Autistic child shouting/screaming in the garden

Go for it. Ours likes slamming bin lids, they could start a band.

There’s actually an autistic lad lives out the back of us. Stimming noise sounds super high pitched, and his favourite thing appears to be banging too.

As if I’d have the audacity to be bothered by that.

There you go

Your kids do what they like. Fuck the detrimental consequences to everyone else because that's not your responsibility.

As PP says, you're exactly like the mother on her estate.

If someone has an issue with the way a child is happy, that’s on them.

Cool. I'll move next door to you. What makes my child happy is smacking a metal bin with a baseball bat for 4 hours every day.

Got an issue? More fool you... How dare you be so prejudiced against my child just making himself happy.

No idea, I’m responsible for the children in my garden.

The happiness of the families in gardens A, B or even X isn’t up to me.

I would question (beyond disability and medical reasons) why someone would have an issue with a child playing, but tbh - it’s not really my issue. We’ve got enough issues thanks!

We’re talking about clapping and shouting, in this case. Stimming.

You’d actively stop your own child’s happiness to improve someone else’s? More fool you.

If someone has an issue with the way a child is happy, that’s on them.

Even if it is shouting, I know in our case the meltdown that would ensue stopping him from playing outside after school, would lead to someone being harmed.

So no, I wouldn’t watch my child punch himself, or either of us, in the face whilst all the other kids are allowed out to eat their dinner in the garden, or play on their trampoline, but he isn’t because it’s not convenient.

What kind of bullshit message is that? Yes kids do play outside after school. But not you, you play wrong.

Wouldn’t dream of it.

Why should family A never be able to use their garden because family B uses theirs for the only 4 hours every afternoon at a noise level that prevents family A from being able to be outside.

We have this exact same situation on our street to the extent I wonder if you are our neighbour, although I'm pretty sure the family has lived here a long time.

The first time I heard it, I thought what's that awful noise and felt irritated by it.

Then I asked my DH what it was and he told me it was an SEN child, I happened to walk past the house later that day and saw him playing in the garden. The noise is still a little bit annoying (I'm AuDHD and find certain noises very grating) but I appreciate that there's nothing the family can do and the child has a right to play outside in his own garden.

Exactly this.

I fucking hate people like this who do the rest of us, parenting our disabled children, a massive disservice.

So, if my kid can't scream and make the rest of you miserable for hours on end, then you're all pricks who hate think disabled children should be locked up.

No dear.

My disabled child is NOT entitled to ruin every neighbour's evening, every day, for hours on end. Just like my other children aren't allowed too.

And yes it's shit when they're even worse behaved inside, but we're the fucking parents, it's our job to listen to the noises or children make!! You don't shrug off "well it's less shouting in my face if I put him in the garden, so fuck the rest of you, enjoy my screaming child"

Having a disability, or being the parent of someone who does, is not an excuse to do what you like at the detrimental expense of others.

Sincerely,

Mum of disabled child who thinks everyone is equally entitled to enjoy their peace in their own home

You have my sympathies, that sounds mentally exhausting.

I wholeheartedly agree. There is a word for people who are intolerant towards kids and adults with SEN. Cunts.

I've done some research and it seems the way forward is "careful mediation" to ensure that (a) the boy can enjoy his garden and (b) the neighbours can also enjoy theirs.

However this would require the mother to actually see beyond her situation and appreciate that the neighbours would like to use their gardens sometimes without being hit by flying toys and listening to loud clapping and screaming. I don't think she is capable of that.

It will be interesting to see how it all unfolds. From a legal perspective he has the right to use the garden and has a disability. However the neighbours also have the right to quiet enjoyment of their homes and gardens.

We used to live in a house where our neighbour could've been you. A little kid kept making the same noise over and over again. Me and my husband assumed the little kid had special needs and did not think anything about it. If anything, we felt a lot of sympathy for the family. If you get nasty comments that says more about them!

In practice though, it sounds like your neighbours are trying to enforce that right and not having much luck? Because the council can't really ask people to stop making noise. It's a part of life in a community. I understand your situation is on the extreme end but I do think you are fortunate to have more choices in handling the situation than a severely disabled child and his parents do.

It’s more difficult living out in a quiet area. I used to live in a very dense populated area of London and didn’t think twice about my kids making noise in the garden. There was noise everywhere and everyone just got on with it. In quiet neighbourhoods people get funny about any noise.
A card or a word with neighbours would be nice, people tend to be much more understanding and kind once they feel some little connection with you.
And then try not to worry about him. Let him enjoy his space.
You sound very considerate.

Yep.

and again, when he goes inside, I can't imagine the child is suddenly silent. The nearest neighbours may still complain. He may even be louder if his routine is suddenly changed.

Parents of disabled children often can't win no matter what they do so she is likely doing what is best for her child.

I do know that I would not take my neighbour's approach because despite all of my daily challenges I do actually think about impact on others when it comes to my/my son's behaviour.

Also - the law disagrees with you. It has been established in common law that people have the right to quiet enjoyment of their homes and gardens.

You sound more thoughtful than me, we are In a similar situation with an extremely noisy child( verbal ) who also fights with siblings, screams, wants music up loud outside etc. I do think some of the neighbours must hate us but equally they make noise which disturb us of a different nature- I have my kids inside by 7pm latest and never out before 10am really whereas one family usually only comes out at 8pm and we can hear their kids play foot etc so I haven't found myself compelled to say anything or apologise. Another neighbour makes a lot of noise with gym equipment so overall if any one of them said anything to me I’d not be too worried. One elderly neighbour who I didn’t once say I’m sure you hear my child a lot said she loves hearing the kids in the garden as it reminds her of the family she raised! So your neighbours could be the same. Our garden is unique in a way as it has several other gardens backing onto it so unfortunate for us all that we have to hear each others garden antics!

You should go and explain the situation and try to minimise the impact on them. Mn aren’t your neighbours and you should speak to them. I can’t imagine anyone being realistically ok knowing this is a long term situation. They have a right to enjoyment too

To answer you genuinely - it’s the “neighbours shouldn’t have to listen to this.”

Nobody wants to see their kids as a burden, and parents of severely disabled children can be very defensive because things are already hard enough without receiving a telling off.

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest. Seriously. I've never had a home with a quiet garden.

My mum lives in a deathly quiet nice estate. TBH the quiet garden makes me feel uncomfortable. I wouldn't begrudge the neigbours (and there are lots) some mowing, DIY, civilised music noise etc. I am quite nosy though, like to know what's going on.

@BettysRoasties I think neighbourhood life is all about understanding and compromise.

I would honesty have NO ISSUE with my neighbour's son if I got a bit of respite from it. But I don't. It is relentless. The mother is not willing to even consider the fact it is impacting the neighbours. She is too busy shouting about how they are ignorant selfish discriminatory twats.

I genuinely think it would be a COMPLETELY different situation if she could adopt the mindset of, "It's not great for the neighbours to have to listen to this for 6+ hours straight every week day evening. Maybe I should bring him in at 7".

Are you disabled and unable to do anything differently?

Severely autistic children aren’t known for their flexibility.

Not being able to eat your tea peacefully outside may be upsetting for the NT, but it’s not a meltdown. Not in size, not in severity, not in impact.

But to answer properly - the world does things that are inconvenient or distressing for our son every day. He doesn’t fit in the NT world. So if you were doing something that bothered him, I’d let it slide, because some days he’s bothered that the sky is blue. It would go on the list of things we can’t help or change.

I did read all your posts. I know you have two children with ASD. I meant a child with a different set of behaviours. It's not so easy to say what you wouldn't allow without being in another parent's shoes. Plus I don't think you do have an actual right to the quiet enjoyment of your garden.

I’ll ask nicely.

If I was your neighbour and something I did in my garden or home set off your child into huge meltdowns would you ask me to maybe possible change or stop it.

After all I would just be going out my day enjoying my house or garden, regardless of how that affected your enjoyment of your home or garden.

Maybe that thing is something that I or my child has to do for their mental wellbeing,
maybe it’s part of course work because someone takes music but we do it within the allowed hours and by council rules it’s fine. Would you like to hope we would maybe listen to how it affects you and change too.

If you had taken the time to read my posts you would see that I have 2 children with ASD. I am also diagnosed.

My point is - I would not allow my children to be out screaming and clapping in my garden for 6+ hours every weekday evening and 12+ hours at the weekend.

I have a right to quiet enjoyment of my garden. The mother concerned is not taking on board any complaints and is too busy ranting about disability rights to bother thinking about anyone else's rights.