To not want to live to an old age

What were your MIL and DM like, say 10 years ago?

so many wealthy elderly people living in misery

Madonna is almost 70 and she has a 29 year old boyfriend! Perhaps the ones you've mentioned above, just don't know how to use their money to make them happy?

Life is a gift! We should hold on to it for as long as you can. I'm not wealthy like Madonna (far from it) or quite so old (I'm 58) but I still find plenty of things that make me happy and give me joy. Sometimes, it is about changing your perception of things, looking for things that you enjoy and stimulate you, counting your blessings, making new friends, etc.

Op…. Calm down

yes, we have been on the same very recent threads. In one you talk about how isolating parenting is; on another you talk about your past three jobs being awful.

i mean…. You disagree?

Staying fit and eating well will give you a much better chance of of living happily + independently well into old age. My DM is 91 and has only really started showing signs of slowing down in the last year or two. She worked until she was 85 out of choice as in her opinion it keeps your mind and body young - I think she is definitely right.

Come off the elderly parents board and read all all the threads moaning about how fit active old people aren’t doing enough childcare because they are too busy enjoying themselves instead.

This.

There’s a lot you can do to improve your quality of life as you age. Of course you can’t eliminate risk, but you can mitigate it. Start now op, if you haven’t already and give yourself the best chance to remain functional in your later years.

I agree. I think we’re impacted by our relatives’ experiences.

MiL is miserable and has been for years. She gets so much medical attention and investigation. She’s at the doctor, specialist, hospital, scan every week. Still miserable and dissatisfied.

DM similar. Actually relatively healthy and active, but angry about the ways her body is deteriorating, refuses to take meds as prescribed, and constantly overwhelmed by life. Refuses to spend money on suooort that would make her life easier, despite being wealthy.

Both of them look to us to make them feel better and solve their problems. No visit goes by without some pointless job being found for us to do. Because we want to do their chores as well as our own, on our non working days. Yay.

So from my pov, old age looks very unappealing.

Well as someone age 54 with Parkinson’s, diagnosed at 45 I don’t think further than a couple of years ahead. I’m living in the now.

If I were you, I'd worry about it when you get there. I know some very happy octogenarians, still living and enjoying the lives they have, focusing on what they can still do rather than what they can't. Of course it doesn't look very appealing when you're 45, in much the same way as 45 would have seemed past it and pointless at 21, but things look different when you get there. I feel sad for elderly people living miserable lives, but its not guaranteed you'll be one of them, and the positive happy ones probably wouldn't thank you for dismissing their life stage as a fate worse than death.

@Returnofjude why would you think
it's going to change?

I for one have taken action to try and ensure I’m fit and mobile and fully functioning in to late old age. How?

Exercise, exercise, diet, sleep, exercise, weights, mobility. Oh and exercise. Controlling my weight.

use it or lose it.

It’s not a given, my DM and her friends are slim, active and mentally fine in their late 80’s. You can’t rock up at 50 in shit shape, or 60 a basket case and expect anything good to happen as you age. I’m in my 50’s and doing the work now.

At the moment in the UK

My neighbour is almost 90!and fit as a fiddle. But even if she weren’t, to say that old age is not worth living is very sad, as every age can bring enjoyment and quality of life to some degree. I appreciate however that caring for an elderly parent can feel draining.

I think you’d be better off keeping off it op

i have been aware of you on other threads… you find parenting very isolating; your last three jobs have been disasters and all in all… you are feeling very down in the dumps

She’s clearly referring to ‘our generation’ being a two working parents generation

I hear you and agree - having seen the rapid physical and mental decline of my old folks from about 75 - 80ish I really don’t want this for me, or for my own kids to have to deal with me when I’m like it. At 85 my own parents have lost all interest in everything and are disappointed each morning that they didn’t die in the night. They are literally just waiting for that and it’s heartbreaking for them.

It sounds awful and very uncaring of me but I do wonder why we keep old people alive when their quality of life is non-existent. People in constant pain, medicated, not aware of who they - or their loved ones - are, no real interest in eating or doing anything, exhausted, unable to move about safely etc etc. Unfortunately it just seems that old people (as above, who need a lot of care) are a money making racket. Some people are getting very rich at the expense of these elderly people and their families.

Improved medication and standard of living means pneumonia is no longer the old person’s friend. My dad is hospitalised at least once a winter with it, treated and discharged despite having a DNR.

I know it’s a privilege to get older and many people don’t, but once your physical and mental state mean you’re waiting to die I wish there was a humane and peaceful solution - it’s what I’d want.

I really hope they legalise euthanasia as I want control over my death.

Control & dignity in death does not come cheap...

I feel the same way OP. Don’t want to go on forever. Have seen too many long protracted deaths in my family, people living on and on but in pain.

I think it depends to a degree, if you are relatively fit, my uncle is 87 and strong as an ox still. Unfortunately has dementia but early stages, on meds so still happy in himself.
My aunt was 86 and very happy and fit, she was working full time at 80 in a factory job, on her feet all day. Eventually suffered with dementia but was still happy, pneumonia took her about a year after diagnosis.
My dad had pancreatic cancer and possibly dementia we don’t know, he was strong but had an awful death.
DM has awful arthritis but loves life. She gets upset about dying. She’s not ready to go.

I really hope they legalise euthanasia as I want control over my death. That would give me comfort and I don’t know why I can’t make plans now whilst fit, healthy and sound of mind. If I get the same illness as my dad I’ll take my own life if I’m able to, I refuse to suffer like that.

It's not old age that's the problem, it's ill health.

and there is no correlation between the two 🙄

It's not old age that's the problem, it's ill health.

There are ill people in their 40's and 50's who don;t have very enjoyable lives and then there are people in their 80's and 90's who are fit and healthy and enjoying life to the full still.

This makes very sad reading.
You are way, way too young to be thinking like this. You'll waste a lot of time worrying about things that may never happen. Enjoy your life. We're here for a good time, not a long time.