Big argument with sister over DS

I voted yabu but I think sister should have spoken privately not in front of your DS. Also inviting DD to AT without discussing with you first is rude , and trying to get DD to favour her over you is wrong.

Guess op went nc with us as well 😂

Team Sister, here. Also Team DD (your DD, poor thing)

I agree with your sister, sorry. She sent you the list if activities for you both, as adults , to agree upon an activity. Not for your precious son to make a decision on. Why should your son have more of a say than her son who is also 9?! Is it because he'll break down in tears if he doesn't get his way? You shouldn't have cancelled the plans that were already made just because your precious son has decided he'd rather do something else. This would have been a good opportunity to teach your son a life lesson about honouring one's commitments, and not bailing on people bc you fancy something else. Tbh, I'd go LC with you if you were my sister! Poor girls and your nephew! Your sister is correct "it's not all about your DS" and it's about time he hears it from someone , bc clearly you are unable to teach him this as the adult.

Doubt op will be back but I’d love to know what activity was. I doubt it was something a 6 or 7 yr old girl would pick over bowling and cinema with her cousin.

If someone really wants to do something and one doesn’t, then we do it without them.

3 kids wanted to go to theme park. OP said her DD was not allowed to, because DS (who wasn't invited) doesn't like theme parks.

I don’t understand why you even mentioned that your DS doesn’t like theme parks when it doesn’t sound like he was invited anyway?

You have a golden dc @GeordieInSunderland .

Doesn't body well for your dd.

Why couldn’t your dd go to Alton Towers?

The issue with that is if she grows up witnessing her Brothers views being the only ones listened to then she will think that’s normal so why say anything.

The aunt is of the belief that the daughter didn’t want to do the activity it was changed to. the OP has decided that the aunt is lying but perhaps the daughter just feels her aunt is more likely to listen.

Wish we still had the 😄 reaction.

Ah. Another mum with a golden child who insists she treats all her children equally.

My DH was the "other" kid and has carried that into adulthood.

Is DS the eldest grandchild? It does sound a little like he is in control. Does your sister not get along with your DS? My sister always has an issue with anything my DD says or does but not my DS. Sometimes i think its a bit of jealousy.

In saying that this all sounds like a storm in a teacup. Take a bit of distance but I wouldn't go NC over it

Absolutely!! This is a one way ticket to creating sibling resentment.

by 6 my two were more than old enough to know what kind of day out they’d like

This!

Op seems to take her dcs choices and opinions into account. It sounds like her Dd doesn’t yet have strong opinions and Ds does so it makes sense.
If one of dcs don’t want to do a group activity and the others don’t have a strong opinion, we don’t do it. If someone really wants to do something and one doesn’t, then we do it without them.

If the sister is bringing it up, then she’s either over sensitive and holds a grudge, or she’s annoyed at a pattern of behaviour.

I agree. So many on here, and OP and her sister, getting massively bent out of shape for something pretty minor.

Sister then asked DD if she wanted to go to Alton towers with her and her kids. I said no as DS doesn’t like theme parks and she snapped “I’m not asking him! I’m asking her! It’s not all about him!”

This does make it sound like your DS gets priority all the time tbh.

Would your DD like to go to Alton towers with her aunt and cousins?

Is your DS more opinionated than your DD? Could that be making you more likely to prioritise his wishes? For a very short time when my twin girls were 8ish I fell into a bad habit of not clocking that we tended to do what the loud, opinionated one wanted to do, and the quiet one that didn't like expressing a contrary opinion didn't get their wishes. Thankfully a close relative (who had had the same issue) very kindly pointed it out.

I was absolutely mortified, and I considered hiding from them for a while, but I pulled my big girl pants up, told them they were right and thanked them for pointing it out to me. From then on I made sure both of the kids got the opportunity to give their opinions fairly and equally.

Why are you letting only DS decide?

Bloody hope this is a reverse!
If not OP is probably waiting for permission from her ds before she responds...

Hmm, I would have a think and see if there’s a possibility your DSis may be right.

If she’s the sort of person you make weekly plans with, you must be close. It seems odd that she’d just come up with the whole idea that you favour your DS from nowhere? It sounds like it was something she was already aware of and you’ve highlighted it with your approach to activities. In fact, you have not disputed that 1) you said you would check activities only with your DS and 2) DD couldn’t do something if DS didn’t like it, which does sound like favouritism.

Unfortunately, also suggesting that you might go NC with your sister over this does not paint you in a reasonable light either.

Your poor DD.

The 6-year-old is also old enough to have a valid opinion. And the sister invited her to the theme park without him, and OP still said no. She clearly prefers her son to her daughter.

What do you mean the "sister with only one younger kid?" The sister and OP each have a 9-year-old son, the sister has a 7-year-old daughter, and OP has a 6-year-old daughter. Yet only the OP's son seems to be the one being pandered to.

I'm not sure why you're ignoring your DD's wishes, but you clearly don't perceive her to have an equal input to your DS. It is genuinely confusing why you wouldn't be going through the list with both kids as well as adding some ideas of your own. With those ages, I'd also be thinking about some days all together, some where one of you take the eldest and the other the youngest, etc. No idea why she can't take your DD to Alton Towers either, she's your sister! I think you need to take some deep breaths, apologise to your DD and your sister, then in future involve everyone in the planning.