DS went through DH phone. DH blames me

Agree, 100% this..

But hey, let's turn it round on OP's DH, make him the bad person, who incidentally wouldn't have even been put in this position if his DW hadn't of overstep the mark and let her DSis invade his privacy.

You mean, Does his wife have form for showing such a behaviour , breach of trust and no respect of him or his privacy?
It's borderline abusive behaviour from her.

Why are you ignoring the fact that a) you shouldn’t give someone’s personal device unlocked to someone without their permission. B) refusing to answer whether you apologised C) why the hell your sister did that?!

There are some mad responses here. Stonewalling for two weeks is as toxic as it gets. Does he have form for this?

I very much doubt he's anything to hide.

You did wrong by even thinking of handing over his phone to your DSis and your DSis far to rude and nosey.

To some it may only be a phone but to your DH it's a personal belonging and TBF I'd be furious if anyone was scrolling through mine without my knowledge, nothing to hide here either.

It's probably more the fact that it's your DH phone and not for you to hand over to anyone, the snatching of it was probably more a 'FFS that's my private property, can't I have anything private' moment.

Two weeks silence, granted is a long time but I do wonder if it was also a straw that broke the camels back moment, if your happy to hand over such a personal item as his phone she's a CFer to nose through it what else have you and your DSis done to piss him off.

You’re totally right, of course.

I can remember a time when it would have freaked me out. But it wouldn’t now cos o know it’s just photos of my DD.

You’re all correct that it’s weird, not on, an invasion of privacy. But I just can’t imagine getting that irate over it unless I had something to hide.

The silent treatment is emotionally abusive.

Thank you for putting into words exactly what I think!

Silent treatment is totally cruel and abusive. If you have genuinely apologised for being thoughtless and showed that you understand his feelings on the matter, then that should be the end of the matter. I would not tolerate someone who uses silence as a weapon. His behaviour will continue unless dealt with assertively. Two weeks of silent treatment is appalling behaviour and shows that in my opinion he does not care about you.

Is this a reverse or something? Cause it’s a logical question to see whether the resulting behaviour is appropriate.

I think you were highly unreasonable to provide access to his phone without his permission. Obviously as a spouse you've agreed a level of trust involving passwords, but you've actually breached that trust by inviting a third party in on that. The fact she was in his photos and not on her emails proves you were incorrect to trust her with it. Your dh deserves to be able to choose who he shares his personal information with - he chose you not your sister and I'm sure it feels violating. So I can understand him having a reaction to it. You should have given her your phone or no phone.

However, two weeks is a very long time and blocking you out of family WhatsApp groups is not a proportional reaction and I agree with others I would actually be questioning why he's reacted SO strongly.

Did you sister have suspicions about him that prompted her to search? Do you have suspicions about his behaviour outside of this? I think you need to sit him down and talk about this and acknowledge your part in this and then move forwards. He can't continue to ice you out without seeking a resolution if he wants a healthy marriage.

You shouldn't have given it to her without asking him first.

She certainly shouldn't have been doing anything other than what she'd borrowed it for!

You should have let her borrow yours. By "using it" I'm assuming you were doomscrolling or similar.

His not taking to you for two weeks is also a complete and wild overreaction, though.

I am really surprised at the responses on here. OP was out of order - but to BLOCK her number for 2 weeks is completely unacceptable. She can't reach him for emergencies/ discuss DC if they have any. Its not on.

Point one - YOU give your bag to a family member.
Point two - to find something specific.

A better analogy would be your DH/DP giving your bag to his brother to find the aspirin and brother decides to rummage through the whole bag to see what else you've got in there.

Private messages, yes,...nothing earth-shattering, I wouldn't say. They don't tend to disclose extra marital affairs/crimes they've committed/hateful thoughts about someone else through texts. We save that for in-person meet ups.

I can't believe you would just hand over his phone, and I can't believe your sister would scroll through his photos.. what the fuck is wrong with you both?

I can only imagine his silent treatment was down to the response from you both when caught out, rather than the act itself. You obviously don't think you did anything wrong, so I can't imagine the apology was sincere in any way.

If the OP regularly acts like this though (no reason to think she doesn’t as she sees no problem with what she’s done) and there have been similar incidents - then I can understand his reaction (though generally ignoring someone you live with for two weeks I would class as abusive). Just makes me think there may be more of a back story and OP has done similar things before. In that case I can understand him completely withdrawing, whilst he’s thinking about what he needs to do next.

Did you ask her why she was looking at his photos?

It seems a misunderstanding on the point that you said DSis could use his phone just because you can

The CF sister was going through his photos, not making a quick call (or checking emails, as it were).

It is not reasonable to refuse to speak to your spouse for two weeks and ensure that they cannot contact you by phone.
It seems a misunderstanding on the point that you said DSis could use his phone just because you can; clearly you thought it would be okay and DH did not and should have been asked.
On the other hand. dSis massively overstepped by looking at the photos, but this is a separate issue.
His response is unreasonable and I would personally be asking him if he actually still wanted to be married to me.
I could not be bothered with all this. You made a mistake, you have presumably apologised.

Did you apologise for lending his phone without asking him? Did your sister apologise? Have you told him you are angry with her?

The fact that you're seemingly incapable of grasping what you've done wrong tells me how since your apology is likely to have been.

I would have gone mental if you had done that to me, gross invasion of privacy, what were you thinking OP!

Totally this. I’d be fuming if my BIL was just sitting scrolling through my pictures. It’s rude and personal. Yes my DH has my passcode but even he wouldn’t take my phone and just sit and look at stuff. I have notes about all sorts on my phone.
I mean you live together I assume so how can he ignore you? Two weeks is extreme but not if you’re not admitting what you did was wrong and apologise.

I would never ever look at someone's mobile unless it was a definite emergency.
Be careful what you wish for whoever does.

Going away to seethe quietly to avoid a huge and unproductive row, for an hour or so... thats fine, thats diplomatic and sensible.

Two fucking weeks - no, that is abusive and if you think thats acceptable, I really don't know what to say.

No doubt that the OP has crossed a boundary and behaved badly, it was thoughtless and inappropriate.

But there are non-abusive ways to handle it. Going to the extreme length and effort required in blanking someone who lives with you for two weeks, to punish them, is not ok.