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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think DP shouldn’t have taken the DC out this morning?

37 replies

Rainallnight · 23/08/2025 21:46

I’m feeling really cross about this but I’m generally a bit moody this week so keen for opinions.

DP and her sister were going to a festival this afternoon. I booked to take the kids to an event in central London, which I’d wanted to take them to for ages.

DP offered to take the DC this morning so I could have my nails done before she went to the festival.

Here’s the key thing - DD is autistic and can only cope with one outing a day. We know this and have learned over time (the hard way!) that she needs downtime.

So during DP’s time with the DC, she took them out on a long walk and for brunch so handed me over two kids who were exhausted and full of pancakes to take into central London.

The trip was really hard going. We were late because DD had a meltdown when it was time to go, and then the rest of the trip was just hard work because of her behaviour, and fighting between her and her brother.

I’m furious DP put me in that position. And she’ll be very put out if I say it to her - her general reaction is to be quite defensive if I’m critical of anything.

AIBU?

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 23/08/2025 22:14

If your DP was aware of your plans and is aware that DC can only cope with one thing each day then YANBU and she should have stayed home with them this morning.

I'm sorry that your afternoon wasn't what you'd hoped. It's always a shame when you plan something and it falls apart.

Happyelephants · 23/08/2025 22:10

Are they her kids too?

If they're shared kids, then she's BU, but if she thought she was doing you a favour, and took them to the park or whatever, then she may not have realised how rigid your DD is.

You need to talk to her about how you manage your daughter's issues. Treat it as a problem to solve together, rather than blaming her for over stimulating your DD, and she may be less defensive.

You need to talk to your kids too about fighing and bickering, siblings don't have to fight all the time.

Coffeeishot · 23/08/2025 22:05

Why didn't you say oh it is probably better if they stay at home so dd is ready for the "thing" did you not listen to what your partner said ?

InBedBy10 · 23/08/2025 22:02

YABU

I have an autistic son and this is just the way it is. Some days are OK and some aren't. That's not your partner's fault. If you think you can control their meltdowns your fooling yourself. There will be times when even if you do everything right, they will still have a meltdown.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 23/08/2025 21:59

She knew you were taking them out and knew they could only cope with one outing per day so she is BU. Seems very straightforward to me. She's not doing some massive favour looking after the dc which allows her license to ruin your outing.

verycloakanddaggers · 23/08/2025 21:56

YANBU if it's normal to stick to one thing per day. I guess you could have checked before it happened.

she’ll be very put out if I say it to her - her general reaction is to be quite defensive if I’m critical of anything this sounds like a possible problem...

Original poster
Rainallnight · 23/08/2025 21:53

AintNoPunshineWhenShesGone · 23/08/2025 21:51

DP offered to take the DC this morning so I could have my nails done before she went to the festival.

Offered to take them where?

Take them, as in look after them so I could go out.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rainallnight · 23/08/2025 21:53

Silverbirchleaf · 23/08/2025 21:50

So if you know dc gets over tired, why did you agree for her to go out this morning?

I didn’t.

OP posts:
AintNoPunshineWhenShesGone · 23/08/2025 21:51

DP offered to take the DC this morning so I could have my nails done before she went to the festival.

Offered to take them where?

Silverbirchleaf · 23/08/2025 21:50

So if you know dc gets over tired, why did you agree for her to go out this morning?

PamIsAVolleyballChamp · 23/08/2025 21:49

So you were off pampering, but wanted to control what your dp did with dc while you weren't there?
What would you deem acceptable?

QuickFawn · 23/08/2025 21:48

Did you not speak to each other about what the plans were for today?
seems odd they would take dc out knowing it would cause an issue for you later in the day

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