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Husband has got extreme views

332 replies

UnsureDifferences · 24/08/2025 01:29

Name change on this to protect myself and family.
So my DH has over the past few years got more and more what I would call extreme views. He is into conspiracy theories, it started off by watching a few videos and being curious and now he full thinks that the illuminati are out to enslave us and talks about the earth being flat, which he is not sure about but goes on about it.
He is also fearful of immigration and is saying he will go on the marches and that we are being take over and that we need to be prepared.
I am an easy going educated person who leans slightly left and believes in science.
This is really getting me down as I am not sure I can be with him anymore if this is who he is now.
Aibu to leave him for having these different views. Or is it managable to continue on.
One part of me thinks it is similar to two people of different faiths being married, is this possible? Has anyone had a good relationship with someone with opposite political or religious views to them?
Any ideas as to what to do here.
Everything else is fine in our relationship

OP posts:
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Phobiaphobic · 27/08/2025 23:02

MiloMinderbinder925 · 27/08/2025 12:46

I can only imagine that this stems from a fundamental misunderstanding of what the GRT is.

There is absolutely no way that the UN believes that white Europeans are purposefully being replaced by non white people due to some kind of elitist collusion.

It's a racist conspiracy theory which has been condemed by them in no uncertain terms, as I demonstrated above.

God almighty. I never said the UN believes the conspiracy theory, I said that the theory that mass immigration is a planned is in part based on the existence of that March 2000 UN report, which Renaud Camus, who is credited as the author of the great replacement theory, had certainly read when he wrote his book Le Grand Remplacement in 2011.

The UN literally explored the possibility that European countries take in large numbers of migrants to offset the falling birth rate, but of course anyone referring to that report, an actual real thing that the UN actually wrote, is labelled a conspiracy theorist. Here is an article about this very phenomenon: gript.ie/the-forgotten-un-report-on-replacement-migration/

But thank you for providing the opportunity yet again to throw some sunlight on the origins of the conspiracy theory and UN's exploration of Replacement Migration through its report of that name.

MiloMinderbinder925 · 27/08/2025 12:46

Phobiaphobic · 27/08/2025 10:27

I never said it was an endorsement. But the fact is that the United Nations published a paper in 2000 called Replacement Migration which examined how it might be achieved in countries with low birth rates. My point was given even the United Nations was discussing it, the great replacement theory was not pure conspiracy theory.

I can only imagine that this stems from a fundamental misunderstanding of what the GRT is.

There is absolutely no way that the UN believes that white Europeans are purposefully being replaced by non white people due to some kind of elitist collusion.

It's a racist conspiracy theory which has been condemed by them in no uncertain terms, as I demonstrated above.

RhaenysRocks · 27/08/2025 10:39

Phobiaphobic · 27/08/2025 10:27

I never said it was an endorsement. But the fact is that the United Nations published a paper in 2000 called Replacement Migration which examined how it might be achieved in countries with low birth rates. My point was given even the United Nations was discussing it, the great replacement theory was not pure conspiracy theory.

It absolutely is in the sense that it is being used by the tin foil brigade. Nuance is everything.

Phobiaphobic · 27/08/2025 10:27

MiloMinderbinder925 · 26/08/2025 10:17

UN Rights Chief Warns 'Great Replacement' Theory Inspiring Violence
By
AFP - Agence France Presse
March 04, 2024, 7:26 am EST

The pernicious "'great replacement' conspiracy theories" spreading in many countries are "delusional" and racist and are directly spurring violence, the United Nations rights chief warned on Monday.

United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights Volker Turk also took aim at the "war on woke", which he stressed was "really a war on inclusion".

Speaking before the UN Human Rights Council in Geneva, Turk insisted that racially mixed and multicultural societies were not something to fear but should be seen as a benefit to people everywhere.

"In many countries including in Europe and North America I am concerned by the apparently growing influence of so-called 'great replacement' conspiracy theories, based on the false notion that Jews, Muslims, non-white people and migrants seek to 'replace' or suppress countries' cultures and peoples," he said.

"These delusional and deeply racist ideas have directly influenced many perpetrators of violence."

That's not an endorsement.

I never said it was an endorsement. But the fact is that the United Nations published a paper in 2000 called Replacement Migration which examined how it might be achieved in countries with low birth rates. My point was given even the United Nations was discussing it, the great replacement theory was not pure conspiracy theory.

Solo · 27/08/2025 07:27

glassesandbeer · 24/08/2025 12:29

What on earth makes you think one can't be an atheist RE teacher? I have a masters in religion. We had openly atheist lecturers. Openly atheist students like myself.

It absolutely baffles me that people think religion is the one area of human life and experience that one cannot study unless you are an adherent. No one thinks you have to be a Nazi to study Nazi Germany. No one thinks you need to be Chinese to study China. No one thinks you need to be an integer to study maths.

So why this weird blind spot that you need to be religious to study religion?

Did I ask you? And did i say it wasn't possible?
I asked a simple question and was answered civilly. Stop seeing an issue where there isn't one.

MiloMinderbinder925 · 26/08/2025 10:17

Phobiaphobic · 26/08/2025 10:10

If you'd actually bothered to read through the thread instead of leaping in with the snark, you'd have seen the link to the report.

UN Rights Chief Warns 'Great Replacement' Theory Inspiring Violence
By
AFP - Agence France Presse
March 04, 2024, 7:26 am EST

The pernicious "'great replacement' conspiracy theories" spreading in many countries are "delusional" and racist and are directly spurring violence, the United Nations rights chief warned on Monday.

United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights Volker Turk also took aim at the "war on woke", which he stressed was "really a war on inclusion".

Speaking before the UN Human Rights Council in Geneva, Turk insisted that racially mixed and multicultural societies were not something to fear but should be seen as a benefit to people everywhere.

"In many countries including in Europe and North America I am concerned by the apparently growing influence of so-called 'great replacement' conspiracy theories, based on the false notion that Jews, Muslims, non-white people and migrants seek to 'replace' or suppress countries' cultures and peoples," he said.

"These delusional and deeply racist ideas have directly influenced many perpetrators of violence."

That's not an endorsement.

Phobiaphobic · 26/08/2025 10:10

MiloMinderbinder925 · 26/08/2025 10:02

The UN are giving credence to the Great Replacement theory?

If you'd actually bothered to read through the thread instead of leaping in with the snark, you'd have seen the link to the report.

MiloMinderbinder925 · 26/08/2025 10:02

Phobiaphobic · 26/08/2025 10:00

And my point is that it is one explored and endorsed by the United Nations itself.

The UN are giving credence to the Great Replacement theory?

Phobiaphobic · 26/08/2025 10:00

MiloMinderbinder925 · 26/08/2025 09:54

My point is that it's a far right conspiracy theory.

And my point is that it is one explored and endorsed by the United Nations itself.

Phobiaphobic · 26/08/2025 09:59

RhaenysRocks · 25/08/2025 23:07

Im saying that if you go back far enough, everyone has come from somewhere else. Celts, Romans, Saxons, Vikings, Anglo Saxons, Normans....usually taking a land by force eventually morphs into settlement and intermarriage over some generations. Where Invaders and "native" populations keep artificially separate, as in the Empire, that natural process of assimilation and integration fails. People shift around the globe all the time under the forces or war or economics. People are people and countries are lines on maps drawn by the ones with the biggest armies.

Yes, but do you understand that those movements coalesced into nation states? And that those nation states are now the foundation of how everything works in the modern world, and have firmly established distinct languages and identities over hundreds of years. Lots of things that happened in the past are no longer relevant today. We also no longer have feudalism, for instance, or rule by monarchy.

You seem to be advocating for open borders, which as every sane person knows is absolute lunacy.

MiloMinderbinder925 · 26/08/2025 09:54

Phobiaphobic · 26/08/2025 09:52

Yes, we were discussing how that related to the UN's Replacement Migration report. And whether that report existing negated the accusation of it being a conspiracy theory. You point?

My point is that it's a far right conspiracy theory.

Phobiaphobic · 26/08/2025 09:52

MiloMinderbinder925 · 25/08/2025 23:10

The Great Replacement theory. How nice.

Yes, we were discussing how that related to the UN's Replacement Migration report. And whether that report existing negated the accusation of it being a conspiracy theory. You point?

MiloMinderbinder925 · 25/08/2025 23:10

Phobiaphobic · 25/08/2025 10:17

Mass immigration is literally replacement by default, especially when the birth rate amongst migrant groups is significantly higher than amongst the native population. What do you think people on the right mean by replacement theory then?

The Great Replacement theory. How nice.

RhaenysRocks · 25/08/2025 23:07

Im saying that if you go back far enough, everyone has come from somewhere else. Celts, Romans, Saxons, Vikings, Anglo Saxons, Normans....usually taking a land by force eventually morphs into settlement and intermarriage over some generations. Where Invaders and "native" populations keep artificially separate, as in the Empire, that natural process of assimilation and integration fails. People shift around the globe all the time under the forces or war or economics. People are people and countries are lines on maps drawn by the ones with the biggest armies.

Phobiaphobic · 25/08/2025 22:41

RhaenysRocks · 25/08/2025 16:35

But it's not a Machievellian plot with sinister racial undertones, just a demographic shift in response to incredibly complex global factors. Being the OG occupiers of a land doesn't necessarily confer any more moral right to it than anyone else. It's just how populations evolve.

But it's not a spontaneous demographic shift given that European governments have effectively allowed it to happen. People aren't birds. They can't just migrate across borders unless they're allowed to, or even encouraged to.

As for moral right, are you honestly arguing that indigenous populations don't have a greater claim on a nation than any johnny-come-lately? If so, why is there so much fuss about colonialism? By that token, the Brits had as much right to be in India or Africa as the natives.

RhaenysRocks · 25/08/2025 16:35

Phobiaphobic · 25/08/2025 10:17

Mass immigration is literally replacement by default, especially when the birth rate amongst migrant groups is significantly higher than amongst the native population. What do you think people on the right mean by replacement theory then?

But it's not a Machievellian plot with sinister racial undertones, just a demographic shift in response to incredibly complex global factors. Being the OG occupiers of a land doesn't necessarily confer any more moral right to it than anyone else. It's just how populations evolve.

SingleSexSpacesInSchools · 25/08/2025 15:41

SingleSexSpacesInSchools · 25/08/2025 15:40

OP - I listened to this podcast and I very much thought of your situation:

https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/320-misguided-matthew-facciani/id521594713?i=1000722364721

"What is misinformation? How does it differ from disinformation or just plain ‘ole propaganda? How do we protect ourselves from people with nefarious intentions using all of these things to affect our thoughts, feelings, and behavior? That’s what we discuss in this episode with Matthew Facciani, social scientist and author of Misguided: Where Misinformation Starts, How it Spreads, and What We Can Do About It."

Do have a listen and see a lot of the death to this. It's not about really thinking the world might be flat.

In fact - everyone else on this thread could do with a good dose of reality and understanding humans are NOT rational actors and our identity and belonging is way way more important to us than the truth....

SingleSexSpacesInSchools · 25/08/2025 15:40

UnsureDifferences · 24/08/2025 01:29

Name change on this to protect myself and family.
So my DH has over the past few years got more and more what I would call extreme views. He is into conspiracy theories, it started off by watching a few videos and being curious and now he full thinks that the illuminati are out to enslave us and talks about the earth being flat, which he is not sure about but goes on about it.
He is also fearful of immigration and is saying he will go on the marches and that we are being take over and that we need to be prepared.
I am an easy going educated person who leans slightly left and believes in science.
This is really getting me down as I am not sure I can be with him anymore if this is who he is now.
Aibu to leave him for having these different views. Or is it managable to continue on.
One part of me thinks it is similar to two people of different faiths being married, is this possible? Has anyone had a good relationship with someone with opposite political or religious views to them?
Any ideas as to what to do here.
Everything else is fine in our relationship

OP - I listened to this podcast and I very much thought of your situation:

https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/320-misguided-matthew-facciani/id521594713?i=1000722364721

"What is misinformation? How does it differ from disinformation or just plain ‘ole propaganda? How do we protect ourselves from people with nefarious intentions using all of these things to affect our thoughts, feelings, and behavior? That’s what we discuss in this episode with Matthew Facciani, social scientist and author of Misguided: Where Misinformation Starts, How it Spreads, and What We Can Do About It."

Do have a listen and see a lot of the death to this. It's not about really thinking the world might be flat.

320 - Misguided - Matthew Facciani

320 - Misguided - Matthew Facciani

Podcast Episode · You Are Not So Smart · 18/08/2025 · 1h 9m

https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/320-misguided-matthew-facciani/id521594713?i=1000722364721

JollyUmberDeer · 25/08/2025 10:44

This thread hasn’t gone the way OP expected.

Phobiaphobic · 25/08/2025 10:19

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 24/08/2025 22:23

You come across as thoughtful and considered, @UnsureDifferences - and like you, I too would struggle as to why I would react viscerally to a conspiracy theory belief/beliefs but not to religious ones.

Several observations:

  1. I'm told by my sister - one of whose intelligent and successful in-laws has now become a conspiracy theorist - that when you go to the dark side, it tends not just to be just one conspiracy theory you subscribe to but a whole cluster;

  2. given that you're otherwise happy with the relationship - apart from this red flag elephant in the room - I would suggest relationship counselling rather than heading to LTB;

  3. I don't knowingly subscribe to any conspiracy theories. However, given some things that have happened in recent enough history I would have dismissed as wild conspiracy theories were it not acknowledged they were true and constituting some disgraceful episodes (eg US deliberately infecting black men with syphilis as part of a medical experiment; the fake polio vaccine programme in Pakistan as part of the efforts to flush out Bin Laden), I get how people can find conspiracy theories actually not that preposterous;

  4. there is a difference, I think, between meeting someone for the first time who has conspiracy theories and where you shy away from because of that fundamental mismatch. And someone you know quite well who then subscribes to a conspiracy theory where you can get over it. I am still close with an in-law who believes homeopathy is a real thing, outside a placebo effect, and still regard her as intelligent and credible, despite her belief in homeopathy. Ditto a friend who believes covid was a conspiracy of sorts;

  5. finally, there is a difference, I think, between subscribing to an 'extreme' conspiracy theory that is not inherently evil (eg flat earthers etc) and subscribing to an 'extreme view'. When you referenced 'extreme views' by your DH in your thread's heading, I was thinking like extreme racism or supporting the abolition of the age of consent. Which would be a LTB. So I have terminated a friendship with someone I've known for many years because I find their stated view that Israel should exterminate all Palestinians in Gaza (kill, not 'ethnically cleanse') so repugnant.

It doesn't sound like your DH is in the racist/Nazi/genocide camp - so I think the question may be whether you can sever his current flat earther tendencies from the man you love or whether your view of him is irrevocably changed and there's no going back

I remember the fun old days when terfs were routinely smeared as conspiracy theorists by trans activists.

Phobiaphobic · 25/08/2025 10:17

RhaenysRocks · 25/08/2025 07:32

That's your takeaway from the post? The pp you're replying to specifically negates the bit that is controversial "getting rid" of the native population but you still want to frame it as such? That's quite a good illustration of what conspiracy theorists do...thanks.

Mass immigration is literally replacement by default, especially when the birth rate amongst migrant groups is significantly higher than amongst the native population. What do you think people on the right mean by replacement theory then?

RhaenysRocks · 25/08/2025 07:32

Phobiaphobic · 24/08/2025 23:29

So replacement migration is not an outlandish conspiracy theory then. Glad we agree.

That's your takeaway from the post? The pp you're replying to specifically negates the bit that is controversial "getting rid" of the native population but you still want to frame it as such? That's quite a good illustration of what conspiracy theorists do...thanks.

Starling7 · 24/08/2025 23:33

Oh dear, yes this was the rabbit hole my last bf was going down when I dumped him. It's all the red pill videos on YouTube. So depressing

Phobiaphobic · 24/08/2025 23:29

Emptyandsad · 24/08/2025 11:52

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Oh my days! That is a research paper to discuss way of using immigration to support declining populations of indigenous people.

Most nations' socio-economic model relies on there being a minimum level of economically-active inhabitants to ensure that old people's pensions can be paid, that there is a big enough internal market to support the existence of manufacturing and trade. Some countries have declining populations and the UN is, quite responsibly, looking at what will happen if population numbers in a state become too small to sustain its existence. Japan, for example has had a declining population for some years now and people are worried about what the future will look like.

One solution would be to encourage a higher birth rate. Another would be to encourage immigration. Neither of these show any desire to 'get rid' of the indigenous population. On the contrary, they want to support it. The alternative would be moving the dwindling numbers out and leaving a vast wildlife park in its wake (which has its attractions!)

During covid I had a conversation with a woman who was an anti-vaxer. She told me, as she smoked a succession of roll-ups, that she didn't want to put anything in her body that wasn't sufficiently tested.

Never play chess with a pigeon

So replacement migration is not an outlandish conspiracy theory then. Glad we agree.

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