Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is more in the wrong? DS or DD

86 replies

ML5 · 23/08/2025 19:45

DS24 & DD21 generally get on however past 4 weeks there’s been a big debate between them both to the point where DH & me had to step in. Basically each have been accusing the other of being rude & disrespectful towards each other, shouting between them both, nasty text messages & DD threatening to block DD as well on all social media. We have spoken to DD & to DD today and both have agreed to move on even though they have agreed to disagree. DH thinks DS was more in the wrong as he has been winding up DD21 and retaliating against her when she’s had enough & also said to her he don’t want to speak to her ever again but I think DD was more in the wrong as she’s been more rude & disrespectful & getting in his way more and sent DS nasty text messages saying she’s going to go No Contact with him in the future 😩😩😩
Prepared for a mix of opinions here (both pay rent before anyone asks) but was just wondering who was being more unreasonable between both of them.

OP posts:
Owly11 · 23/08/2025 20:45

How can we possibly decide - you haven’t said what they did or what they were arguing about. And why are you and dh trying to decide who is most at fault? Is this post written by ds or dd?

Original poster
ML5 · 23/08/2025 20:42

KilkennyCats · 23/08/2025 20:40

It makes no sense, op.

Yes which is exactly what me and DH have said and we still don’t get why it escalated with such animosity between them both to the point where we had to intervene

OP posts:
CherrieTomaties · 23/08/2025 20:42

ML5 · 23/08/2025 20:08

DD works from home and as DS was off few days annual leave from his work being stressed out about his car DD was getting more frustrated at him as she was saying he was taking it out on her

They both need to grow the fuck up. They sound like complete losers.

If they want to argue and make the atmosphere at home awful then tell them to pack their bags and leave.

If they want to still live at home then tell them they need to start behaving like adults.

KilkennyCats · 23/08/2025 20:40

It makes no sense, op.

Original poster
ML5 · 23/08/2025 20:38

KilkennyCats · 23/08/2025 20:36

What??

Show quote history

This is how the whole thing started

OP posts:
KilkennyCats · 23/08/2025 20:36

ML5 · 23/08/2025 19:56

Basically DS had to give up his car as he couldn’t afford the payments on it which then made him stressed out & frustrated about the situation. DD who although was working from home was being more than frustrated around him which then escalated.

What??

Hummusanddipdip · 23/08/2025 20:35

Sounds similar to me and db before he went to uni and I moved out. Constantly sniping, being horrible to eachother. We had outgrown being at home and were both well and truly ready to just get out and on with it. 14/15 years later and we're a lot closer than we were growing up.
So have heart it may improve over time.

tripleginandtonic · 23/08/2025 20:35

They need to start living away from home.

Delphiniumandlupins · 23/08/2025 20:31

Doesn't really matter who started it or who was most unreasonable. They've been sending each other nasty messages when they live in the same house! Let them both block each other then at least they'll have to squabble face-to-face. You and your DH should step right back, don't pass messages for them and don't get drawn into who is most to blame. Utterly ridiculous of them both.

JamesWebbSpaceTelescope · 23/08/2025 20:28

As my gran used to say 6 of one and half a dozen of the other.

AbzMoz · 23/08/2025 20:25

My goodness - do they need you to chop up their dinners and remind them to make their beds?! How would they behave (or cope) in a house share?

I think regardless of who started it, it’s not healthy for them to have this approach towards conflict.

verycloakanddaggers · 23/08/2025 20:20

They are both escalating.

There must be more going on here.

WallaceinAnderland · 23/08/2025 20:18

From what you've said, it sounds like he caused the initial problems and then they both got into it. Don't take sides.

Original poster
ML5 · 23/08/2025 20:13

Rasell · 23/08/2025 20:11

How can anyone on here answer that?! We don't know what prompted any of those comments. It sounds like they're as bad as each other and need to work through their relationship without your involvement, so they come to a genuine middle ground. My kids are much younger than them so I might be wrong, but at that age shouldn't they be able to work things out between them? It must be hard but surely they love each other and can work through it, and choosing who is the worst won't help?

We did let them try to work things out but when it escalated the house had a bad atmosphere so we couldn’t sit back

OP posts:
Original poster
ML5 · 23/08/2025 20:12

WallaceinAnderland · 23/08/2025 20:09

Yes, but what was he doing to her?

Idk I work and this was happening while I was at work - according to DD, DS was being rude towards her & according to DS, DD was being rude to him
We didn’t get involved at start but because it escalated to the nasty messages, DD blocking and threatening DS she will go No Contact with him and DS saying he won’t ever speak to her again cos of her manners we felt we had to say something

OP posts:
SquirrelRed · 23/08/2025 20:12

Does it really matter who is more at fault? It just sounds like siblings bickering and winding each other up to me. They are adults so just leave them to get on with it or tell them to stay out of each other's way

Rasell · 23/08/2025 20:11

How can anyone on here answer that?! We don't know what prompted any of those comments. It sounds like they're as bad as each other and need to work through their relationship without your involvement, so they come to a genuine middle ground. My kids are much younger than them so I might be wrong, but at that age shouldn't they be able to work things out between them? It must be hard but surely they love each other and can work through it, and choosing who is the worst won't help?

WallaceinAnderland · 23/08/2025 20:09

Yes, but what was he doing to her?

missrabbit1990 · 23/08/2025 20:09

YABU to ask because you shouldn’t be getting involved

Original poster
ML5 · 23/08/2025 20:08

DD works from home and as DS was off few days annual leave from his work being stressed out about his car DD was getting more frustrated at him as she was saying he was taking it out on her

OP posts:
WallaceinAnderland · 23/08/2025 20:07

DD said as DS was frustrated he was taking it out on her

What was he doing to her?

Original poster
ML5 · 23/08/2025 20:06

steff13 · 23/08/2025 20:05

I don't understand what "being more than frustrated around him" means.

I mean he was stressed out and frustrated and she was bugging him then it sounds like she was the one at fault.

DD said as DS was frustrated he was taking it out on her

OP posts:
youalright · 23/08/2025 20:06

Its not funny but it made me laugh its so typical dad sticks up for princess and mum sticks up for her little prince. They just need their heads banging together and to get over it

WallaceinAnderland · 23/08/2025 20:05

DD who although was working from home was being more than frustrated around him which then escalated.

What does this mean?

steff13 · 23/08/2025 20:05

I don't understand what "being more than frustrated around him" means.

I mean he was stressed out and frustrated and she was bugging him then it sounds like she was the one at fault.

Swipe left for the next trending thread