Autistic child shouting/screaming in the garden

If you think it is acceptable for your neighbours to not enjoy their gardens quietly anytime outwith school hours then I highly suspect you are of the same mentally at this particular mother.

I understand whst your saying and I don't let my son out at all times
However those autism groups are not a one size fits all as I'm sure your aware
And the child might not want to be out and about all the time
What works for one child doesn't work for everyone.

Ooh “poor parenting.”

B-B-B- BINGO!

That is not what I'm saying. I am saying we ALL have a right to enjoy our gardens however his mother clearly thinks his rights trump all of ours as he basically lives out there when he is not in school.

You want my honest genuine opinion? I say poor parenting. If he were my son I would not have him out there as much as he is because I would feel the need for some compromise for the sake of the neighbours.

Does that mean I'd lock him up? No it does not. We live in the countryside with a wealth of local parks and walks. I'd be out and about sometimes. Also there are local sensory groups etc specifically for autistic children - I'd have him enrolled in something like that too.

If that makes me an awful person - so be it. I'm simply being honest. I hate listening to the clapping and screaming every single time I go out to my garden between the hours of 3:45 and 10pm weekdays and all day at the weekend.

Yeah we’ve got a non-sleeper. It’s horrendous.

He would be in that garden at 3am if we let him. I think that’s what people don’t realise, we’ve already stopped them and fought that fight at a time that’s really inconvenient and isn’t just.. the evening.

Autism is a massive spectrum aa I'm sure your aware ,when you live in a community you have to expect to live in close vicinity to others, my autistic child non verbal and shouts but his stim i can't exactly gag him he also has a right to live in the community just like you do.
I knew the rights trumping thing would come up it always does on these threads ,
You want to be able to enjoy your garden but don't want the other child to enjoy his?

I believe this particular boy has issues sleeping. He is a teenager and seems to be constantly stimming. When I've walked past the house late at night (say 11:30 pm) he bangs his bedroom window at us and is clearly wide awake.

When I say constant - I mean CONSTANT. Gets in from school around 3:45 and it out there until 9;30/10pm EVERY SINGLE EVENING. During school holidays it is ALL DAY and night.

And no, I'm not saying deprive him of use of the garden. I don't expect him to be locked up like a prisoner but honesty - I DO EXPECT to be able to use my garden quietly of a evening without listening to clapping and screaming sounds.

What do we mean by every evening, all evening? Surely the kid goes to bed.

Our son is in the garden after school in the summer from 3:30pm - 6:30/7pm, roughly, when he has a bath ready for bed. Sometimes with a break for food, others he eats outside.

He’s outside that long because he loves water, and his favourite activity is the sprinkler. And paddling pool.

Are we supposed to deprive him of one of the very few things he likes, because it’s not convenient?

The only other thing he’d do at that time is sit in his room on his iPad, and funnily enough when it’s 30 degrees outside - that’s not our preferred activity.

But at 7pm, which for grown ups is actually not that late - quiet and inside. Would that be enough?

ETA - he is a local child, and he’s playing. He’s playing in his way and he’s clapping because he’s happy. It’s a shame some people only like the sound of some children happily playing.

We have a neighbour very similar to your boy, (maybe you’re our neighbour!) boy about 9/10. I personally think he sounds like he’s having a lot of fun and don’t mind it at all.

It has been interesting to read this thread as a very similar situation has come up in my neighbourhood.

One of my neighbours posted on FB saying something along the lines of "This is a DISGRACE and clear DISCRIMINATION whoever wrote this expect to hear more!".

It seems someone reported her son to the council's noise team who wrote her a letter stating they wish to discuss the matter. It has caused a bit of pile on online.

Many are supporting her saying people should realise he is autistic and be ashamed of themselves. A small minority are saying people have the right to enjoy their homes and gardens.

Honestly - it does bother me no end. No I was NOT the person who put in the complaint. However I understand why the person did. He jumps up and down on a trampoline clapping his hands loudly and making sounds (he is non verbal), Their house is smack bang in the middle of a housing estate. I live 6 doors along and genuinely can't stand it especially when it's warm as my living room backs on to the garden and opening the patio doors makes it sound like he is in MY garden. The noise just carries. It goes on for hours and hours EVERY SINGLE DAY from when he gets home from school until bedtime.

Before anyone even thinks to jump on me with, "Try having an autistic child yourself...." actually I DO. Both my children are diagnosed as am I - I realised when I read their reports that many markers identified applied to me. Sudden loud noises really trigger me and I struggle to cope. I spent a fortune on my garden and I'd love to be able to sit out there and read in the summer. I don't mind the local children playing or someone mowing their lawn etc but the constantly clapping and screaming - just no,

Yes - he has a right to use his garden. However my point is - should it be EVERY EVENING ALL EVENING? Don't get me started on school holidays when it is all day AND night.

Also - does his rights being disabled trump mine also technically disabled? And do his rights trump everyone else's rights to quiet enjoyment of their gardens? The neighbour that backs on to her garden sold up and left as they couldn't cope not being able to enjoy their garden. It was a real shame as they loved the house and the area.

I am shocked at the mother's blatant attitude of basically "stuff you all my son is autistic". My children are to - doesn't mean I feel like they can trample over other peoples rights though.

I think thats how I feel. I heard the noises and found them very distressing before I worked out what it was. If my neighbours had explained I would have been understanding straight away. It’s distressing to hear, but I completely understand it’s even harder for the child and family. Interestingly another neighbour has asked me about this

You either have a SENd child that you referred to as a “daily misery nobody deserves,” or you referred to someone else’s like that.

I have already asked which way round that is?

I agree with @BettysRoasties. We live in a terrace and neighbors a few doors down have an autistic son. He sometimes has loud meltdowns and if I didn't know why, I’d honestly be concerned about domestic violence.

Explaining the situation to your neighbors isn’t apologizing for your DS, it’s simply letting them know.

We had this. Neighbour’s moved in and they built a 6ft fence. Turned out they were worried son would disturb, scare our kids. If I’d have known I could have said not to even think about it. We’d sort our children’s emotions.

No, I'm not a troll. I'm just someone with a different opinion to yours. I don't think there's anything wrong with tact and caring communication. I just don't think communities should be expected to live in silence, or that OP should be apologetic.

This is a really good idea.

DS6 is AuDHD and we have explained this to our neighbours. They are all very tolerant and understanding.

I think if it is due to disability and you’ve explained this then that’s all you can do. I will try to quieten DS down but he truly can’t regulate volume at all. If he’s being particularly disruptive then I’ll distract him with something indoors. But there’s only so much that can be done.

The awful truth is that DS doesn’t. No one does.

Communities live by mutual
respect.

Autistic DC need that respect a bucketload more than the rest of us do.

Show some. Or strangers might take this poster’s me-me-me attitude and inflict it on your son. Would DS enjoy that?

I have neighbours who are deaf and shout/chat. If they're out in their garden, I have to wear earbuds if I want to read because I can't block it out. I can hear them indoors too.

Other neighbours shout loudly at their kids, and the kids scream as a result.

Other neighbour play loud music at times and has a winchime which is a form of torture for me.

Honestly, unless you live away from people, it's all just part and parcel. You are trying to be considerate at least. None of mine are!

Have you got an autistic child, or a noisy autistic neighbour?

We’ve got one. He’s a daily misery no one deserves.

OP, you’re doing exactly the right techniques; people are much more liable to be nice if they can also hear you being proactive in keeping the noise down.

Everyone has their burdens - you’re not alone - and sad as it is to say, DS’s desire to hoot cannot outweigh 400 people’s need to enjoy their lives.

Intolerance and setting boundaries are not a problem for many, many things. ‘He can’t help it’ can’t change that.

Between 10am and 5pm, and not every single day, it's fine. It's clear he's autistic. Please don't stress yourself. Your autistic son also deserves to enjoy his garden from time to time as your neighbours do.
If they are decent people they'll understand that.
It sounds like you are trying to be as considerate as possible. That's great but it's also true that autistic people exist in the world and sometimes they make a lot of noise and we all just have to deal with that. And I say this as someone who works nights! If I could hear a clearly autistic child outside shouting in their own garden I absolutely would not hold it against the parents.. unless it was going on 24/7. It may disrupt my sleep but that's life!

If your neighbours are already aware of your child’s situation, then I don’t think you need to write them a card. Perhaps have a little word if you see them, gauge the lay of the land. Perhaps say to them, if there’s ever any real problem, to let you know. Maybe give them your number so they can text you.

I agree with writing to them most people under the circumstances would be understanding aslong as they know