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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to invade England and claim the throne?

94 replies

GuillameDucdeNormandie · 23/08/2025 22:44

I’ve been a lurker for a while and hoping I can benefit from your wise advice.

I’ve been Duke of Normandy for a while now but like any early medieval noble, I’m keen to progress. I’ve had my eye on the English crown for while now. I’m distantly related to Edward the Confessor and he’s got no heir, so it seemed like a perfect fit, yeah?

Anyway, I dropped lucky 10 or so years ago when Edward agreed to back me as his heir. His brother in law, Harold, also swore allegiance to my claim.

Roll forward and Edward has just died; imagine my shock to hear Harold has claimed the throne, the duplicitous shit!

So, in these circumstances, AIBU to launch a full scale invasion of England? Or should I just suck it up?

OP posts:
Limehawkmoth · 24/08/2025 13:29

SadTimesInFife · 24/08/2025 11:32

No, fuck off Donald; we know it's you.
Go invade Canada.

🤣🤣

drspouse · 24/08/2025 13:14

Honestly, it seems like a bit of an unfair fight with those stirrups. I'm sure the International Criminal Court will have something to say.

sashh · 24/08/2025 12:40

I know you hate being, 'William the bastard', do you think invading another country would give you a different title?

dynamiccactus · 24/08/2025 11:50

Tell your descendants not to invade Ireland. It caused all sorts of trouble.

BasiliskStare · 24/08/2025 11:47

Oh where is the laughing emoji when you need it - such a funny thread ( said she who studied Anglo Saxon at University many decades ago. ) 😂and 👏one and all. 💐

I think it is a credit to our nation that in these modern times we don't have a spread-eagling emoticon. Oh - that was the Vikings isn't it - or indeed not according to some historians.

CurlewKate · 24/08/2025 11:45

A reverse, surely?

SadTimesInFife · 24/08/2025 11:32

No, fuck off Donald; we know it's you.
Go invade Canada.

DarkYearForMySoul · 24/08/2025 11:28

Yeah, but is it really worth invading? The nobels are so secretive no idea what’s where. You may need to do some sort of survey to see who owns what and where.

Luckyingame · 24/08/2025 11:24

Honestly, I don't think it would be worth your while.

ConstitutionHill · 24/08/2025 11:13

BasiliskStare · 23/08/2025 22:59

YANBU Give it a go . What do you have to lose? Of course you may have to go NC with Harold afterwards if either of you survive. Also I would start looking up embroiderers as you may want a record of the event.

YABU for saying "yeah" Surely if you emerge triumphant you would wish to add to our language not diminish it.

Priceless 😂😂

Merryoldgoat · 24/08/2025 11:12

Autumn38 · 24/08/2025 10:41

How do you feel about celibacy though?

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Sounds like my love life.

HarlotOTara · 24/08/2025 11:11

Where are you sailing from? Far too many places in Normandy would like to have that honour.
Leave the Welsh alone

Merryoldgoat · 24/08/2025 11:10

BetweenTwoFerns · 24/08/2025 08:05

Come on! Nobody is going to want to look at a super long tapestry about a battle!

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The endeavour will be its own reward.

Marmaladelover · 24/08/2025 10:59

Don't forget to pack your own castle, they haven't been invented here yet!

Blodwynne · 24/08/2025 10:59

LTB

NeustrianPeasant · 24/08/2025 10:55

Your Viking family and hangers-on come over here and steal our land and corrupt our delightful language. Mostly your great-great-great grandad wanker named after a frustrum-shaped chocolate sweet but whose parents couldn’t spell. Pathetic.

And now you want a piece of the action over the water? I hope the weirdos over there give you a right spanking.

Els1e · 24/08/2025 10:52

Are you sure you want the throne? Doesn't look very comfy.

backslashruby · 24/08/2025 10:51

Well I wouldn't trust anyone called Harold. Before you know it he'll be shortening his name to Harry and spilling all your family secrets.

LidlAmaretto · 24/08/2025 10:48

Autumn38 · 24/08/2025 10:41

How do you feel about celibacy though?

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Ooh I quite fancy a bit of celibacy, do some sewing instead. I have a Textiles GCSE grade A but I'm a bit rusty. I reckon I could do a nice line in arrows and penises though with a bit of practice and some solitude.
Sorry Will, do the invading first. I'll get some folk to distract Harold round the back...

randomchap · 24/08/2025 10:42

Now listen here William the Bastard, and I know you'll be wanting to nail my ears to a door for this, you're not welcome. You're just going to destroy the north of England leaving it a wasteland in some areas.

And your over ambitious plan to record everything in a doomsday book, we all know you'll get bored and the details in the first part will not be replicated across the whole thing rendering some of it useless

Autumn38 · 24/08/2025 10:41

Merryoldgoat · 24/08/2025 00:42

This sounds really exciting and I feel like we should record your campaign for posterity. I’m new to needlework but I’ve got a few ideas…

How do you feel about celibacy though?

CaptainMyCaptain · 24/08/2025 10:38

TooOldTo · 23/08/2025 23:41

Just make sure you ask to see samples of the embroiderers’ work first. Wouldn’t want to end up with some smutty minded oiks who put nudey pics round the borders.

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🤣

Uricon2 · 24/08/2025 10:37

I'd see how that Hardrada bloke does first, TBH.

sparkleghost · 24/08/2025 10:35

I wouldn’t mate, England is a bit of a shithole.

Laiste · 24/08/2025 10:29

If you're coming over in smallish boats, mind you don't all just get marched into a detention welcome centre.