To ask what finally made you stop drinking as an alcoholic?

The best account of alcoholism I have ever read is in the novel Ordinary Human Failings. It’s the mental health issues that cause the drinking. But they are really hard to tackle and treat while in active addiction.

I have found Al Anon to be super helpful for coping with situations like this. There's nothing like talking with others who have dealt with the pain and frustration of trying to support a loved one who is sick with this disease.

So well put. I really don’t think anyone who hasn’t ‘got’ it every really gets it

For DH it was getting a diagnosis of ADHD and starting prescription medication. Until then, I don’t think I had any idea how common ADHD was in people with addiction.

I am so sorry about what you are going thru. Your mum needs to make the decision to stop for herself. My cousin's husband was an alcoholic. If anyone voiced concern about his drinking he would just drank even more.

For my relative, what stopped them was that they couldn't keep up with there personal hygiene to an acceptable standard anymore. However they were quite old when it got to this point. Cleanliness was an important motivator for them.

My mum was an alcoholic, she also had bipolar and OCD, with hindsight she was very clearly autistic too. She destroyed my childhood, along with my abusive stepdad. She actually stopped drinking in 2016, after a long stint in a psychiatric hospital for psychosis. I'm not sure why she stopped, it was a surprise for us and we were always on the lookout for signs of her starting to drink again but she didn't. Our relationship started to improve, especially after I had my daughter in 2019. Unfortunately she died suddenly in May of undiagnosed lung cancer, she was only 60.
I was also an alcoholic, I stopped drinking at the beginning of an IVF cycle for my daughter and haven't drank since. I know I can't stop when I start drinking, and I'm an unhappy and sometimes nasty drunk, just like my mum was, so I would never put my little girl through that. My job is to protect her, including from myself if needs be.
I'm sorry your life has been marred by alcoholism, I don't have any answers unfortunately. I often wonder why I could put my daughter before booze but my mum couldn't. Both of us have/had mental health problems, neurodiversity, shitty abusive childhoods, perhaps I've had more support than my mum did, perhaps talking about things is more encouraged so there's less bottling stuff up, and more acknowledgement of how our actions affect others?

@BlankBlankBlank14 thank you♥️

You should definitely go to Al Anon OP.

I think you are so brave and so wonderful, I hope life is better and continues to be for you. Well done.

Omg I hope she turns the corner soon ❤️

the good news is - turning the corner and unexpectedly good things happening CAN actually happen in this situation

I was an alcoholic after being trafficked and then homeless. Life had gone from normal to utterly horrific in the space of a few years (much older man who I had thought was my boyfriend, forced me into it) and I couldn't cope at all.

What stopped me was finding out I was pregnant. I've had maybe five drinks since in the last six years. Sometimes I'll think, Oh I'll have a drink, but then I don't, because I don't actually want it. I think I'm lucky though.

We always say any one of those things on their own would make people stop but to literally lose it all & still not think, maybe it’s time to stop. She’s currently facing homelessness at Xmas as the house is being repossessed. I think she’ll end up in temporary accommodation being housed with others with addiction issue & will still not be at rock bottom

I accepted that basically life wasn’t going to change unless I changed it. I could go on drinking the huge amounts I was drinking every day forever and probably die much earlier than I should have. Or I could stop and see if that was less miserable. It had nothing to do with anything anyone else did or said. It was purely that I decided it was worth taking the risk to see if sobriety was less shitty than drinking 3 bottles of wine every day. (It is.) I drank heavily for 20 years and now sober for 2.5.

That said, the times other people did talk to me about my drinking, what helped was when people told me how much they loved me and how much they wanted me to be better. Alcoholism is born out of shame. No one needs to shame and judge an alcoholic, they do it all themselves. So any conversation that leads with how bad and terrible they are and how much damage they’ve caused will only add fuel to the fire to keep drinking.

If you want to have a conversation about it, I would come at it from a place of love and not judgement or begging or dumping all your hurt about it on them. There is a time and a place for those conversations, but it won’t help someone get sober.

You could be describing my mum here

Nothing at all seems to stop my DP’s ex. Not losing her marriage, her career, her children, her drivers licence, her house, her dog, her health , literally nothing. I have no idea where her rock bottom is, i think it’s death tbh, there’s nothing that will snap her out of it ever.

Its a horrid thing, something I wouldn't wish on anyone. I have no idea what was the magic moment. It was certainly a buildup and I absolutely wanted to stop. My family were suffering, I was miserable and could only physically live by drinking, went to rehab a handful of times, tried all the societies, literature, therapy, counselling, online groups etc etc etc. Suddenly, alcohol was pointless. That was that and I haven't drunk for 4 years. Alcohol has to be pointless. She needs to see that it's evil for us, alcoholics, that it is literally poison. That's the key for me, it's an evil poison but also something that I honestly don't need. What's the point? Hangovers are god awful, it's miserable and lonely. But she will only be able to try to quit if she wants to, you cannot force it.
I hate it when people say we're selfish. We're not, the change to our brains is.

I was a heavy drinker and social smoker. 3 visits to the hypnotherapist and I haven't even thought about drinking or smoking for 5 years. But it'll only work if she honestly wants to give up.

I stopped when someone I loved dearly, died. He was an alcoholic. I was alcohol dependent, but never to the extent he was. His death was horrific, as was his sister’s. His other sister (my mum) was also alcohol dependent, and died of a brain aneurysm, probably weakened by alcohol misuse.

There is deep trauma in that side of the family, but I refuse to let it take me too.

Omg congrats on giving it up !! 🎉

Most alcohol addiction has untreated trauma at its roots. I don't think it helps to label people "alcoholics" it's stigmatising.

The underlying mental health/trauma needs addressing ultimately.

As a bystander it can be overwhelming and too much to take on. You are allowed to walk away if you need to in order to protect your own wellbeing.

Bryony Gordon writes great books on her experience with alcoholism. It helps to understand it. (She did recover ) It's nice to help you see the person first instead of just a selfish "alcoholic"

I am so sorry you are going through this. Just over a year ago, my daughters could have written this, I fear.

What made me stop? It was a combination of things. One thing I'd never done was lie about my drinking, or drink in secret, and I'd started to do that. My family were increasingly impatient and intolerant of my drinking, and vocal about my behaviour when I was drinking, about how I was slurring my words, and my bad wine breath. More and more, I was left alone, just me and my wine, on the couch, until I eventually woke after having coma'ed out, in the dark, the cold, to stumble off to bed. I was hiding a bottle of wine in my wardrobe, going up and drinking that, and sneaking the empty out when everyone was out. Telling myself that everyone was being mean and intolerant, and I was actually being 'considerate', because if my drinking disturbed them so much, then I'd drink in private in my room.

One day, I wrote down what I was going to drink that night. And man did I blitz past that allowance. (Poured a shitload of red wine over the sofa, too.) I went through the wine, looked for what else, found the Pedro Ximenez sherry for the Christmas trifle, and drank that? You ever drunk that shit straight? Revolting!!

Next morning, before I could think about what I was committing myself to,I went to DH, bawled my eyes out, and told him my tale of woe. My BIL had been in recovery for a few years, and we rang him, and talked to him. I haven't drunk alcohol since. Not so much as a sherry trifle!

OP you may like to read some of the posts under Alcohol Support in the Health section of Talk

Lots of people in the same or similar position as you x

For many people 'rock bottom' doesn't make them stop, because for someone addicted, the alcohol isn't the problem, it's their only way of coping. To us its the problem, to them it's the solution.
I'm sorry OP it's tough. I've lost three family members to alcohol or drugs and it's really hard to see it.