Husband has got extreme views

There's a huge difference between NIMBY and the aims of the far right, and I think most people know the difference. You can see the divide in the protests.

People who aren't racist who are NIMBY, full on far right thugs who dream of a race war.

I have a daughter but couldn't share a platform uncritically like that

And that's the key, critical thinking, that's not right or left thing. Having a moral compass and the intelligence to conisder both sides of any argument. I couldn't be with someone who lacked that intelligence.

He is also fearful of immigration and is saying he will go on the marches and that we are being take over and that we need to be prepared

To be fair, he is 100% correct on this.

Yeah, this is the kind of thing I would have said before I got to know some conspiracy theorists. They tend to be obsessed with their beliefs. They bring them into every conversation. They look down on those who don’t share their views, As they read more snd more their views become more pernicious and less connected to reality. Unsurprisingly, conspiracy theories are now a new conduit for antiSemitism. Attempts to reframe Hitler as ‘not such a bad man’ ‘he did some good things’ are now amongst the set of beliefs you will hear from conspiracy theorists. Conspiracy theorists tend to admire dictators. Putin got a thumbs up from the CT I knew.

CT are not just people with ‘valid but alternative’ viewpoints. It’s something else entirely.

You’re the one being brainwashed by the right wing media about a so-called migrant crisis in order to ensure you vote for people like Trump and Farage, who ultimately want to line their own pockets. They have absolutely no interest in future proofing the country and ensuring that local communities are prosperous, safe and supported.

For thousands of years people have migrated across continents. It’s a natural human endeavour and has increased at a more rapid pace since the end of WW2. However, stop and think for a minute.

Do you assume that all the people moving to the UK are unemployable, likely criminals and a drain on the economy? Why do you think that?

Have you never come across a non UK born Doctor or nurse in the NHS, Police force, local garage, bakery or any other major employer?

Due to the Tory’s being in power for too long and their constant cuts to our support services, not enough has been done in the last 10 years to ensure that migrants are properly supported and integrated into society, unlike the governments in say, the Scandinavian countries. Here, it’s been left to small charity funded agencies to pick up the slack and rely on unpaid volunteers.

Where I live (abroad), we’ve had a lot of migrants from Eastern Europe and they’ve been a boon to the local economy bringing their skills with them. We are short on home grown tradies but that gap is being very effectively plugged by qualified and experienced mechanics, electricians, plumbers etc. The local farmers market now has regular stalls run by migrants selling their amazing traditional baked goods etc. It’s a wonderful new world.

The ‘go to’ explanation for any kind of non-typical or extreme behaviour is always ‘must be autism’. It’s tiresome. Neurotypical people can also indulge in extreme and stupid behaviour too you know. Many of them do!

Flat Earth is fairly easily debunked - a guy called something like Professor Dave does a very good job of that on You Tube.

The enslavement issue is another matter. Any government could in theory control a population with a centrally issued digital currency, no cash and a digital ID (e.g. you could be locked out of buying food, for example, if you post something criticising the government online). Most central banks are looking at digital currencies (Bank of England atm), the UK government is looking at a digital ID according to its own website and cash is disappearing fast (another cash point closed in my small town last month - a lot of shops no longer take cash). All this is easily verifiable and not at all a wild conspiracy theory. It depends whether you think governments can be trusted in the future to respect your freedoms.

Your question isn't really about that though - its whether you can continue to live with someone who has radically different views from you. Only you can answer that.

They've already got children.

I had an ex like this. Looking back, I think he was probably depressed, with a combination of feeling special somehow - like he was the chosen one who had his eyes 'wide open'.
What I couldn't stand was the constant negativity. Like yeah ok, so if the world really is like what you think it is then what are you going to do about? Oh just sit at home all day watching youtube videos and bitching about the brainwashed 'sheeple'? Yeah that's going to change stuff.

Honestly for me it appears to be less about the beliefs themselves, more about the way he handles it. I am also left leaning, not religious in any manner, and like to think evidence based. The beliefs themselves are as absurd to me as religion. However, raising children in a household with multiple beliefs who can respect each other's opinions, enjoy debate without getting personal, and discuss our differences openly seems like a healthy household for children to be raised in. If my partner woke up tomorrow as a scientologist, for example, I'd find it hard but would like to think we would openly discuss it. If that didn't happen (whatever the belief) I'd find that too alienating and concerning. It would feel like an integral part of the person I fell in love with had changed. Could that be what's happening with you? And why you can't quite reconcile your thoughts re religion ? ... just a thought! Im so sorry OP, it must be incredibly hard.

And the vast swathes of uninhabited countryside. I'm sick of the 'we're full' nonsense.

Me and DH have different views. I believe in the bible as a literal recount. I believe Jesus will return to the earth one day as he has been before.
DH doesn’t.
We are fine together because I respect that he doesn’t believe what I do, and I don’t believe what he does. That’s it. He might ask about specific Christian things and I answer. That’s it.
However, I went to school with someone who has an open Facebook. Their views are quite extreme and has talk about being the chosen one, the knowledgeable one etc. Then starts to go to hatred for women (intertwined with their many other beliefs) It later messy and very strong. I’d find that very difficult.

@DiscouragingDiagnosis My DM is the same. V highly educated but with a background of personality disorder, trauma, and lack of social support so it was really waiting to happen.

I sent some pictures of the kids recently and all I got back were conspiracy links accompanied by long ranting messages about the woke agenda.

No I won't because it's a fact that my industry has a high level of such people including me, takes one to know one! Goes with the work territory. Plus he displayed classic ADHD avoidance behaviours and work done last minute only under pressure, going from one thought to another a many times a minute. There were many other signs though! He was still a great guy so it's sad to see him be sucked into the rabbit hole of conspiracies.

Is it not conceivable @PeriJane that there are varying levels of people on the spectrum and that it can make people more vulnerable to some ideology, and I'm going to include the extreme trans movement as well as conspiracy theories in that, so I'll be popular!

You've obviously been to Victoria tube on the wrong day 😁. Sure there are others haha. Crackpots.

I listened to a podcast on BBC sounds called Death by Conspiracy.
I used to think that 'facts' and 'science' should be enough to persuade people away from the tin foil hat but unfortunately it isn't.

You need to decide what you can put up with. Sounds a difficult situation. I wouldn't want my DC to think that this was normal behavior

Oh fuck off with the ‘undiagnosed autism’ bullshit!

Has he had some kind of mental health breakdown and is experiencing paranoia?

If this is sudden and completely out of character you could firmly suggest to him that he needs to speak to his GP/seek support.

If he persists in his odd behaviour/views then I would not hesitate to end the relationship.

I would be concerned that he is going to get even worse and that the kids will be affected to.

That's a bit of a sweeping statement @IridiumSky . I've seen an intelligent ex co-worker professional with critical thinking skills become taken over by this stuff. I'd say he is undiagnosed autistic as ADHD so not sure if this also impacts. But I'd also say he is undergoing some kind of mental health crisis because it does sound like hysteria. It's actually quite worrying and I think a symptom of men thinking they cant ask for help with mental health/be vulnerable and the lack of mental health care readily available.

My once-beautiful area is built up on every inch. And I am talking about GPs, hospitals, council services, ie the infrastructure. So yes, it really is.

Your DH is delusional. He continues with fixed ideas despite overwhelming evidence his ideas are unfounded/wrong. Religion is not the same as culturally it is acceptable to have religious beliefs that for some test the realms of reality. Most are also not fixated on their religious beliefs and find them helpful/gives them peace. He sounds mentally ill and it would be something I would be encouraging specific mental health help for.

The difference is the obsession. Using religion as an example, there's a difference between an ordinary religious person and the person who stands in front of the tube station reading the Bible through a megaphone and telling everyone to repent

I could not deal with someone long term who is that lacking in intelligence and critical thinking ability. These thicko’s are all the same and are so extraordinarily dense and lacking in self awareness that you will never be able to have a reasoned debate or conversation. Their stock response is always that the reasonable, intelligent ones have been ‘brainwashed’ and are ‘sheep’. They think googling something is the pinnacle of scientific research and they ‘know their stuff’. I refuse to waste my time on dumbasses like this.

Are you hoping to start a family and would you be happy for children to be around these views? That is probably your answer. He might also be having a mental health problem. Sadly, the people who organise these conspiracy groups and hate groups really do target the vulnerable.

There was a similar thread a few years ago and someone posted a link to advice on how to engage with someone like your husband. From memory, it was not to directly challenge but to quietly engage with them and treat them as if you respected their views. I think the theory was that this calm engagement might allow them to see how crazy it all was.

As poster above said 'I wonder how much of this reaching for madness is a way to control anxiety about the world, lack of her control, her place in it...'

This makes a lot of sense to me. Also, it's kinda exciting. We all know there are some conspiracies that turn out to be true or some things that happen that most of us raise an eyebrow and frankly it's intriguing and interesting when this happens. I wonder if it's a bit of thrill seeking. How interesting is his life generally. Is it boring? Is he looking for excitement,?

I agree with you about religion.

Regarding his flat earth views and all the other mentally unstable opinions he holds, ask him for solid, hard evidence. Especially the flat earth, he needs to provide the evidence for this for you to believe it. Bring it up whenever you're in company so the more people hear about his batshit views, it might make him stop and pause.

The flat earth view is a good starting point, because he'll definitely look like a fool in public. It'll also establish his views as unstable and easy for him to be dismissed, expose his views to sunlight.