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Original poster

To confront DH over bingeing

233 replies

JaneEyre40 · 23/08/2025 15:31

No not alcohol, chocolate. I've found the remains of family sized chocolate bars that have been eaten in one sitting secretly by my DH, up to 2/3 a week. I wouldn't have a problem with this if it weren't in secret! He also complains about feeling unfit, wanting to get healthy but does nothing about it. Things are slightly stressful at home but not to the degree that you'd need a binge to ease it. Am I being unreasonable to bring it up and ask if he's ok? Not unreasonable being I do bring it up with him.

OP posts:
Greyhound98 · 23/08/2025 18:09

You sound rather uptight about food. I’m not surprised he’s eating chocolate in secret.

BatchCookBabe · 23/08/2025 18:08

Poor bloke. Sad

dairydebris · 23/08/2025 18:08

He fancies some chocolate and he hides it from you because youre uptight about food.

Unless he's seriously overweight or seriously depressed then I've no idea why you feel you should police his eating choices.

If he's seriously overweight or depressed confronting him with his 'binge eating' will definitely make it worse.

You could just start a conversation about how youre worried about him for such and such reasons. Not the chocolate.

Bushmillsbabe · 23/08/2025 18:01

labamba18 · 23/08/2025 15:58

Yes I agree would make me feel like a child.

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I absolutely agree, I would be really annoyed if someone put the bar wrappers in front of me. There does need to be a conversation but it needs to be supportive rather than shaming, expressing concern rather than trying to embarass.

Cucy · 23/08/2025 18:00

IThinkPink · 23/08/2025 17:34

Yes I’ve seen lots of sizes of chocolate

which one is ‘family’ sized? How many people is a ‘family’

never seen chocolate marketed as family size…..oo maybe saying it to exaggerate the (non) issue

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The family sized bars are the large bars of chocolate you get. Like the big areo or dairy milk bars.
They say family sized on them or they used to.

Same with big bags of maltesers etc they’re called family sized bags.

Perhaps they have been renamed to share sized now.

IThinkPink · 23/08/2025 18:00

DueyCheatemAndHow · 23/08/2025 17:46

Your responses are so snippy, it speaks volumes

And the DH stuck in all this sounds unhappy with his lot….hmm

RightOnTheEdge · 23/08/2025 17:55

Are the posters who are having a go at the OP missing the part where he's unhappy with his health and moaning about it all the time, then secretly binging?

It's not the OP just Being controlling and wanting to ban a man from happily enjoying a bar of chocolate he sounds unhappy.

Enrichetta · 23/08/2025 17:54

A large Cadbury chocolate bar is 200g.
2-3 bars per week = 400-600g
They contain 56-57 grams of sugar per 100g

Assuming 2.5 bars/500g per week, that’s 280 grams of sugar per week.
NHS considers anything above 30g of free sugar/day, i.e. 210g/week to be unhealthy.
This relates to free or added sugar, not naturally occurring sugar.

Ergo, he is consuming 70g (33%) more than is considered healthy.
Which may not seem wildly excessive but the cumulative effect over years could have serious health implications - obesity, heart, cardiovascular, diabetes, teeth…

Bobnobob · 23/08/2025 17:52

‘confronting’ is definitely not going to help. How about suggesting you get healthy together.. start by logging everything you eat on myfitnesspal or similar which makes you much more mindful. Weigh in together weekly etc.

My husband often comes home to me having eaten all of the chocolate in the house because I’ve been working at home and he gently teases me about it… I do feel ashamed and bad about my poor impulse control but it is hard to change habits without support.

Pregnancyquestion · 23/08/2025 17:52

I’d just be really careful here, you don’t enjoy unhealthy foods. He does. Calling 2 bars of chocolate over a week binge eating shows what your attitude to the way he eats is.

Sometimes when people feel shit about themselves (unfit etc) and they are around people who they think might judge them, even if they don’t, they end up being secret eaters.

When you enjoy foods like that and someone says - oh I thought you were on a diet/eating healthy or oh do you really need that? You just learn to hide it from those people, it doesn’t make you stop.

I’d consider if your own attitude to food means he feels he has to secret eat due to his low self esteem. Overeating chocolate, maybe but I don’t think it’s fair to say binge eating

Pinkelephant66 · 23/08/2025 17:49

You haven’t said whether he’s overweight or not… and if he is, whether he’s just a lil chonky or super morbidly obese

Original poster
JaneEyre40 · 23/08/2025 17:48

Clafoutie · 23/08/2025 17:46

A bit harsh OP. I think people are only trying to help here, even if they’re wide of the mark!

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Many people are actually helping. Some are ridiculous.

OP posts:
Original poster
JaneEyre40 · 23/08/2025 17:48

Clafoutie · 23/08/2025 17:46

A bit harsh OP. I think people are only trying to help here, even if they’re wide of the mark!

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Assuming I'm in charge of all household meals? What's that assumption adding to the conversation?

OP posts:
Clafoutie · 23/08/2025 17:46

JaneEyre40 · 23/08/2025 17:43

Maybe don't guess and then you won't be wrong.

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A bit harsh OP. I think people are only trying to help here, even if they’re wide of the mark!

Original poster
JaneEyre40 · 23/08/2025 17:46

DueyCheatemAndHow · 23/08/2025 17:46

Your responses are so snippy, it speaks volumes

That I'm snippy? Yep. 😊

OP posts:
DueyCheatemAndHow · 23/08/2025 17:46

Greyhound98 · 23/08/2025 17:44

Is eating a full chocolate bar considered ‘binge eating’ these days? 😳
If my partner ‘confronted’ me with my empty snack wrappers and asked what was going on I’d just laugh.

Only on MN, dont worry.

Original poster
JaneEyre40 · 23/08/2025 17:46

Greyhound98 · 23/08/2025 17:44

Is eating a full chocolate bar considered ‘binge eating’ these days? 😳
If my partner ‘confronted’ me with my empty snack wrappers and asked what was going on I’d just laugh.

Good for you.

OP posts:
DueyCheatemAndHow · 23/08/2025 17:46

Your responses are so snippy, it speaks volumes

Original poster
JaneEyre40 · 23/08/2025 17:45

Clafoutie · 23/08/2025 17:44

This is a very good post

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100% I think this poster nailed it. I do come from a home similar to that.

OP posts:
Greyhound98 · 23/08/2025 17:44

Is eating a full chocolate bar considered ‘binge eating’ these days? 😳
If my partner ‘confronted’ me with my empty snack wrappers and asked what was going on I’d just laugh.

Clafoutie · 23/08/2025 17:44

Placeholder16 · 23/08/2025 16:54

This might be a bit of the problem. I grew up in a household where my Mum saw the odd croissant or a few squares of dark chocolate as a treat, and enough to satisfy you. She doesn’t have a sweet tooth (fair enough) but as a result sugary foods were very much seen as the enemy. I left home a long time ago, but I can guarantee my Dad still has a packet of biscuits in the car, because he’d feel judged for having them in the house, and both my siblings and I have ended up with a distorted relationship with treats, puddings etc. because we were told they were unnecessary (and I know, they are, but they’re also fine to enjoy).

I’m not saying his consumption is healthy, just that the hiding it/guilt/talking about getting fit might be coming from him feeling his needs are different from yours, but that he can’t express that for whatever reason, and is therefore displaying unhealthy behaviour.

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This is a very good post

RingoJuice · 23/08/2025 17:44

JaneEyre40 · 23/08/2025 17:38

The 'only' thing that would help a guy who eats chocolate on the sly is drugs?! 😂😂😂🙄

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It was an exaggeration, but most people who binge and eat in secret are not going to be helped by shaming or whatever. The food reward pathways are already quite solidified by that point (again, assuming this is a real problem, since a chocolate bar a few times a week doesn’t really sound all that bad, although not ideal)

Original poster
JaneEyre40 · 23/08/2025 17:43

vdbfamily · 23/08/2025 17:40

Having read through your comments, my guess is that you manage the meals in the household and cook very healthily and it is not enough for him. If you suspect 3 a week, you have no evidence he eats a whole bar at once, he may just have a stash for when he feels peckish, and because he knows you would not approve, he hides it.
Most eating regimes allow treats as they accept people will fall off the wagon quickly if they are not allowed to indulge in what they love a few times a week.
I would have a conversation with him wether you reveal that you know he is buying chocolate and are happy for him to have treats like that but would prefer him not to hide it. Tell him that you know it is his choice and that you just want him to be healthy but understand that it is not for you to control his eating habits.

Maybe don't guess and then you won't be wrong.

OP posts:
Original poster
JaneEyre40 · 23/08/2025 17:42

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 23/08/2025 17:34

@Kpo58 post is particularly pertinent and relevant. If the husband eating a few bars of chocolate a weak is going to be taken to task for it, he will just 'hide' the wrappers better or eat his chocolate outside the comfort of his home

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Oh My God I know! That's why I said the post about putting the wrappers in front of him is ridiculous.

OP posts:
Coconutter24 · 23/08/2025 17:40

JaneEyre40 · 23/08/2025 17:28

The size is not the point of the post, it's the secrecy and feeling unfit and put of shape. It's probably 4 times the size of a single Cadbury dairy milk bar.

So like a 200g bar, you say the size doesn’t matter but there’s a difference between having a chocolate bar and bingeing on 10 bars.
I think I would mention the chocolate next time he moans about feeling unfit I’d just suggest cutting down on the chocolate bars and see if he denies how much he’s eating or if he’s secretive about them.

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