Don’t want to do activities, and disappointed DH - am I ruining his time?

Sorry to hear his mum sounds awful too. She was purely focused on her son’s needs and probably didn’t give your feelings a second though.

Lesson to take from this is next time try and honour your feelings and needs . Don’t let him - or his family -browbeat you into anything.

He is happy enough to say no to you and put his feelings and “needs” first. Going forward you must consider your own well-being in decision making because he isn’t. There’s no prizes for being a martyr in these situations.

DH sounds awful.

I’m guessing he doesn’t do things that interest you but not him?

Has he ever lost a loved one, is he completely lacking in
compassion and empathy?

This reminded me of my ex…….when my BIL died suddenly I was really upset. My sister was left with two very young boys, I desperately wanted to support her in any way I could and all my ex said was ‘he’s dead, get over it’ .

He was very upset about this, and said he is “losing control of his life” because he didn’t “create” this situation and he needs a break. So I went.

Why didn’t he at least just go on his own if he was that determined to go?

Ideally he would have cancelled the trip and stayed back with you, but if he really did feel he “needed” this break why drag you along? Why did you go along? Did he pressure you?

I think there are bigger issues in your marriage than this specific holiday if you aren’t able to say no to going away on a trip following a family death.

Also what he was saying here if you read between the lines is that he is losing control of YOU and your life and he doesn’t like being challenged or asked to make any compromises.

Does he always boss you around?

He sounds very controlling, even his comment about losing control of his life because a situation happened that he didn't create, yes this happens in life when you are in a family! Bereavements happen, last minute changes to plans.

For him to then have you go and STILL control by policing your mood is a piss take, how uncompassionate can someone be!? You aren't a puppet dancing to his whim. I'm very sorry for your loss and hope you get some headrace to grieve properly soon, instead of having to please your husband and his friends.

Another selfish little man child. I’m tired of reading about them.

I’m so sorry for the loss of your grandad. You didn’t have to go on the trip with your partner but he should be extremely grateful that you did! Don’t do anything you don’t feel comfortable doing!

This is shocking. Is he having a depressive episode or something (not that that would excuse it)?

Go home. Be with your family. Right this minute. How is everyone else around you on this trip not utterly appalled at this? You should be with your loved ones and he should be doing EVERYTHING to facilitate that.

He sounds so selfish and lacking in empathy, as you’ve said even without the bureavement it doesn’t make sense.

He should be grateful you are participating in your own way. You shouldn’t have came at all tbh

OP, he is being very selfish. He hasn't considered your feelings at all.
I hope you get home soon, I'm sorry for your loss, look after your grandmother on your return.
I take it really harshly, if on the rare occasion I need compassion and it isn't forthcoming.
I find it difficult to forgive.

This.

He thinks he’s losing control of his life because you didn’t want to come on holiday? losing control of you, his cook, it sounds like. What a dick. I’d reassessing the entire relationship.

How does he usually react in times of crisis or when you need support?

Moodiness and door slamming? Oh, hell to the no. Don’t put up with that nonsense for a minute. Can you go home now or are you stuck there?

Your mum has to babysit all weekend when she’s just lost her dad or FIL so that your husband can go fucking windsurfing?

Absolutely shameful. Go home

Is your mum grieving right now or is it your dad’s dad and your parents are not together? If she’s grieving and your son is with her so he can have this trip that is shocking.

He’s being utterly, utterly selfish. That he’s got you questioning your ‘reasonableness’ in this scenario speaks volumes. Oh and he’s ’disappointed’ in you? Fuck him! I’m disappointed for you being married to such a self-centred prick!

So your DM, who's just lost her DF has to babysit for your DH is have a funfilled weekend?

He's done a total number on you.

FFS, it's hard to imagine how your husband could actually be any more selfish! He's disappointed you're not having (or pretending to have) a fantastic time for his benefit when you've just lost your grandad? The comments you have quoted are utterly disgusting.

This is a man who will never be there for you through difficult or tragic life events, the sort that would leave you if you became sick or disabled because he "is losing control of his life in a situation he didn't create" (I can't believe he said something so over the top about something so trivial as a weekend away). Have a really serious think about the future of your relationship, especially if you don't have kids yet - you can find someone much better.

He says he's 'losing control of his life'. I wonder how your grandmother feels about that after losing her husband.

So your Grandad died and your DH is moaning about you? He should be supporting you for god's sake! Is he always this selfish?

‘said he is “losing control of his life” because he didn’t “create” this situation’

This psychobabble bullshit is what selfish people to justify being selfish.

If it's your relative that died I'd be telling dh to fuck right off. How dare he tell you what to do if you're grieving. Selfish fucker.