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Original poster

No sex life - WWYD? At my wits end.

113 replies

sexproblems · 24/08/2025 08:38

No idea where we go from here. I really need some honest opinions. Sex drives are hugely mismatched, and it seems to be getting worse. I am female, 55, he is male, 52. Been together for 20 years.

We had sex 15 times in 2024. This year, we have had sex 4 times so far. If I was being positive, I would say that our shift patterns are partly to blame, BUT, we just had two early nights in bed (in bed for 9 hours), both naked and both sober, and he didn't make any moves on me whatsoever.

We have our whole retirement planned out, but I can't live the rest of my life celibate. Where the hell do I go from here? Has anyone been in this situation and managed to turn it around?

OP posts:
GreenAndWhiteStripes · 24/08/2025 08:59

OP, this is unlikely to suddenly improve, in fact it will almost certainly get worse as your DH gets older. So it's up to you whether or not the positive aspects of the relationship make up for it. If not, start making plans to leave.

Ohlifelife · 24/08/2025 08:59

If you have had "loads of conversations " what did he have to say about his lack of interest in sex?

Mynewparasitefriend · 24/08/2025 08:57

I couldn’t live like that, you have my sympathies OP.

Would he consider an open marriage? Would you? Is it just sex you need or specifically sex with your DH? Would you consider a very discreet affair?

Time for a very open conversation. You want to be excited for your life together but you won’t live in a sexless marriage.

InterestedDad37 · 24/08/2025 08:56

sexproblems · 24/08/2025 08:51

Yes, we have had loads of conversations about this. Last one was about a month ago, where I said I couldn't go one more day without sex. He said "we will have to rectify that", and nothing happened.

Show quote history

Something is obviously stopping him, and it's possibly the relationship, in which case you both need to act accordingly.
Possibly erectile dysfunction or fear of it. It is a very real thing for men of your husband's age, and many are genuinely afraid of it, embarrassed by it etc. He can get help and advice on that, and you can both read up on ways round it, too.
If it ain't rising, it ain't rising 👍

MamaElephantMama · 24/08/2025 08:56

If it’s been going on for years it won’t get better. I would have left long before now.

chatgptsbestmate · 24/08/2025 08:55

sexproblems · 24/08/2025 08:51

Yes, we have had loads of conversations about this. Last one was about a month ago, where I said I couldn't go one more day without sex. He said "we will have to rectify that", and nothing happened.

Show quote history

But you DID go one more day. You need to get real. Mean what you say.

If you cannot go one more day without sex, and you get no sex, leave. Start mediation.

He might simply be low on testosterone but YOU want the sex so YOU need to force the issue

mikado1 · 24/08/2025 08:53

Talk to him. Sounds like his libido is waning. But talk in case there's something else, ED or whatever. You have 20 good years under your belt and a retirement planned.. take it all into account before you decide what to do.

Original poster
sexproblems · 24/08/2025 08:51

StressedOot3 · 24/08/2025 08:41

Have you spoken to him about it?

Yes, we have had loads of conversations about this. Last one was about a month ago, where I said I couldn't go one more day without sex. He said "we will have to rectify that", and nothing happened.

OP posts:
Original poster
sexproblems · 24/08/2025 08:50

Upsetbetty · 24/08/2025 08:40

And why did you not make a move on him? What would he do if you did?

Years of him rejecting me, have led us to a place where he has to make the first move.

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 24/08/2025 08:43

What does he say when you talk to him about it?

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 24/08/2025 08:42

What would happen if you touched him under the covers?

StressedOot3 · 24/08/2025 08:41

Have you spoken to him about it?

Upsetbetty · 24/08/2025 08:40

And why did you not make a move on him? What would he do if you did?