To not want to live to an old age

I’m so sorry to read this @2sidesofcoinsand understand how painful it would have been for your dad to battle the prostate cancer, and how awful for you and family to witness. It all seems so unfair.

I didn’t know about the advanced directive re antibiotics so will look into that, thank you.

We had as happy an experience of losing a parent as is possible IMO. DM laid down to sleep one night at 89 and didn't wake in the morning. But she was pretty much well, bar aches, and compos mentis to the end.

grandkids?

Sorry, the author is Lionel Shriver!

If you like her work, I’d recommend reading ‘Should we stay or should we go?’, in which the protagonists, feeling very much like you do, make a joint suicide pact. The rest of the book explores a number of different scenarios where one or both of them doesn’t go through with it. Some are happy endings, some horrific, all different. It’s definitely thought provoking!

That's the best thing to do - no one is guaranteed a future, only this moment you are living

61 today , and my days plans turned upside down when mum had a fall last night

Yes Im ready for my pension, already have my travel pass , and Im still caring for a parent

And grandchildren the other end

No option but to stay as fit as possible so that I can carry on. Ive watched my step dad disable himself by taking to the chair and not moving - hes been gone 10 years now and I ' ve watched my mum do the same - sitting there waiting for god - both sat down at 60

I still work, I exercise, I eat a well balanced diet. I keep the weight steady

Sure my knees arent what they once were and not all my teeth are my own, but Im going to keep moving and taking care of me and hopefully I when my number is called, its when Im dancing on a bar :)

It all depends on the quality of life at that stage I think
would anyone really want it be 90 and suffering and not enjoying life but still just be alive sitting in a chair all day
or laying in bed all day

My MIL was 87 a couple of weeks ago.

She's amazingly fit, and until a few months ago was spending hours a day gardening. A couple of months ago, she started getting a pain in her hip area that we think might be the beginning of arthritis and she moans that she now has to come in and have a rest after a couple of hours of gardening. She's 100% compos mentis, too, and has a better memory than me.

Otoh, I was diagnosed with arthritis in my spine at 42, and had had 3 lots of surgery for joint problems before I was 60.

Getting old's fine if your health holds up.

For instance

Conclusions: This population-based study suggests that lifestyle factors influence PD progression and mortality. © 2019 International Parkinson and Movement Disorder Society.

So if it “helps” why did you say “I disagree”?!

Thanks op for starting this thread. I am a bit down myself at the minute and dealing with some difficult issues. I also, as some previous PPs, live on my own with limited support. I have decided to prioritise health and fitness and make the most of life as best I can when I retire soon. But the idea that I can create a living will and refuse any life prolonging treatment in the future has ironically cheered me up. I also hope that by then, maybe in 20 years, there will be a more humane system for anyone facing a complicated, painful few years. Ie. Euthanasia for anyone who wants it. A nice simple death makes for a less stressful life.

@2sidesofcoins good for you! Learn from everyone else’s mistakes and plan and prepare for the life you want.

Joy in the little things is important- a lovely day, a delicious meal. Don’t let the big worries spoil your enjoyment of small things. It’s a really helpful habit- smell the coffee and the roses!

OP has reasons for being on the elderly parents thread.

We don’t get to drop our responsibilities because life is a grind at the moment.

You are, I fear, telling OP to get a grip instead of listening to her and understanding her challenges.

I am at the point where DC are independent and we’re ready to have some fun, but our annual leave is mainly spent with elderly relatives who aren’t enjoying life and are doing a good job of sucking the joy from our life as well!

I am determined not to do the same to our DC. Plan, prepare, stay fit as possible, and as joy fades I’ll take up something risky 😅

I understand your thought process OP in regards to having seen loved family members and friends struggle at an old age and not wanting to go through that yourself.
I think there are many people out there who worry about becoming elderly and what comes with it - I do think we are kinder to pets than we are to human beings.
My mum however suffered a brain aneurysm aged 60 and died after a 10 week battle in hospital. What I had to witness her going through was awful, but I still wanted them to try everything to save her life if possible. In hindsight I wish she had died instantaneously because that would have been much kinder on her - she didn’t have a chance but it took so long for medics and hospital staff to admit this and let her go. She suffered brain damage during the 12 hour operation so the person I visited and fought for was never actually mentally my mum.
I guess my point is that these awful things we often associate with old age can happen much sooner. We just have to make the most of the time we have here and now and try not to worry about things we cannot control. Hopefully one day there will be more options for people.

You are assuming a lot. It remains a revolting response - that's all you took from her post. Anyway, your attitude towards older people is ill-informed and sucks.

It’s surprising that this doesn’t get more coverage, actually. Those who work in the field think we are very close to being able to reverse the ageing process and massively extend the lifespan. I mean within the next decade or so. I suppose the reason no one talks about it is that AI grabs all the sciency headlines. But this could sneak up on us.

If it happens, god knows what that will mean for the planet. In 1900 there were a billion humans. By 1960 that had trebled to three billion. It’s now eight billion and we’re heading for ten billion. Africa’s birth rate is so high the African population is going to double, right in the middle of climate meltdown. If people aren’t dying and making room, the fight for resources will be horrific.

Lol. I'm not but I'm abroad, experiencing totally new culture , it's a total refresher for me

I'm looking at the gardens in Cranleigh and wondering why noone grows vegetables

I agree with this. My mother had heavy care needs from her 80s on. She lived until 93 but only the month or so of that was she really easy to go, despite a lot of ill health in her last two years. In between her ill health periods she continued to enjoy life as much as she was able to. She made friends, socialised, took part in whatever she could and loved us taking her out and spending time with friends and family, like to play simple card games and jigsaws ,watching her favourite tv programs, singing songs,listening to music

She had physical needs and needed personal care but she still liked living and got joy from it until the very end

I felt a bit like that in my 40s. I can tell you that I don't still feel like that in my early 60s. I don't want to die any time soon if I can help it and certainly not in less than 10 years

As my lovey FIL said when asked if he was looking forward to his 90th birthday. ,
"Well yes, though nobody really looks forward to being 90, except 89 year olds'

I have always felt strongly that it is a person's right to make their own choices but I am worried about my dad (who is still alive and still married to her) tbh.

Not something I’m aware of thankfully I suspect

Definitely agree OP. I have a suspicion my mum is planning to go to Switzerland next year as she will be the age when her mum was diagnosed with hideous dementia. I wouldn't support this if she came out and said it but I hope to be brave enough to do the same.