To ask what finally made you stop drinking as an alcoholic?

I stopped when the factors that were ruining mental health improved/stopped (went no contact with all
the in laws - & low and behold instant improvement.)

The three Cs of addiction love

you didn’t cause it.

you can’t control it

and you can’t cure it.

im sorry. I lost a brother to alcoholism. Nothing ever made him stop and he died a horrible death.

My mother was ab alcoholic abd caused so much damage it was unreal

a diagnosis of terminal cancer made her stop

She will only stop when SHE wants to - and that will be when her life totally hits rock bottom… she either does something so horrifying when drunk (as I did) that she’s on the cusp of losing everything she holds dear - or she’s told by a doctor that if she doesn’t stop drinking she’s going to die. Alcoholics are totally selfish people - they put their need for drink before anything and everyone else.

Sorry you are going through this.

Totally agree. DS only stopped when she reached rock bottom and nearly died but she still lapses. I have had to step away for the sake of my own health.

For my mother who was in her 70's at the time it was an accident & resulting lengthy stay in hospital. I can't forgive her, she has never apologised and barely acknowledges she had a problem.

I'm so sorry you are in this situation but there really is nothing that you can do. I coped with just leaving the situation as soon as she 'started'. Took a while but my family knew if I said right we are off that was an immediate bail from us. I wish I had cut contact to be honest.

@ChappelMoan I have something in common with many (maybe most) people, and now with you. There has always been a serious alcoholic in my life. One - usually more - of my close relatives or dearest family friends at any one time. I also ended up working with addiction, but that's another story. I wish you well. Perhaps that is where to focus. On you. There are support organisations for family and friends for good reason. Building up your own self-care, knowledge and support means you can better help. Some of what you say - begged, selfish, empathise - is one frame of reference. You might reframe this over time. Now to your specific question. Knowing those people and learning from my job made me determined to control alcohol, not it control me. I saw the signs in myself and the damage starting. I stopped drinking for a decade, and now use alcohol happily and under strict control. Those other people didn't make it. But in a few cases they hit rock bottom (divorce, homeless or prison), recovered and had months, even years, of sober happiness before relapsing. Even when you can't help them, you can help yourself.

My brother died an alcoholic, it was the drink that physically killed him, but the demons in his head and his mental health that made him drink. That’s what needs treating.

Im sorry you’re living with this, it’s a tough illness with a lot of judgement from people.

Do get help for yourself.

I've been there again and again for my sister who is an alcoholic. She will be sober for months then drink herself into an oblivion. I've pulled her out of all sorts of situations but the long and short of it is that she can only do it herself. I've had to disengage from her altogether because quite frankly I've had enough.

I'm so sorry, I think stopping can only come from within them though, there's nothing you can do and all the love in the world wouldn't change that, nor does it mean she doesn't love you enough to stop. It might feel like that though. My close friend died of alcoholism, it sounds crazy but I didn't even know she was an alcoholic, I never saw her drink. All I know is she loved her son more than anything, I don't know if he'll ever know how much she loved him. It seems a contradiction because of her actions but all I can say with my friend was that her own pain and abuse she suffered was too much and the drinking and illness disguised as a way to cope until it took everything. Once it has a grip it's so difficult to overcome. Support makes a difference but I think it's hard to come by, there are amazing charities but then a doctor might be less sympathetic in terms of health and liver function and then it spirals. I have no idea what doctors said to my friend, how she got so ill so quickly was shocking. I think therapy would be really important and you might need some space, whatever you need is the right thing. I hope your mum can make it because it must hurt you a lot and everyone deserves better than the destruction alcoholism brings