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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to invade England and claim the throne?

94 replies

GuillameDucdeNormandie · 23/08/2025 22:44

I’ve been a lurker for a while and hoping I can benefit from your wise advice.

I’ve been Duke of Normandy for a while now but like any early medieval noble, I’m keen to progress. I’ve had my eye on the English crown for while now. I’m distantly related to Edward the Confessor and he’s got no heir, so it seemed like a perfect fit, yeah?

Anyway, I dropped lucky 10 or so years ago when Edward agreed to back me as his heir. His brother in law, Harold, also swore allegiance to my claim.

Roll forward and Edward has just died; imagine my shock to hear Harold has claimed the throne, the duplicitous shit!

So, in these circumstances, AIBU to launch a full scale invasion of England? Or should I just suck it up?

OP posts:
LidlAmaretto · 24/08/2025 10:23

Brahumbug · 24/08/2025 10:18

Careful with those arrows, you'll have someone's eye out!

😄

Brahumbug · 24/08/2025 10:18

Careful with those arrows, you'll have someone's eye out!

LlynTegid · 24/08/2025 10:17

Make sure your Latin is up to scratch, if you are successful you will need it for your coronation.

Marmaladelover · 24/08/2025 10:15

Notmyreality · 24/08/2025 09:51

Bear in mind it’s school holidays and the ferrys and chunnel might be busy. Best book early.

Or leave it till October? I have heard Halley’s comet might appear then, it might be a good omen for your men ?

OooPourUsACupLove · 24/08/2025 10:15

LTB Launch The Boats

Marmaladelover · 24/08/2025 10:13

Oh another thing! I don't want to teach Granny to suck eggs and all that but I have seen those Saxons fight before! In my opinion , they are a disorganised rabble!

Maybe have a few tricks up your sleeve to exploit that ?

Notmyreality · 24/08/2025 09:51

Bear in mind it’s school holidays and the ferrys and chunnel might be busy. Best book early.

Fangisnotacoward · 24/08/2025 09:47

Just be careful when you land on the south coast, its quite slippy and you may fall over and look like an idiot.

Perhaps have a clever retort or something ready about easily grabbing the land.

Livelovebehappy · 24/08/2025 09:42

It’s a free for all out there atm……go for it.

Marmaladelover · 24/08/2025 09:27

Dont forget to bring your birth certificate over showing who you father is. Otherwise the English might call you William the Bastard for the rest of your life.

I am sure you would rather they called you “the conquerer” instead , so maybe try and influence any —propaganda— story books , especially ones with a tiny ladybird on the front cover.

LidlAmaretto · 24/08/2025 09:13

GuillameDucdeNormandie · 23/08/2025 22:44

I’ve been a lurker for a while and hoping I can benefit from your wise advice.

I’ve been Duke of Normandy for a while now but like any early medieval noble, I’m keen to progress. I’ve had my eye on the English crown for while now. I’m distantly related to Edward the Confessor and he’s got no heir, so it seemed like a perfect fit, yeah?

Anyway, I dropped lucky 10 or so years ago when Edward agreed to back me as his heir. His brother in law, Harold, also swore allegiance to my claim.

Roll forward and Edward has just died; imagine my shock to hear Harold has claimed the throne, the duplicitous shit!

So, in these circumstances, AIBU to launch a full scale invasion of England? Or should I just suck it up?

Go for it! You have everything to win and nothing to lose! Also make sure you have some compliant women to record it all. Don't bother with Facebook. Easily deleted. Maybe try a nice long embroidery?
Edited because other people have come up with the v idea first. Shows what a good one it is though!

Sourisblanche · 24/08/2025 09:10

BetweenTwoFerns · 24/08/2025 08:05

Come on! Nobody is going to want to look at a super long tapestry about a battle!

Show quote history

I’ve heard the Brits aren’t very good at languages so some picture depictions of history maybe requiredWink

Sourisblanche · 24/08/2025 09:10

BetweenTwoFerns · 24/08/2025 08:05

Come on! Nobody is going to want to look at a super long tapestry about a battle!

Show quote history

I’ve heard the Brits aren’t very good at languages so some picture depictions of history maybe requiredWink

JennyForeigner · 24/08/2025 08:53

Is Harold the poster who writes about his other neighbours being Vikings? If so, YANBU. Get in there while he is distracted.

redfishcat · 24/08/2025 08:32

Any thoughts as to what exactly you would be getting if you did manage to become King ?
I mean, maybe you need a complete record of the Kingdom ?
You would need a really big Book to keep all the information in

Dontcallmescarface · 24/08/2025 08:28

I've got a field just outside Hastings I could let you borrow if it comes to a fight.

BetweenTwoFerns · 24/08/2025 08:05

Sourisblanche · 24/08/2025 00:55

Ah I see Merryoldgoat got there first! Well we could make it an extra long one if there are a few of us working on it!

Come on! Nobody is going to want to look at a super long tapestry about a battle!

Dolamroth · 24/08/2025 08:00

KaitlynFairchild · 24/08/2025 00:47

Don't be fooled by the literacy of the clergy and that fantastic gold-and-garnet jewellery; England is a unfashionable dump and becoming king of the place is not going to impress anyone. Try your luck with the French throne instead: better wine, better food, better climate.

But it does have an attractively efficient taxation system and excellent records that promise a substantial income to whoever is lucky enough to come out on top! That's the prize here!

slightlyunimpressed · 24/08/2025 07:24

If you do decide to invade and you win, you may want to think about your diet a bit as King. Getting so grotesquely fat you explode out of your own coffin is never a good look.

Confusedmeanderings · 24/08/2025 01:20

I hear Harold has gone on a long distance hike up north somewhere, Stamford Bridge I believe. So now might be a good time to nip over the channel.

XWKD · 24/08/2025 01:17

I'd be more included to become Pope. You'd get much better stuff.

InterestedDad37 · 24/08/2025 01:12

Aye, fillez-vous les boots 😀

outerspacepotato · 24/08/2025 01:05

Applying for first trebuchet launcher position!

I realize I'm a bit early, but I'm really looking forward to flinging things about.

Sourisblanche · 24/08/2025 00:55

Ah I see Merryoldgoat got there first! Well we could make it an extra long one if there are a few of us working on it!

Sourisblanche · 24/08/2025 00:53

If you’re successful I’ll embroider a tapestry about it for you. I’m in need of a new sewing project now the nights are drawing in.