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Original poster

To confront DH over bingeing

233 replies

JaneEyre40 · 23/08/2025 15:31

No not alcohol, chocolate. I've found the remains of family sized chocolate bars that have been eaten in one sitting secretly by my DH, up to 2/3 a week. I wouldn't have a problem with this if it weren't in secret! He also complains about feeling unfit, wanting to get healthy but does nothing about it. Things are slightly stressful at home but not to the degree that you'd need a binge to ease it. Am I being unreasonable to bring it up and ask if he's ok? Not unreasonable being I do bring it up with him.

OP posts:
IThinkPink · 23/08/2025 17:19

Well those share bar things if that what he’s having, are quite small

looked at those new Kit Kat ‘share’ bars and I could easily eat all that!

Original poster
JaneEyre40 · 23/08/2025 17:18

Kpo58 · 23/08/2025 17:16

Not really.

People binge on chocolate usually for emotional reasons. I do when I am stressed and lack any free time to de-stress in a more productive way.

Having someone put the wrappers in front of me and wanting a "discussion" about it is going to make me not want to talk, eat more and hide it better.

Could you not just have a heart to heart about how you are both feeling currently and work out ways to make how you feel better about life? AND DON'T MENTION THE WRAPPERS! Getting rid of the triggers is the only way to help.

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.....you've missed the point. I am agreeing with you.

OP posts:
MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 23/08/2025 17:17

BeltaLodaLife · 23/08/2025 16:02

You have more than 3 family sizes chocolate bars a week? That is more than just enjoying chocolate. That is a problem.

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is it any worse than having biscuits with cups of tea?

Gowlett · 23/08/2025 17:16

It’s so personal. What you eat. Why you eat. When you eat.
I’m having an ED relapse. I don’t want DH to know about it…

Original poster
JaneEyre40 · 23/08/2025 17:16

EarlyBird12345 · 23/08/2025 17:14

OP you say you found “the remains”. Was that just the wrappers, or was there some chocolate left? Because binge eaters don’t leave “remains”.

I always make sure I tidy away all wrappers and crumbs after a binge so that it’s hard for anyone to challenge me. You don’t want to push him into a cycle of shame and secrecy about his eating.

I know I don't want to do that.

OP posts:
Kpo58 · 23/08/2025 17:16

JaneEyre40 · 23/08/2025 17:10

People need to just ignore that post it's just filling the chat with irrelevance.

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Not really.

People binge on chocolate usually for emotional reasons. I do when I am stressed and lack any free time to de-stress in a more productive way.

Having someone put the wrappers in front of me and wanting a "discussion" about it is going to make me not want to talk, eat more and hide it better.

Could you not just have a heart to heart about how you are both feeling currently and work out ways to make how you feel better about life? AND DON'T MENTION THE WRAPPERS! Getting rid of the triggers is the only way to help.

MamaElephantMama · 23/08/2025 17:15

I would be wondering they they feel the need to eat in secret.

Original poster
JaneEyre40 · 23/08/2025 17:14

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 23/08/2025 17:13

Because 'confronting' someone and collecting and displaying g chocolate wrappers to a loved one is exactly the way to address an eating disorder ...

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Who is doing that?

OP posts:
EarlyBird12345 · 23/08/2025 17:14

OP you say you found “the remains”. Was that just the wrappers, or was there some chocolate left? Because binge eaters don’t leave “remains”.

I always make sure I tidy away all wrappers and crumbs after a binge so that it’s hard for anyone to challenge me. You don’t want to push him into a cycle of shame and secrecy about his eating.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 23/08/2025 17:13

BeltaLodaLife · 23/08/2025 15:43

Yes, let’s all ignore it when our loved ones are showing signs of eating disorders and binging and eating themselves into an early grave.

Some families might be like that, don’t talk about anything uncomfortable. But most of us actually talk to our loved ones. The OP needs to talk to him.

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Because 'confronting' someone and collecting and displaying g chocolate wrappers to a loved one is exactly the way to address an eating disorder ...

JLou08 · 23/08/2025 17:13

IThinkPink · 23/08/2025 16:37

I’ve never seen one!

what is a ‘family size’ bar?

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It's called a share bar on some packets, some will just say the name of the chocolate. They are in supermarkets and corner shops for about £1.50-£2

AliceMaforethought · 23/08/2025 17:13

BeltaLodaLife · 23/08/2025 15:43

Yes, let’s all ignore it when our loved ones are showing signs of eating disorders and binging and eating themselves into an early grave.

Some families might be like that, don’t talk about anything uncomfortable. But most of us actually talk to our loved ones. The OP needs to talk to him.

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'Eating ourselves into an early grave'? Unless he is super obese, this is ridiculous hyperbole. I wouldn't come on here for advice about this, though, OP. Far too many obsessive teeny tinies who think that even normal sized people are fat.

sandyhappypeople · 23/08/2025 17:12

There could be different reasons, he could be using it as a coping mechanism for something, stress/unhappiness etc and it has become a crutch which he is ashamed about.

OR it could have started as that and now he could just be in the midst of a full blown sugar addiction, once you start with sweet stuff the cravings are insane. I can go weeks and months without eating chocolate/sweet stuff and don't even think about it, but once I start having it again (usually over christmas, easter etc) the cravings and 'food noise' won't go away until you eat more, I actually liken sugar to a drug as I find it hinders you from making healthy choices and it also makes you tired and lethargic.. until you have your next hit, it starts a cycle that is hard to break and it really zaps your energy while you are stuck in that cycle, it's evil stuff.

You don't eat chocolate and sweet stuff so he is obviously ashamed about it, and you do sound a little judgy about him to be totally honest (probably for good reason but it is the opposite of helpful to someone secretly binging), I'm not sure the best way to approach it, the only way you could is to accept that it isn't just a conscious choice he is making, it is like any other thing that your body craves.

The only real way for him to stop is to stop having excess sugar altogether for a while and then the cravings should go away, but it can be really hard to break the habit.

thisisplanetearthapparently · 23/08/2025 17:12

Maybe he's got the munchies!

Original poster
JaneEyre40 · 23/08/2025 17:11

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 23/08/2025 17:10

Well, you're not gon going to help him by confronting him (to use the wording in your title). Worth a conversation though in a non charged non accusatory way

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That was unintentional to be honest. Not sure why I said confront as that's absolutely not what I want to do.

OP posts:
MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 23/08/2025 17:10

JaneEyre40 · 23/08/2025 15:38

I want to help him.

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Well, you're not gon going to help him by confronting him (to use the wording in your title). Worth a conversation though in a non charged non accusatory way

Original poster
JaneEyre40 · 23/08/2025 17:10

Kpo58 · 23/08/2025 17:09

Well that's a good way of making matters worse and will only lead to him hiding the wrappers better.

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People need to just ignore that post it's just filling the chat with irrelevance.

OP posts:
hangerup · 23/08/2025 17:09

To clarify what family size means?

Kpo58 · 23/08/2025 17:09

BeltaLodaLife · 23/08/2025 15:37

I’d just put the wrappers down in front of him when you’re both in the same room and ask what’s going on. There really is no nice way to do it, but I agree that it needs done. So bite the bullet, show him the wrappers and ask what’s is going on.

Well that's a good way of making matters worse and will only lead to him hiding the wrappers better.

Original poster
JaneEyre40 · 23/08/2025 17:09

hangerup · 23/08/2025 17:08

@JaneEyre40 you have been asked repeatedly by lots of posters. Why not answer?

About the size of the fucking chocolate?

OP posts:
hangerup · 23/08/2025 17:08

@JaneEyre40 you have been asked repeatedly by lots of posters. Why not answer?

EarlyBird12345 · 23/08/2025 17:07

I don’t know what OP terms “family size”, but the largest bar of cadbury’s in tesco is 360g and £5. It’s about a foot long and four inches wide.

EarlyBird12345 · 23/08/2025 17:07

I don’t know what OP terms “family size”, but the largest bar of cadbury’s in tesco is 360g and £5. It’s about a foot long and four inches wide.

Original poster
JaneEyre40 · 23/08/2025 17:05

hangerup · 23/08/2025 17:03

Op…what are these ‘family size’ bars? Is chocolate marketed in that way?

I bet no more than 100g

Do you bet? How helpful.

OP posts:
hangerup · 23/08/2025 17:03

Op…what are these ‘family size’ bars? Is chocolate marketed in that way?

I bet no more than 100g

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