DS went through DH phone. DH blames me

I'm really shocked at all the replied siding with DH on this. I would definitely use my husband's phone if it was closest to me if I wanted to Google something etc, and he would do the same with me. The snooping isn't acceptable obviously but I see no issue with the rest of it. A phone is not a sacred object.

You and your DSis were completely out of order. I can’t think of any circumstances where my DSis would consider looking through my DH’s phone or where I would look through my DBIL’s phone. It was an invasion of privacy, definitely.

Did you and your DSis apologise profusely to your DH? That’s what you should do. It’s no guarantee that he’ll forgive you, though; his behaviour suggests that he sees the marriage as being over.

I put YANBU because although you shouldn't have given his phone to your sister, it's a small thing and 2 weeks of silent treatment is bang out of order.

You breached your husband’s trust and your sister is downright nasty for going through his photos. The pair of you should be thoroughly ashamed of yourselves.

From his reaction I’m guessing this isn’t the first time you or you and your sister have ridden rough his over him.

I would be questioning the relationship if I was him as you and your sister appear to be a right couple of bullies.

Personally I have photos of myself in my underwear on my phone because I'm tracking my appearance while I lose weight, and I've also definitely taken photos of my fanny before when I had a weird thing I needed to look at and couldn't see in a mirror. Some consenting adults in relationships also like to send each other spicy pics from time to time. He doesn't need to have been concealing an affair for there to be photos that were private and he should have had the expectation of privacy around them.

Were you/sister looking for evidence of cheating?

The fact he’s giving you the silent treatment for two weeks suggests that your relationship is already in a very poor way and you don’t need evidence of infidelity to start divorce proceedings.

Leave and don’t look back.

I have no issue with my DH or DD using my phone but I'd be bloody angry if DH gave it to his sibling or DD gave it to her boyfriend to use without my permission.

I too would have given it to a shop assistant if necessary to put an app on buy with me watching them. If they had then decided to go through my photos I'd have had them fired (although I am sure they wouldn't have been so rude or at all interested) and I think you probably would have too.

What in the hell were you thinking? I would have been furious with both of you. And I probably wouldn't have been over it quickly.

The assistant at pets at home wasn't nosing through your photos was she?!
It doesn't matter what's on our phones. It's private. My search history, my ChatGPT logs, my photos, my messages and my screenshots are MY business. My DH wouldn't look at any of them without my permission, it's as rude as flicking through a diary or perusing a handbag would have been in the days when people wrote in diaries and carried handbags.

So how would you feel if the store assistant started going through your photos or messages instead?

Everyone should be entitled to privacy.
It doesn’t mean you’re hiding anything.

How would you feel if someone read your diary or MN posts.

You gave your sister your husband's phone and then she started scrolling through his pictures? What the fuck? You are absolutely at fault (and she is too!) obviously he shouldn't be ignoring you but that's such a violating thing you both did he's within his rights to be furious.

Why did she think it was ok to go through his photos? Maybe he would have been ok if he saw her in her emails but to see someone scrolling through his personal photos is not ok. Everyone knows the rule, if someone shows you a photo, you don't swipe left or right at any others (or am I still living a decade behind everyone else 😅) no, she had absolutely no right to be in his personal photos. I know I have loads of random shit on my phone that would look ridiculous to a stranger. What if he'd been having erection issues and had screenshots of different things he wants to look further into, or had seen/heard about something and had a Google and to someone else, it would look dodgy, etc.
Sounds like a set up between yous to snoop. The silent treatment is awful but it sounds like you don't see how relevant it is that she was in his photos when she was meant to be checking her 'very urgent, must check now' email.

There is nothing of any interest on my phone or in my handbag but no one ever goes though either of them without my express permission. If OP comes back I can’t wait for the mega drip feed to justify this.

Me and DH give DD our phones. What the hell has everyone got on their phones?!
I couldn’t care less who uses mine, I gave it to the store assistant on pets at home the other week. She set up the app for me, password and all 🫣

Sorry you’re in this position, OP, but it sounds to me like your marriage may be ending.

It made no sense to give your sister your H’s phone for her to check emails. She could just have charged her own phone. And in any case, you should have given her your phone for this.

It made no sense for your sister to start going through your husband’s phone.

I’m not surprised your husband was annoyed but you can’t have a marriage where one partner does not speak to the other for 2 weeks and blocks you on family chats. That is abusive.

I agree with PPs - it sounds like you wanted to snoop on your husband’s phone and your sister knew how best to do this. Your husband’s reaction suggests to me that this is about more than just his privacy and that there was perhaps something to find. In any case, it is abusive and the current position cannot continue.

Why would you think it's okay to lend someone else's phone to your sister? Why does she think it acceptable to scroll through someone else's photos? You are very unreasonable.

^ This.

Phones may be private, but two weeks of silent treatment and blocking your own partner is a very extreme and unnecessary reaction.

Being pissed off then fair enough. I'd be a bit annoyed at someone lending my things without asking.

But... what is on the phone he was worried she might see? No one reacts like that if they're innocent!

Sending nude photos to someone? An affair?

Has your sister apologised? Have you? What was she playing at going through his photos and phone? I’d be livid.

His reaction of silent treatment isn’t ok. He needs to make a decision about whether he can forgive and move on or if this is the end for him. It’s a huge invasion of his privacy and how dare you even hand his phone over like that without permission.

I’d have to write him a note and leave it on his bed telling him that silent treatment is abuse and you will not live like that so he can either speak to you or leave. Write that you know you and your sister were wrong and that you’re sorry and say he is absolutely entitled to be angry about what happened but that he needs to work through that anger and speak to you to try and move forward or he needs to end the marriage.

Why was she going through his phone? Yabu. Has she even bothered to apologise? Why couldnt she just charge her own phone?
i would be livid if i was your partner i dont blame him at all.

Seems like a ploy to go through his phone while he was upstairs.
Weird to go through his photos. Why couldn't she put her phone on charge then check her emails. They couldn't have been very important. If they were, she would have made sure it was charged.

Do you suspect him of cheating?

Why was your Sister going through his photos if she was meant to be checking her emails? Has she apologised for taking such an unforgivable liberty? Do your family know the meaning of boundaries?

Your post is really baffling - why didn’t you give your sister your phone? Why your DH’s?

Has he been wandering about the house refusing to talk to you while you try to phone him?

And finally, why have you (and your sister) not apologised? Even if he won’t talk to you, you could write.

You could have let her use your phone and you use your husband's phone if you both had such urgent need. You showed no respect for his privacy and now you think he should just get over it. I'd view it as a serious breach of trust, compounded by your determination to minimise it.

You don't just offer up someone else's phone. I have absolutely nothing of interest on my phone. It's a wasteland of silly memes shared with friends and thousands of photos of my kids but it's mine, it's private and I would be furious if my husband offered it to someone else to use. Maybe his reaction does indicate that he has something to hide but I can understand him being so angry.

I would absolutely raging.

I would 100% stop talking to your sister and I would struggle to forgive you too.

All you can do is apologise and promise to never go on his phone or let anyone go on his phone again.

Your sister sounds awful.