To not want to live to an old age

Me, too.

I understand OP. But at 60, I am responsible for being active and looking after my health. The more you do, the more you are able to do. I am very proactive about seeking help for any health issues that arise too, and they do.

BUT, should my mind start to go (as is prevalent in the women of my family), I’m outta here. I don’t want my kids to go through that.

You’re looking at retirement villages while you’re in your 30s?! Isn’t that kind of pointless? Those same retirement villages might not even exist/be completely different places in 30 or 40 years time! Yes it’s sensible to have a rough plan maybe, especially financially, but don’t waste the rest of your youth and middle age worrying about what old age is going to look like, that seems like such a waste of a life!

My parents died relatively young, one IL died of dementia last year and the other is in a care home with Parkinson’s (with his assets just about to hit the £23K threshold).
Given the choice I’d rather die younger. Degenerative neurological conditions are horrendous for all concerned. Of course I’m very sad my parents didn’t live to old age but I am not sad they (and their family) were spared years of needing care, confusion, loss of dignity etc.

You really don't know till you get there, and I'm pretty sure assisted dying will be available by the time you get old, if you want to go that route.

I don’t cope at all well with pain of any sort.
I’ve seen the “old age” wards in hospital with my 98yr old relative, and it’s not what I want for me! Will be refusing any extraordinary measures for myself.
I’m mid 40’s, slim-ish, fit-ish, eat relatively well and don’t drink much but whether you get old, despite doing all the right things is a lottery so not much point worrying about it!

But how are you going to get 'out of here?' Dignitas?

Sorry, I am not trying to be argumentative or anything in asking. I am just genuinely interested in how people who state this think they would actually make it happen. It seems like it would require an enormous amount of bravery! And also, do you think your children would be OK with your choice?

YABU for saying that your inability to lose weight is caused by the fact you are in your forties. Plenty of middle age women are able to lose weight by being disciplined and thorough in their habits. So stop looking for excuses.

I’m with the OP, having seen my DPs, in-laws and others age I don’t really want it for myself. I do want to live healthily for as long as possible, want to live long enough for my DC to get established in their own, independent adult lives and as I enjoy work, to continue working as long as I’m able to contribute effectively. I’m late 50s and in good overall health though I have stiff joints too and painful feet. It’s not fun and makes exercise more difficult, GP is of no use but I am happy to swim to keep fit. DCs are late teens and early 20s so need a few more years to get established. Fortunately my employer doesn’t give signs of being ageist so I can continue to use my salary to help the kids. At the moment life is fun, but if that stops, then I think I’ll be out of here.

Jesus just back off, what are you getting out of all your replies
You sound like you just want to win a fucking game

@cardibach yes of course that's true

I think whether a person’s life is worth living is up to them to decide.

People often comment on an elderly person's quality of life in little glimpses. Like saying - 'she was at a wedding 2 months ago, she saw her great grandchildren born ' etc. Of course they are joyous moments, but if someone is living in pain and discomfort 24/7 I don't think a family occasion once or twice a year is a fair trade off. It certainly doesn't make the point that their life is worth living.

I disagree entirely.

Prepare for old age so that you are as fit as possible and as able as possible to enjoy it.

Looking after my very elderly parents is breaking me, just as my youngest is becoming independent. Instead of discovering being a couple again, dh and I are now transferring our caring responsibilities from our dc to our parents. No resentment at this. We love and care for our parents. But it's draining.

I agree with the poster who Asias that Covid will have a knock-on effect on people's old age. I can feel it in myself - I feel that Covid aged me very rapidly.

I see the difference between my parents: one mentally and physically prepared for old age, the other never wanted to address it. Wanted to pretend it would never happen, live in the moment because the future (ild age and death) was too scary to contemplate.

I don't mind being a caring burden on my children, as long as I can be happy, engaged, and give them a sense that their care is rewarded by me enjoying life and being able to contribute to their happiness. I do not want to be the person whose life is constantly fought for, without her having any happiness or understanding.

I know it's easier said than done. Don't try to look into the future. Enjoy your life and everything you have and all the people you have around you.

Healthy life expectancy is in part self assessed through ONS surveys like the labour force survey. How would you say your health is in general very good, good, fair, poor, very poor. Do you any physical or mental health conditions lasting or expected to last 12 months or more, if so do these effect your ability to carry out every day activities type questions.

Poverty has a massive effect though. In greater Govan in Glasgow life expectancy was under 65 in 2021 it was 83 a few miles up the road somewhere a bit nice. I suppose my point is if you’re from somewhere a bit nice then perhaps your average 70 yo is still fit and well. If you’re from somewhere deprived probably not. It does influence your opinion on what your future will look like, Possibly it’s a bit self fulfilling as if you expect to die younger you have less incentive to prepare for the future. I know someone who opted out of a generous public sector pension as a 29 year old. Honestly he was gutted to get to retirement age, felt like he’d gambled and lost. Still working as a bin lorry driver at 71 as he can’t afford to retire.

My cat had dementia- I had her put to sleep
My dog had advanced cancer- I had him put to sleep

My mother has no quality of life - doubly incontinent , non verbal, has no idea who anyone is and more importantly did not want to live like this - I pay £1650 a week to keep her housed in a safe space.

We value the quality of life of human below pets in the UK.

I think that you should all go and spend 3 hours in a dementia care home
Something I do each week (its an amazing home- we visited many)
You will not want to stay alive with dementia

Once you have seen elderly parents go through the process of ill health and slow death it does make the prospect of old age sharper.
My mother was as fit as a flea and very active until 80 then a dreadful, miserable two years of illness until she died. She had me at 22 so that's not so far ahead for me.
So many smug comments from posters about keeping slim and fit. Those things don't stop you getting cancer or autoimmune disease which I developed after 60 despite being slim and fit.

I was thinking this today oddly enough. I want to live as long as live is worth living.

I know people will have their own definitions of what that means. But for me, I want to be able to look after myself well enough, still make and drink a cup of tea. Know who I am, know who my children and family are.

I never want to live to a point where someone is feeding me because im incapable, or dont recognise my spouse of children.

I want quality not quantity.

That seems awfully low, even allowing for the effects of poverty. Averages aren't much help with age though, being skewed by a whole load of factors.
I’d also wonder what ‘healthy’ meant. Without any need for drugs, I can believe it. Unhealthy meaning unable to enjoy life, less so.

I definitely do not
Grandmother diagnosed with dementia and spent 5 years in a care home before dying
Mother diagnosed with dementia and currently 84, she said she had a living will but didnt. Always said to smother her if she got like her mother

I have pack made up in all of my homes with enough in each to kill me with instructions as to how to do it. Very simple and listing how do to it if I get a dementia diagnosis (I am 60)

On 75th birthday if no dementia diagnosis I shall give away all of my assets.

I’ve said it before on here, but one thing you can do is to dd a paragraph to your health and welfare power of attorney, to say in which circs. you absolutely do NOT want any ‘striving to keep alive’, I.e. any life-saving or life-prolonging treatment.

A DNR covers only resus after the heart as stopped, so much more is needed, if you don’t want to end up with e.g. dementia, and be kept going with medication and drips - just because it’s now possible to do so.

And you'll be a superb organ donor helping several other people live longer lives 😁.

In Scotland the average healthy female life expectancy is 60. The asversge life expectancy for a woman is 80.8 years. Obviously some people buck the trend but on average people have long period of poor health at the end of their lives. Partly this is to do with money, traditionally people with professional roles live longer,by about 8 years, and are healthier than their unskilled manual labour counterparts. I suspect if everyone you know is going well at 70 then you are possibly a bit better off. Certainly in some rough spots you’d probably be doing well to get to pension age. I do think raising the pension age disproportionately affects poorer workers,