Big argument with sister over DS

My guess is that there is a drip feed that DS is neurodivergent. Even so you are being so unreasonable.

Why only ask DS not DD, that's very odd behaviour? And did you ask DD if she would have preferred to go with her cousins rather than do what DS wanted to do? You have to treat your DC equally or it will backfire on you in later years.

You can't be being serious?!

I don’t get this NC for any slight disagreement.
Sometimes NC is necessary if it is impacting mental health or safety of family members, this is totally valid, and justified.
Going NC with your sister cause she pointed out your obvious favouring of your DS wants over your DD isn’t one of these occasions.
You don’t like what she has said and rather than take it onboard and act on it you’ve spat the dummy, from what you’ve said she has a valid point

I mean there's only like a week left of the holidays but sure. You'd be doing her a favour by the sound of it.

God i have in laws that plan everything around one child's preferences and it's exhausting

Sometimes kids have to do things they dont want to, for the sake of the others

You need to calm down!

Yep.

I don’t even think it’s about age with the OP. I think she thinks her little Prince must be given his way.

This thread also shows why so many men think the world revolves around them when they are given that idea from such a young age.

Ffs your poor dd. Can you not see how unreasonable and annoying you must come across to your sister?

Agree with you 💯!

It definitely sounds like you expect everything to revolve around DS.

Why didn't you want to show the list to DD to ask her opinion? You changed your entire plans for the day- and even tried to get the rest of the group to change them- because DS decided he wanted to go to something different and clearly the commitment you'd made didn't matter as much as his whim.

Your sister tried to tell you that you weren't being fair to DD but you dismissed her out of hand, and when she attempted to prioritise what your DD wanted, since you clearly have no intention of doing that, you butted in to centre your DS in the conversation. And your biggest problem with that is that DS was upset by it.

Talk about a golden child.

I suspect maybe ds has Sen so you automatically prioritise his needs? Or maybe not. You should look up glass children. This isn’t a criticism as I have a Sen ds and my dd misses out on soooo much because he can’t tolerate a lot and ds dictate what we do because of this. However if someti trusted offers to take my dd to something we can’t do with ds I would say yes. Someone told me about the concept of a glass children and it’s important not to let a child feel you look through them for their sibling

I agree with her, and get why she finds it so irritating. The amount you have mentioned what your son wants to do just in your post does seem like that’s the only opinion you consider. Maybe it’s because your DD is younger and you’re not used to her having an opinion as she has been too young or is happy to go with the flow.

My mum does this with my neice and nephew, it’s always the older neice that she asks, takes out, nephew is an afterthought. She tries to make it seem equal but she puts a lot of thought in to her relationship with my neice. I know she prefers girls and I just accept it as it’s my mum, my DW finds it infuriating and has said if she ever acts that way with our kids then she’d cut her off.

Im sure you think it’s unfair but your sister has clearly picked up on something and instead of just getting defensive your should examine it, if you are prioritising your DS, your DD will eventually see he’s the golden child and it will be really traumatic

Why are people still responding? The OP hasn't returned and probably won't. Yet another intentionally provocative drive-by thread. So tiresome. 🙄

Yeah, even at 6 my dd would have had an opinion on a list of proposed activities and I'd have invited her opinion as well as ds's. We've a big age gap and so keeping everyone happy has sometimes been a challenge, but both kids know the world doesn't revolve around either of them.

Was Your sister offering to take DD? Why not let dd go with her aunt if she wanted to? You could've then taken DS elsewhere ?

You’ve given several examples where you are favoring ds over the other children. It sound like this has probably been going on for a while and she’s finally snapped.

Going NC with your sister because ahe called you out on your behaviour is ridiculous.

I dint think the entitled sister will be back here 🤓

Im waiting for the drip feed that ds has additional needs YABU. Your sister's response seems extreme so I'm going to assume this is normally what happens everyone dancing to a golden child tune. I have a friend who does similar we don't see them much now as I cannot be bothered with constant pandering to 1 child at the expense of the others enjoying themselves

Yes YABU. As pretty much everyone else has said, it does sound like you prioritise your son over everyone else, including your daughter. I am going to take a guess and say that for your sister to have reacted the way she did, this isn't the first time during your many visits together that you have appeared to put your son first. You should let DD go to the theme park with her cousins if she wants to. Did you even ask her if she had said what your sister said she did? When DS suggested another activity did you ask DD what she wanted to do? The reasonable (less pandering) thing to do would have been to stick to the agreed plan and organise a trip to do the other activity another time. That would have been a win-win, everyone getting to do what they wanted. Instead, you scrapped it and did what your son wanted instead. Going NC is ridiculous btw.

I dunno, I think you may have shot yourself in the foot a bit with this one. If you have a sister who's willing to share the load with some childcare help over the summer, would it not have been better to sit down and come up with an itinerary with the kids?

Say if one of her children preferred to do an activity that one of yours' had expressed an interest in on a certain day, you could have taken one of her's and she had one of your's (and vice versa). The eldest child shouldn't have the final say in what you do on a given day,; especially if the younger child could have gone with her sister and cousins and had a better time.

It’s going to be one of those threads that’s not right/real or the op doesn’t come back because they can’t handle the heat.

So you won’t allow your daughter to go to the theme park with her cousins because your son doesn’t want to go? It does sound like you’re letting your son’s preferences dominate. If you continue to effectively play favourites like this your DD will come to resent you for it.