Autistic child shouting/screaming in the garden

No it's understanding that whilst your child can't help their "happy sounds" are the same as other people's "antisocial noise sounds"

Then allowing it to happen every day for hours calling anyone who is affected in their homes, disablist bigots.

When actually it's just selfish and ignorant parents. Make no mistake, no one is fed up with the child. It's the parents who should look further than their own noses but shrug off any respect to anyone else than themselves or their child.

What have you decided to do op?

You are already limiting the amount of time he spends in the garden and keeping it to social hours. They know he is autistic. You are doing more than enough to be fair on your neighbours.

If they complain they are arses. He's not an anti social teen blasting music at midnight. He's a child, playing at reasonable times in his garden. Even if he didn't have additional needs, it would be ok for him to make noise. Try not to worry

Because the behaviour isn’t just going to stop is it?!
You do realise that life isn’t fair sometimes don’t you?

Is it a joyous noise? That wouldn’t bother me.
My neighbours out back and to the side, have a teen who shrieks and swears like they are being murdered. They have never mentioned why. I presume they are SEN. It’s very irritating when it goes on for a long time.
I do think it would be nice to pop a note op. You’re nice to think of them.

That really only equates if the person has capacity to live to society’s expectations.

Why should anyone else move?

Have they actually complained? It doesn't sound like they have.
It could be that it doesn't bother them, or they feel that some noise is just everyday life.
We live in quite a quiet area and we have children around us who play in their gardens, trampoline, ball games - that sort of thing. Sometimes there is screaming and shouting (playful stuff not fighting) and it can be noisy. But it's just life. It's not all the time and we all make noise throughout the day.
Despite what it might seem like online sometimes, not everyone complains at every little thing.
I'd start chatting to them, open up communication so if they do feel it's an issue at any time they feel free to speak to you about it. Then you don't have to worry that they might be secretly annoyed.

As the Mum of a 40 year old, non verbal, autistic son I know exactly how you feel.
Our son has lived in his own flat (with carers) since he was 26. Until then he lived with us in our small, Edwardian terrace house. I used to agonise because of noise and upsetting neighbours but in all those years we never had any unkind comments or complaints. Perhaps we were very fortunate but I think the majority of people are understanding and well aware of the trauma and pain you are already experiencing bringing up a disable child. In fact neighbours often stop and ask how he is.
Can I suggest you take a look at the Challenging Behaviour Foundation website (although you probably already have!) They provide excellent support and helpful information.
Sending you a big hug!

I’m having a great day thank you.

But it seems you weren’t which is why you were rude when you initially replied to me.

Anyway, the next time you come at someone the way you did earlier today perhaps you’ll remember how it makes you look, and that when you try to dig a hole for someone else you’ll probably end up in it yourself.

The tone of some of the messages on this thread…as the parent of two ASD children, my youngest being profoundly autistic and non-verbal, I find it so disheartening. The odds are stacked against us every day. Even getting an EHCP is a battle. And to top it off, some people obviously think we should go back to the old days and pack our ‘anti-social’ children off where they can’t be seen or heard.

Bollocks to that, to be honest.

Seriously?

@SimplyStarry I'd go with the note to the neighbours. i hear you on this one: solidarity. We have the jackpot of the loud vocal stimming, the screeching meltdowns (during the day too as DS is homeschooled because he's been pushed out of school).... and the music practice for 3 instruments, which is what DS would do all day and night if possible. Often music practice involves vocal stims, and screeching meltdowns. Our houses are detached, insulated, double glazed, on quarter-acre blocks and the neighbours still all hate us (except the professional muso down the road, who loves us).

Eight pages in and finally some common sense!

Woah @FortnumsWeddingBreakfastTeaPlease that's really uncalled for. The pp was explaining some of the things that can happen when you have children with particular needs. You obviously don't know these things.

Some people have a non verbal child or teenager who is constantly trying to harm himself or others, 24/7, and is impossible to stop, except for some things like stimming in the garden which regulates them. What do you think people in ordinary houses should do? There simply isn't an option to "not let them do it" as the pp explains. All the alternatives are noisier for the neighbours or more harmful for the child, not to mention exhausting for already exhausted parents.

Of course children with SEN that requires them to make noise to regulate themselves should be extended tolerance.

3.45pm to 9pm every night in summer with absolutely constant noise is difficult for neighbours. Completely agree. It's no fun for anyone.

But some people, as eloquently explained above, are ALREADY compromising to live like that. Not letting children out at night. Working hard the other 18 hours of the day to keep them fed, slept enough and ideally in some kind of education.

It probably is possible to support children who stim loudly, a bit, to reduce noise somewhat, but you often need loads of time, energy, patience, knowledge, intellect, resources and support to do it. Perhaps a child who loves banging a bin would stop if given a £500 electric drum kit with headphones. For example. But you'd have to think of that and have the money to do it and probably work over a period of months to get the guy used to it! And it wouldn't work in many cases.

Also - people on here are misusing "quiet enjoyment". It doesn't mean we all have a right to quiet gardens. It means if you are renting your landlord isn't allowed to let themselves in and bother you and come into your property with no notice. That's all.

Unless noise is during antisocial hours or really a million decibels all the time, you do have to just suck it up.

She clearly does not give a damn about any of her neighbours and her posts are extremely aggressive and very much, "You are all a disgrace as my son is disabled. You are discriminating against him which is illegal".

This particular woman sounds aggressive and unpleasant but she lives with a severely disabled child all the time and who's to say she doesn't also have her own challenges. She doesn't sound well regulated herself.

Basically having the kind of SEN which means you stim loudly is shit for you, shit for your parents, and to a lesser degree shit for neighbours. We all as a community have the unfortunate bad luck of living with a level of disability which impacts society.

The people who don't like noise, but have more resources, can use the same level of skill, flexibility and imagination they are demanding SEN parents to deploy, to improve their own lot.

Buy an air con unit so you can sit indoors when it's hot and don't have to be in the garden if it is noisy.
Plan your holidays and breaks so you are away in school holidays.
Get up at 5am and enjoy the peaceful garden before breakfast.
Get a job where your shifts are in the evening, so you're out when the noise happens.

Work from home and flex your time, you can relax in the garden at 10am instead, when your loud neighbour's child is at school.

Does this sound impossible, resource intensive, would make your life harder and be extremely inconvenient? Well yes, exactly.

I live in a quiet detached house now with quiet neighbours. When my DC were small I lived in a semi. A family moved in nextdoor with an autistic DC probably late teen early 20's. He used to go in his garden and shout fuck, cunt, balls and tits really loudly and over and over. We had young DC and we put our house up for sale about 2 months after they moved in. I understood the neighbour couldn't help it but I didn't want to live next door to such bad language with young DC. If your DS gets too much your neighbours could always move.

Just go and see them and have a chat.

I think a note is better when you have zero relationship with your neighbour and not interacted before .

It puts ball in their court as to whether they respond or not. Plus it seems like so many these days (on MN) suffer from anxiety around unexpected visitors!

Aww I wonder if I'm your neighbour OP- we have a kid two doors down very similar to your son- oddly enough I can't stand noise in the garden when its peoples music but I quite like hearing his autistic stims. It's almost like a bird cawing. It's a happy noise to me.

I know a note is always suggested on MN but I find a note weirdly passive aggressive and odd I’d find it much easier to chat to the neighbours and explain the situation I can’t imagine why you’d write something to a person who lives next to you. I know it would be seen as a bit weird around where I am and something you’d only do if you’d fallen out with someone

Yes. There are certain boundaries I’m happy to have, and do have.

“Playing outside like other children are” is not one of them.

If what we’re saying is that it’s different because our children aren’t like others, so shouldn’t have the same access to play or outside time - that’s bigotry. Pure and simple.

I wouldn't have an issue with the noise at all.

However, you mention that the garden is echoey. Could you put any sort of sound absorbing materials on the walls etc as this might make a difference?
Whilst it might be expensive, it would be a worthwhile investment if you are going to be there long term.
Trees in pots might also help.

Yes I think we can all see it's beyond you.

Heavens
make yourself a coffee, get some fresh air and hope your day improves

Buzzzz 🐝 😆