Autistic child shouting/screaming in the garden

Well, I mean, do the neighbours really give a damn about her disabled child? If not then I suppose it goes both ways.

She's probably feeling ganged upon and like she can't win because he's likely even louder inside which is why he's outside so much. She certainly won't be doing it for fun or to get her jollies from upsetting the neighbours.

Theres an autistic child that lives near me ( 2 doors down) and honestly it is annoying but what can you do? He can’t help it - he does a sort of constant ‘eeeee’.

Its just life, I certainly don’t expect him to be indoors I tend to pop my headphones on and listen to music/podcast if I’m out there alone or when dc are outside and we’re chatting on we put low music on which helps.

@x2boys Yes, people will hear all sorts of garden noise. Over six hours every weekday evening is a lot though, I can understand why @FloatingInTheSummerSky is frustrated.

Most people don’t leave their children (with SEN or NT) outside for that long every evening.

@FloatingInTheSummerSky These children are a part of life and a part of our community. I would be interested to know what you would do differently if you were parent to one.

I challenge you to haul my kid anywhere. I’ll warn you in advance - he’s a big lad, and he’s very determined.

I have honestly formed the opinion of "bad parenting" after reading her numerous rants on FB. She clearly does not give a damn about any of her neighbours and her posts are extremely aggressive and very much, "You are all a disgrace as my son is disabled. You are discriminating against him which is illegal".

It doesn't except modt parents would be telling their non disabled kids off for screaming and shouting in gardens not making excuses

My own were hauled inside for shouting or fighting.

Solidarity, I also have nips and scratches and a rather fetching purple bruise on my arm from me Trying to stop him hurting himself
School next week thankfully

I can sit and read a book and easily filter out typical "day to day" noises such as people talking, gardening, bikes, scooters, football etc.

What I cannot filter out is constant loud clapping and screaming. It is completely different.

You then should be aware just how severe it can be and how not all children with autism are the same.

The child is clearly out there for that many hours for a reason. It's a shame your first assumption is bad parenting.

No, I understand you. But some of us literally cannot make our children shut up.

Our options would be stimming happily outside, or screaming inside. Likely some violence to us, possibly some self harm. You’d also still be able to hear it.

I’ve got genuine scars on my arms from being nipped, because I wouldn’t allow him to go and see his grandad.. at 4am.

Being considerate during actual inconvenient times, as in when your kids are asleep and it’s the middle of the night, is already hard.

You can’t be expecting that battle at 5pm, when all the other kids are allowed outside but ours isn’t because he’s too gobby?

I’m not saying the above for sympathy, I’m saying it for context. It’s really not as simple as just keeping them inside/busy.

Noise sensitive adults will also hear noise from everyone else outside of mumsnet land people don't sit silently in their gardens, people argue, smoke ,have noisy ,garden parties with music blaring ,
Children thst are not disabled. Also play in gardens paticularly in the summer
How is it it's only ever a problem when it's a disabled child making noise and not noise from everyone else ?

I have 2 actual real life children with ASD. I also have it.

I am VERY MUCH aware of the reality of it all.

Your neighbours are also living it with zero input on how to help or change it. With often zero chance at moving away either.

It's very easy to say that when you have an imaginary disabled child who is always compliant and easy to parent and the local sensory groups of course are also tolerated by this imaginary child.

Living it 24/7 with an actual real life child is a whole different reality.

I could quite rightly play heavy death metal til 10/11pm with zero consequences but I don’t because I’m nice and a toddler should be allowed to peace to sleep.

And noise sensitive people have a right to enjoy their garden also.

How comes there's so many exceptions made for disabled kids yet none for the disabled adults who have to put up with this noise that they don't cope with

And before someone vleats on about they should take responsibility and wear headphones etc, well sure the child ( or parents) should take responsibility for lessening noise

Has to work both ways

Well this is the thing about consideration isn’t it.

Id find it rather rude that my neighbour Mon-thurs had their child outside screaming and shouting till 7pm or later. Surely there is compromise.

I get it we also have a pool, but my children are told to be quiet and considerate because they are NT and can understand that. Just like I understand my neighbours toddler is louder and more excited but she goes to bed earlier as she’s younger. So again much like she might be outside by barely 8am chatting away to their livestock we wouldn’t be in the garden till 10am most likely on a weekend because lazy bums love sleep. We make sure we are quiet when we know she’s going to be going to bed as she’s only little but we can enjoy our garden and chat still.

He is indeed out there for 6+ hours EVERY WEEKDAY EVENING and eats out there - they have garden furniture.

He also constantly throws toys into the neighbours gardens. It distressed the neighbour who moved dog. Luckily I'm too far away for this throw to reach.

@SleeplessInWherever If the child really is being left out in the garden for over six hours every weekday evening, that isn’t great, tbh, it must be after dark by the time he comes in.
Presumably he has a meal at some point?

Fair enough.

But why would your desire to eat outside with your children trump my desire to let mine play in a paddling pool - because one of them is quieter?

By 7pm I wouldn’t want to be eating outside with my younger children having polite chat. I’d be wanting to get them ready for their bedtime routines so it would mean we would never be able to eat a meal or enjoy outside mon-thurs.

Autism dominates my life. I do get it. I've had the nasty judgemental looks from other parents when a full scale meltdown erupts in the middle of a public place. Been there - got the t-shirt.

However I cannot stand the whole, "I get a pass because...." mentally that my neighbour clearly has.

Honestly I'd be DELIGHTED if she brought her son in at 7pm, I could then get a bit of time in my garden. But she doesn't. He is ALWAYS there. It's infuriating.

Like I said earlier; we’re usually in by 7ish. I don’t think that’s too restrictive.

I just also know that “take them somewhere else” isn’t always doable. There are very few places our son can or will access.

If he wants to play in his own garden, convincing him to go to a SEN play session would be very difficult, and also IMO unnecessary. It’s his own garden.

“Poor parenting” is often handed around with no real idea how challenging it is to parent that child.

I do think 3 hours solid is a bit much.

How would anyone like to hear anybody shouting or whatever constantly for three hours.

Enjoying gardens is for everything. If you get in from work at 5pm and the neighbours kid is yelling from that time till 7/8pm. You’ve got no time yourself either that’s where being considerate neighbours comes in both ways. They are considerate of what you need but you need to be considerate of them too