DS went through DH phone. DH blames me

Silent treatment isn’t acceptable full stop. What is he, 3?

Grown adults use words to communicate how they feel and to work through things.

Two weeks silent treatment is LTB territory.

One DAY silent treatment is a massive red flag.

You shouldn't have accessed his phone and handed it over, and yes, he should blame you because you made that choice and did it, the fact your DS then went snooping through his photos is irrelevant really in terms of whose fault it is, she wouldn't have been able to if you hadn't handed her his phone!

But silent treatment is not the way to deal with such issues. The fact he thinks silent treatment is acceptable and can maintain it for so long is a serious issue, thats abusive.

Even the title saying “DH blames me”’ suggests that this she doesn’t really believe that she is to blame.

When my phone is low on charge I plug it in and I can still use it if required. There was no reason she couldn’t have done the same. What was the urgency with the email?

I read so many posts on here from people “explaining” why they were looking on someone else’s phone, they almost never sound legitimate reasons.

Going through someone’s photos on their phone is out of order.

There’s more to this, I’m not buying it

I would have no problem whatsoever with my husband forensically examining my phone, I have no secrets from him-but I would absolutely lose my shit if he allowed his sibling free reign on it.

Banking, budgets etc, search history (i am such a random googler), private messages with family/friends, pictures...the list goes on-I would be livid years afterwards never mind weeks-your sister is incredibly wrong but you were also to blame. YABVVU.

I dont even know what to suggest to make amends here. Its such a huge boundary overstep.

I think his rage is ongoing as OP hasn’t apologised and or didn’t rip the sister to shreds for being a cheeky twat…. The fact that OP is saying he should get over himself screams she has not acknowledged that he wasn’t happy with his sil going through his phone and he is seriously unhappy that his wife has and sil have not earnestly apologised.

OP did wrong by giving the phone but then appears to have played the no big deal card when her husband got upset therefore husband now feels invaded, unworthy and less than SIL

I agree. I’m surprised by the level of offence PP are taking at OP’s sister looking at DH’s phone, though that does seem a rude and nosy thing to do — strange for an adult. I’d be slightly miffed if someone went through my phone.

But his rage and two weeks of sulking are ridiculous. Unless, as Saveforthst suggests, he has something to hide.

In the spirit of this not being a Troll.
"Hasn't spoken for a fortnight" = he's made her feel uncomfortable since she was a twat to him (a night?) and she still doesn't think she's done anything wrong.

Looking at your posts - I think he is giving you the silent treatment till you apologise.

It's not called abusive because we don't know why he is doing it.

It seems very likely, based on her posts on here, that OP has not apologised properly, and he is waiting for her to do it. Silent treatment as a response to being treated badly, is not abusive. If OP has tried sincerely to apologise and to make amends and he was still giving her the silent treatment it would be abuse.

In the example given, having your brother pop round without forewarning you is not bad behaviour. Silent treatment is an unnecessary overreaction.

I think you were wrong to give out his phone. She was wrong to be in his photos, that wasnt what she asked for it for.

That said, blocking you and not speaking to you for a fortnight is ridiculous. This is either forgivable or it isnt. If it is, he needs to talk about it and let it go and if its not he needs to leave. But he cant punish you forever.

A few weeks ago, a woman posted in a state of deep pain about feeling violated in her own home by her BIL, who wasn’t respecting her wishes that he call before popping in. She was very upset with her husband about it and hadn’t spoken to him all weekend. Posters absolutely ripped her to shreds, saying that “silent treatment is abuse,” that she was an abuser, and falling over themselves in pity for her kids who had to suffer through that. The woman ended up so distraught at the attacks that she begged Mumsnet to remove the post. Why is it suddenly not called abuse to give the silent treatment for two weeks?

She was looking through his photos, maybe he has nothing to hide from you but things he doesn’t want your sister seeing.

But there is a big, big difference between you - his partner who he loves and trusts - and your sister, looking through his phone, @Evkopk!

You had no right to allow your sister to invade his privacy/use his phone without his permission.

You need to tell him you understand why he is so upset, then apologise properly, and promise that this won’t happen again. If, after that, he carries on with the silent treatment, that is tipping over towards him being unreasonable, but at the moment, he is probably just really upset at what you’ve done, and he has every right to be.

Are you teenagers?

😂😂

Why are you not acknowledging the invasion of his privacy?
Dh would be annoyed with me if I unlocked his phone for someone else to use and they casually started being nosey. I would too. Although to be fair, I think if I picked his phone up and just started being nosey without "just looking for a photo/number/something on xyz" he'd be a bit put out.
Both dh and I are very open with our phones, locked because we have young childrent that like to touch, we can access everything, but granting that access to a 3rd party without checking is rude.

Are you being deliberately obtuse?

I don't have anything to hide on my phone but I'd be furious if my partner lent it to someone else who then started looking through my photos.

So, see the second paragraph, why would anyone ever think it's acceptable.

Telling him to get over it isn't going to the brightest move but the question of where this is all going next is. And perhaps find an apology in there as well.

No amount of silent treatment is acceptable but you don't seem to realise just how out of order and disrespectful you've been to your husband.

You probably should have used his phone and gave your sister yours at the very least.

Agree. But I would not be ignoring/ blocking my partner for weeks on end. We'd likely have an argument - they would apologise, and that would be done.

Has your sister sincerely apologise for invading his privacy? Did you apologise for giving his phone out?

When it all happened, did you back your husband up and tell your sister she was out of order for going through his things when she was meant to check email and sign off?

But it still reads like you don’t think you’ve done anything much wrong and the consensus says you have !

He shouldn’t be giving you the silent treatment but if you haven’t properly acknowledged fault then maybe that’s why