To not want to live to an old age

I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer on 10 July OP. I very much do want to live to old age but last week was researching where I am going to be buried. I haven't told all my family yet as I don't know how and don't want to upset them.

I'm going to hide this thread now.

Not dreading getting old over here. I'm 66 in reasonable health. My mom is 84 and in good health, she just had a knee replacement and is getting around better, she still lives at home with my SDad. My Aunty just passed this year at 102, still of sound mind and living at home (along with a helper)
We have longevity genes in our family.

Interesting, was there a link between having had the Spanish flu and then the development of parkinsons in later life?

When my mum was in a nursing home for the last 18 months of her life, I was bloody jealous! Meals handed to you, room cleaned for you, all day to watch TV and read, hairdresser in once a week, twice daily visitors (though I'd be happy enough with one visit every other day), out on a Sunday for dinner, all the good drugs ... Sounds like bloody heaven to me. She even had a mini fridge with wine in it FFS!

The thing about almost all the boards on MN is that ppl mostly post when they are looking for support or sharing experiences to support others. So it can all seem very negative.

On the other hand, when I read Elderly Parents threads, it’s to try to avoid problematic situations that I might unwittingly create as I get older.

I certainly want to do all I can to exercise and eat healthily. And I also want to be allowed to go quickly if I’m beyond all hope. I’m 70, creaking with arthritis, but with no intention of giving up hope.

Two working parents has been the norm in most families in the UK throughout history.

It's only on MN that the majority of "boomers" bought a 4 bedroomed detached on the husband's teaching salary whilst the wife never worked. Then they retired at 50 and lived a life of luxury on his gold plated pensions.

It's hard to watch a parent be ill, OP, but it's part of the circle of life. You're relatively young, improve your diet, do some exercise, get some fresh air and enjoy your kids.

I’m 49 and was diagnosed with metastatic cancer in September, 2023. I’m very sad this happened to me so young.

Thank you

I was suggesting the op keep off elderly parents board as clearly feeling down about a lot in life

Yes im with you op. im late 40s and im absolutely dreading getting old. i have a parent in their 70s with dementia and it is awful to see the decline, bloody scary tbh.
I suppose everyone ages differently though and I know people in their early 80s that are still very active in body and mind.
My own family though age terribly and have a huge amount of ailments that go along with ageing.

I don't think they were being horrible. With respect OP, you sound depressed and this line of thinking reflects that. I hope you can find a way out.

What on earth are you on about it?

I have an Advance Decision that says no antibiotics etc once I've lost capacity. Not even oral ones. I would like to be fit as a flea and amazing up to somewhere between 85 and 90 and then just wake up dead one morning.

I should be so lucky.

Can I cheer you up a bit Op?
i was feeling a bit unfit and overweight after the lockdown malarkey’s.
So, lost weight by, stopping being stupid, as I like to tell people, which meant no more Hagen Daz and cream cakes and reducing the size of meals… and eating fresh food.
Anyhow, not to brag, I’m not slim but not heavy either, clothes fit better, looser.
Last year I joined a gym, I lift weights, I go every 3rd day and have protein drink after, as per Ds instruction.
I walk my dog in the countryside, I read, I do Wordle and other puzzles every day without fail…
Im fit as a fiddle and I’m 77… life in the old dog yet. 🤣

Yabu.
You can do a lot to live to an older age with a healthy body and brain. Keep fit and active, don't drink much at all and keep your brain working. Even when a heart attack / cancer etc does get you it'll put you in a better position to hopefully recover.

Do your financial and health power of attorney and if possibly future proof your house and lifestyle.

understandable
I didn’t post on the threads

I just recall thinking…. That poster sounds depressed

@hangerup it's got to be cheaper than paying for treatment to keep people alive, or paying out sickness benefits for many years.
I often wish we had assisted dying, I personally don't want to get old and unwell, I want control over my destiny

I care for elderly & frail relatives - & have seen others die slowly over the past 10 years, with great pain - & the experience has made me conclude that after 80 the only medical treatments I personally will accept are painkillers, mouthcare, wound/injury treatment, & a short course of antibiotics. No statins, blood pressure meds etc.
No peg, no artificial feeding, no resuscitation, no clot busting drugs.
Also I have completed a legally binding (I hope) advance directive refusing everything I can - in terms of medical treatment & artificial feeding- once I no longer have mental capacity. (There are some things you are not allowed to refuse.)
I really do not want to be kept alive by heroic medical intervention after a stroke, speechless, incontinent bed bound & immobile, as a dear relative was.
I think the very frail are often kept alive by medical intervention in conditions of terrible misery & indignity largely to benefit the pharmaceutical industry and the share prices of corporate owners of old peoples’ homes (often private equity now). Not for their benefit at all.
My choice is to live as healthily as I can now, and take my chances. I hope to make it to late 80s in decent health; but if not, I don’t want to be kept semi-alive & suffering.

@SociableAtWork I agree, there are 1000s of elderly people being kept alive by medication with zero quality of life, many don't even know they are there. I think the pharm industry is laughing at us. Personally I think there should be something you could sign when young and mentally sound that states at a certain age you can be weaned off life extending medication, just left with pain relief. Similar to a will or DNR. You could specify by age or by condition, for example when I no longer respond to my name, when I cannot feed myself etc. The point being that you could die naturally with dignity when your time comes. Many people would never opt for this but for others it would give them a sense of control over their own destiny. Personally I would be much happier to reach old age knowing I will never be left in that condition for long.

I find this to be a very passive approach. I’m in my late fifties and have no intention of living like my parents and in laws have in their old age, they’re all typical boomers and didn’t exercise, eat particularly well, drank alcohol regularly. Whilst I’m not trying to live a long life necessarily, I do want to live an active life for as long as possible so I do something about it. I exercise 4/5 times a week, eat well, and don’t drink, I don’t have aches and pains, I’ve lost weight not gained it. I also keep my mind active. By the time my mother was my age she was slowing down and believed that was normal, but you can choose something more positive and more fulfilling.