Page 4 | To confront DH over bingeing

JaneEyre40 · 2025-08-23T14:31:39+00:00

No not alcohol, chocolate. I've found the remains of family sized chocolate bars that have been eaten in one sitting secretly by my DH, up to 2/3 a week. I wouldn't have a problem with this if it weren't in secret! He also complains about feeling unfit, wanting to get healthy but does nothing about it. Things are slightly stressful at home but not to the degree that you'd need a binge to ease it. Am I being unreasonable to bring it up and ask if he's ok? Not unreasonable being I do bring it up with him.

vdbfamily · 23/08/2025 17:40

Having read through your comments, my guess is that you manage the meals in the household and cook very healthily and it is not enough for him. If you suspect 3 a week, you have no evidence he eats a whole bar at once, he may just have a stash for when he feels peckish, and because he knows you would not approve, he hides it.
Most eating regimes allow treats as they accept people will fall off the wagon quickly if they are not allowed to indulge in what they love a few times a week.
I would have a conversation with him wether you reveal that you know he is buying chocolate and are happy for him to have treats like that but would prefer him not to hide it. Tell him that you know it is his choice and that you just want him to be healthy but understand that it is not for you to control his eating habits.

Original poster

JaneEyre40 · 23/08/2025 17:40

Itsnotallaboutyoulikeyouthink · 23/08/2025 17:31

No need for the wows. You are making a mountain out of a mole hill.
yku sound like you want to be his savours over 2-3 choc bars. And perhaps if you did just have a laugh with him and call him a little piggy it might start a convo off rather than you needing the help of mumsnet to discuss talking about a few choc
bars.

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Uh huh

OP posts:

Original poster

JaneEyre40 · 23/08/2025 17:39

MamaElephantMama · 23/08/2025 17:15

I would be wondering they they feel the need to eat in secret.

That's the point

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Original poster

JaneEyre40 · 23/08/2025 17:38

IThinkPink · 23/08/2025 17:34

Yes I’ve seen lots of sizes of chocolate

which one is ‘family’ sized? How many people is a ‘family’

never seen chocolate marketed as family size…..oo maybe saying it to exaggerate the (non) issue

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Yes that's what I'm doing.

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Original poster

JaneEyre40 · 23/08/2025 17:38

RingoJuice · 23/08/2025 17:29

Very dismissive of the only thing that would actually help him. Ok.

(assuming this is a real problem)

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The 'only' thing that would help a guy who eats chocolate on the sly is drugs?! 😂😂😂🙄

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DueyCheatemAndHow · 23/08/2025 17:36

Mumsnet is absolutely nuts. Tattle et Al will be having a field day with this one if they find it.

Sounds like a 120g bar. Hes a grown man. It's chocolate.

Fuck me.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 23/08/2025 17:34

JaneEyre40 · 23/08/2025 17:11

That was unintentional to be honest. Not sure why I said confront as that's absolutely not what I want to do.

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Fair enough

IThinkPink · 23/08/2025 17:34

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 23/08/2025 17:26

You've never seen a large bar of chocolate?

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Yes I’ve seen lots of sizes of chocolate

which one is ‘family’ sized? How many people is a ‘family’

never seen chocolate marketed as family size…..oo maybe saying it to exaggerate the (non) issue

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 23/08/2025 17:34

JaneEyre40 · 23/08/2025 17:10

People need to just ignore that post it's just filling the chat with irrelevance.

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@Kpo58 post is particularly pertinent and relevant. If the husband eating a few bars of chocolate a weak is going to be taken to task for it, he will just 'hide' the wrappers better or eat his chocolate outside the comfort of his home

HiThere2024 · 23/08/2025 17:33

Where was he hiding the wrappers? Were they actually hidden or perhaps stuffed down side of sofa where he might have been sitting enjoying them and just didn't put wrappers in the bin? Either way I think it's madness that a man can't enjoy a bit of chocolate

Pregnancyquestion · 23/08/2025 17:32

MounjaroMounjaro · 23/08/2025 15:40

Actually I'd be really pissed off if someone pulled me up on what I was eating. Yes, if I was eating someone else's treats, that would be worth hauling someone up, but if he fancies eating something, who are you to tell him off? As for someone's suggestion about putting the wrappers in front of him - do you really think that's the way to deal with an adult who's just eaten some chocolate? He's not in prison - let him eat what he wants! If he complains about his weight just say well those chocolate bars are high calorie and leave it at that.

100% he’s eating 2/3 large chocolate bars a week? That’s hardly binge eating territory. Have you ever encouraged him to eat healthy after he’s complained about being unfit? I would bet any money he’s embarrassed to eat it because he’s told you he wants to lose weight but has given up. I’d tread carefully

TabbyCatInAPoolofSunshine · 23/08/2025 17:32

Placeholder16 · 23/08/2025 16:54

This might be a bit of the problem. I grew up in a household where my Mum saw the odd croissant or a few squares of dark chocolate as a treat, and enough to satisfy you. She doesn’t have a sweet tooth (fair enough) but as a result sugary foods were very much seen as the enemy. I left home a long time ago, but I can guarantee my Dad still has a packet of biscuits in the car, because he’d feel judged for having them in the house, and both my siblings and I have ended up with a distorted relationship with treats, puddings etc. because we were told they were unnecessary (and I know, they are, but they’re also fine to enjoy).

I’m not saying his consumption is healthy, just that the hiding it/guilt/talking about getting fit might be coming from him feeling his needs are different from yours, but that he can’t express that for whatever reason, and is therefore displaying unhealthy behaviour.

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This is my background too, coupled with my parents both being very controlling about food (down to counting out ten chocolate buttons, allowed only on Sunday as a special treat for pudding) and very judgemental about anyone overweight or seen eating more than they deemed appropriate.

As soon as I had access to shops I bought chocolate and ate it in secret, before that I stole baking ingredients if there was anything in the cupboard, or biscuits bought for visitors if there were any, pr just bread and butter. We always had enough to eat but no control and no chocolate of our own, under our own control (easter chocolate was displayed then removed and tiny amounts doled out after tea, and most used for baking without us children having any say - cake then which was then donated to church bake sales, or remaining chocolate eaten by our father).

Itsnotallaboutyoulikeyouthink · 23/08/2025 17:31

JaneEyre40 · 23/08/2025 16:49

Wow...no.

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No need for the wows. You are making a mountain out of a mole hill.
yku sound like you want to be his savours over 2-3 choc bars. And perhaps if you did just have a laugh with him and call him a little piggy it might start a convo off rather than you needing the help of mumsnet to discuss talking about a few choc
bars.

hangerup · 23/08/2025 17:30

If this is serious and his binging an actualproblem, you should get him on Ozempic

The Op didn't say he was obese

YesHonestly · 23/08/2025 17:29

JaneEyre40 · 23/08/2025 17:28

The size is not the point of the post, it's the secrecy and feeling unfit and put of shape. It's probably 4 times the size of a single Cadbury dairy milk bar.

But it’s not your job to manage his eating, or fitness levels.

If he wants to lose weight and get fit, he will do it himself.

RingoJuice · 23/08/2025 17:29

JaneEyre40 · 23/08/2025 17:26

No..drugs? No.

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Very dismissive of the only thing that would actually help him. Ok.

(assuming this is a real problem)

Original poster

JaneEyre40 · 23/08/2025 17:28

The size is not the point of the post, it's the secrecy and feeling unfit and put of shape. It's probably 4 times the size of a single Cadbury dairy milk bar.

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MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 23/08/2025 17:26

IThinkPink · 23/08/2025 16:37

I’ve never seen one!

what is a ‘family size’ bar?

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You've never seen a large bar of chocolate?

Original poster

JaneEyre40 · 23/08/2025 17:26

RingoJuice · 23/08/2025 17:25

If this is serious and his binging an actual
problem, you should get him on Ozempic
or an Ozempic-like substance. Can you get it if he’s not overweight? I used tirzepatide to self-treat PCOS (it worked) and found that food noise was gone too as a nice side effect. I do a low-dose now to keep these effects.

No..drugs? No.

OP posts:

RingoJuice · 23/08/2025 17:25

If this is serious and his binging an actual
problem, you should get him on Ozempic
or an Ozempic-like substance. Can you get it if he’s not overweight? I used tirzepatide to self-treat PCOS (it worked) and found that food noise was gone too as a nice side effect. I do a low-dose now to keep these effects.

Cucy · 23/08/2025 17:23

YABVU to bring it up.

He’s doing it in secret because he feels shame.
You bringing it up will make him feel more shame.
Which will lead to more binge eating.

You bringing it up will not do any good at all.

I would work on the stress at home and how this can be lessened.

I don’t know what your situation is or finances etc but think about things like giving each other more time to do hobbies or see friends and family without the other person.

YesHonestly · 23/08/2025 17:23

BeltaLodaLife · 23/08/2025 15:43

Yes, let’s all ignore it when our loved ones are showing signs of eating disorders and binging and eating themselves into an early grave.

Some families might be like that, don’t talk about anything uncomfortable. But most of us actually talk to our loved ones. The OP needs to talk to him.

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Let’s relax a bit, it’s a family sized chocolate bar a couple of times a week.

Hardly indicative of an eating disorder.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 23/08/2025 17:23

BeltaLodaLife · 23/08/2025 16:25

Family sized chocolate bars, in secret, whilst talking about his fitness levels and wanting to sort things out.

That’s called binge eating.

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Not Sure you are aware of what binge eating disorder. Here's some NHS info on it

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/binge-eating/overview/

Overview - Binge eating disorder

Read about binge eating disorder, which is when a person feels compelled to overeat on a regular basis. Find out about the symptoms, treatments and possible causes.

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/binge-eating/overview

Oaktopus · 23/08/2025 17:23

Not being goady, but what is a family sized bar of chocolate? Like say, in grams?

Oaktopus · 23/08/2025 17:22

Encourage him to get out for a walk and to get more active generally. He'll likely be less likely to binge eat junk if he's feeling physically better.