh lucky you, then I tell them it was a dive and a dump and they would never have survived there and I would never move back their in a million years

I left home at seventeen, and bought my first place eight years later in 1985. Very few people had heard of the area I bought my property , despite it being at rhe end of the Victoria line. The Dog Track was its well known landmark, and some who were better educated knew that William Morris was born here. Later the pop group E17, came along, the groups name is named after our postcode then they released the album Walthamstow which named after the area.

I liked the area, it felt familiar and comfortable and reminded me of a better version of the Islington I grew up in. Like you I got the derisory remarks, Walthamstow, where’s that? It’s rough there, yet they never knew it, and people were generally looking down their nose at me. But after what I grew up in I felt rich beyond comprehension. The remarks usually came from the people from other gentrified areas, Notting Hill, Battersea, Clapham, Battersea, Clapham etc. Even my own family made comments like, why do you want to live there? It never bothered me I liked where I lived, it felt like I was living in a comfortable pair of shoes

Over the years there were incremental changes to the area , accents were changing from traditional London and foreign patois to more refined educated accents and accents from all over the UK, they were usually professional people who obtained their degrees at a London University and forgot to go back to whence they came.

Then on July the 6th 2005 something happened that was to change Walthamstow and the neighbouring boroughs forever, Stratford in east London ( rougher than Walthamstow) won the Olympic bid, over the next ten years Walthamstow grew exponentially, the area was socially cleansed and the demographic changed completely, out with the old and in with the new wave of Champagne socialists chasing coin! .

Whereas before I used to buy a cup of instant coffee in a crinkly plastic cup, now I can get ten different types of coffee that can be made with one of six different types of milk with a motif made of chocolate powder on the froth, at about seven time the price of the old coffee! Gone are the egg and bacon sandwich for three pounds, in with the smoke salmon and cream cheese Beigel for eight pounds. (Proper east end Londoners call them Beigels not Bagels, the latter pronunciation and spelling is American, that’s how we can tell if people are originally from the east end or not!)

Gone are the old boozers, Asian corner shops in with the gastro pubs and overpriced supermarkets with the organic and green stuff that no locals can afford

Now when I say I live Walthamstow Village, people know where it is, they usually say they know it because they saw it some property program on TV, and then they say things like, oh how fab, you lucky thing and other platitudes. My family have forgotten their comments of the past, now they tell me that I’m smart and some want to take credit because they say they advised me to live here, they don’t even know where it is! I think they’re trying to wiggle their way into my will lol

A friend recently sent me a recent property article from the Telegraph, the headline read, How one shabby north east London borough became the fastest growing area in the UK ( or words to that effect, it definitely had shabby in the headline though)

The house across the road from me is on the market for 2.1 million, no kids who grew up here can afford that, l would not be able to afford to it if I was twenty five’ years old today. Yes the area is prettier the whole borough has changed beyond comprehension, it’s a lot less ‘shabby’ than it used to be.

Am I any happier that people know where a live and make nice comments, and am I happy about the area being socially cleansed even though it’s added a lot of equity to my property, no! In many ways I miss my shabby neighbourhood and my neighbours and I prefer that people didn’t know it and made derisory remarks about it. One by one my neighbours are dying off as they age , lots of them have lived here for over half a century and were born here, the new people that move in don’t want a home, they want an investment to make money so they can move up the property ladder, they don’t want to mix or talk with the locals they have their own cliques, they tolerate the locals but they don’t won’t to live next door to them.

Be happy with your comfortable old shoe of an area, would you be happier in a nicer area surrounded by judgemental people trying to please them all the time and then write about your negative experiences on Mumsnet ? Buttress your emotions and take no notice of other people’s remarks. Who knows what they might build down the road from you that may raise the status of the area you live in the future. If someone had said to me in 1985 that an Olympic stadium would be built in locally in 27 years time I would have thought they were tripping on acid.

You can’t change people or opinions but you can change the way you think about them and deal with them!

SloughResident · 31/08/2025 09:53

Hounslow is OK.

Slough is OK. There are some nice parts.
The villages nearby are generally sought after.
High Wycombe is similar in that respect.

I think people say they're grim because they've only been through it on the train, or they've only driven through, or gone to the retail parks or something.

If you've been stuck on the A4, A355 or A40 in rush hour, you're hardly going to get the best impression.

Yamamm · 31/08/2025 06:27

I still miss Hounslow where I lived for many many years. Would happily go back. Always shocks people (who don’t know the area and are the Slough and Hull bores).

RG89 · 30/08/2025 22:29

Vanishedwillow · 30/08/2025 19:02

You forgot Swindon!

They said it's not terrible 😂

(I know there's nice areas of Swindon, mainly out of Swindon).

summerjumper · 30/08/2025 21:51

Hey take no notice, they are probably envious that you have a nice house, nice neighbours and all the nearby facilities that you need. It also suits your lifestyle and allows you to have a work/life balance. My daughter was born in Croydon and I was born in Blackpool, I’ll say no more. People can be downright snobby at times.

Givenupshopping · 30/08/2025 21:28

When someone does that OP, I would be inclined to say 'you've clearly never lived there then', and then change the subject. You'll leave them wondering what you know but they don't.

Oh, and also, you say you're in a good position in life, what's the betting that these people who look down their nose at the area, are in debt up to their eyeballs, just because they feel the need to live in what they consider to be a 'naice' area, think about that when it bothers you. I'd MUCH rather live somewhere where I'm able to pay my bills and spend time with my kids, than be forced to work all the hours God sends, and still struggle with the bills. Please don't let their negativity put you off the place that you call home.

ElectricLegs · 30/08/2025 21:15

Snobs will be snobs. Just ignore them and bathe in the knowledge that your mortgage is not killing you.

broney · 30/08/2025 20:44

I get fed up of our own residents talking down the town we live in! I reply saying "Sorry, which "insert town here" are you talking about? That's not the one I live in!"

broney · 30/08/2025 20:40

Tell them "We love it here, it's great" with a big smile.

And/or say to them "If you hate it so much, don't come here!".

Alexandra84 · 30/08/2025 20:06

Some mis informed and sweeping statements on here.
References to the NE. Not sure where you have visited, but in the leafy suburbs near here, with some of the top comprehensives in the country, excellent selection of independent bakers, art shops, access to the coast, house prices averaging 8/900 K, you’ve perhaps rushed with your assumptions.

Alexandra84 · 30/08/2025 19:51

OnePinkDeer · 24/08/2025 19:53

Clueless about what. Id never want to live in the NE. Having a preference about a place doesn't make someone clueless.

Interested to know your opinions on this…where have you spent time?

Saruman · 30/08/2025 19:49

What’s it called?

PopcornKitten · 30/08/2025 19:11

Yep, In laws do this consistently about the town I grew up in. Constant digs and comments over the years. As my mother used to say, ‘if our town isn’t good enough for you, don’t use our restaurants, leisure facilities etc’.
Raise your head high and don’t let those comments get you down.

Marieb19 · 30/08/2025 19:10

I think you need new friends who aren't as shallow and insensitive as your current bunch. I love the idea if settting up a FB page to extol the virtues of your town and promote it. It's amazing how a trendy coffee shop/restaurant can revitalise an area. It has in our village. Get the council involved too.

Vanishedwillow · 30/08/2025 19:02

Absentmindedsmile · 24/08/2025 20:04

Slough
Bognor Regis
Grimsby
Croydon
Crawley
Rochdale
Salford
Bradford
Milton Keynes

?

You forgot Swindon!

RG89 · 30/08/2025 18:51

The way I see it is, you either live in the "nicer" area so you can boast about it, have to pay more money and so have less disposable income, or you live in the less nice area, have lower housing costs so more disposable income to actually enjoy life. I bet council tax is a lot lower too! I'd stick with where you are if you're happy there and tell them to bore off.

m4vorrodor · 28/08/2025 09:25

Op - Without saying where- has it been mentioned?

Have any of these responses made you feel better about the annoying comments and how you may respond to them in future?

SadTimesInFife · 27/08/2025 19:59

If Prince Andrew went to its Pizza Express, it can't be all bad...

DashboardConfession · 27/08/2025 19:33

RampantIvy · 27/08/2025 12:48

I have a relative who lives near you. The town itself may have seen better days, but the area is lovely. I love to come and visit.

I agree. I'm not from here originally; we chose to move here about 15 years ago. Wiltshire is beautiful. It matches the countryside in the leafy part of Yorkshire I grew up in (that nobody ever talks down about!)

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