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Original poster

To confront DH over bingeing

233 replies

JaneEyre40 · 23/08/2025 15:31

No not alcohol, chocolate. I've found the remains of family sized chocolate bars that have been eaten in one sitting secretly by my DH, up to 2/3 a week. I wouldn't have a problem with this if it weren't in secret! He also complains about feeling unfit, wanting to get healthy but does nothing about it. Things are slightly stressful at home but not to the degree that you'd need a binge to ease it. Am I being unreasonable to bring it up and ask if he's ok? Not unreasonable being I do bring it up with him.

OP posts:
iamnotalemon · 23/08/2025 20:22

Eyesopenwideawake · 23/08/2025 15:56

He knows, you don't need to tell him. What he needs is help to understand that the strategy of the child (chocolate = happiness) isn't appropriate for the adult. I just made a short video on the subject.

😂😂

DiscoBob · 23/08/2025 20:15

mikado1 · 23/08/2025 16:41

Binge eating to me is inhaling large quantities of food past the point of full without it touching the sides.
Lone eating of large bars a few times a week could be just some me time to take the edge off/relax, similar to someone else having a nice glass of wine. I often see people for example sitting eating in the supermarket car park, most I'm sure just having a time out and a sugar fix. Not ideal but not life threatening in moderation.
I definitely did a lot of bingeing and a family bar wouldn't cut it, as it just flicks a switch for more.
Any shaming or catching out etc will do the opposite of help if there is an issue. You are right that it just adds to lethargy, and certainly doesn't give me an energy boost, I feel more like lying down after if!! And the more you eat, the more you need next time. For me it's often when I'm tired I'll lose resolve, for others it's stress and even genuine hunger.

Yeah. A 'family' bar of chocolate three times a week seems pretty normal. If you divided it down it would only about one normal bar and a half a day? Most kids and teens eat that.

Hardly a 'binge'. To call it that seems very OTT and unhelpful.

Also I don't see how she knows exactly how many he eats a week, how quickly and for how many weeks it's been happening.

To just never throws away any wrappers is slightly bizarre.

Disturbia81 · 23/08/2025 20:13

MounjaroMounjaro · 23/08/2025 15:40

Actually I'd be really pissed off if someone pulled me up on what I was eating. Yes, if I was eating someone else's treats, that would be worth hauling someone up, but if he fancies eating something, who are you to tell him off? As for someone's suggestion about putting the wrappers in front of him - do you really think that's the way to deal with an adult who's just eaten some chocolate? He's not in prison - let him eat what he wants! If he complains about his weight just say well those chocolate bars are high calorie and leave it at that.

Exactly, can you imagine someone doing that to a woman

TheGirlWhoWantedToBeGod · 23/08/2025 20:13

DueyCheatemAndHow · 23/08/2025 18:27

'my DH is eating too much'
'how much is he eating?'
'That's irrelevant you bitches'

Lol.

I agree. It’s an odd way to approach a thread, that’s for sure.

I personally don’t think it’s that much chocolate, assuming it’s his only/main treat as part of an otherwise healthy diet. Also, the average man will need more calories than the average woman, so the chocolate will be a smaller % of the calories he requires.

GymBergerac · 23/08/2025 19:29

I think my response would be raising it at a quiet time with just the two of us, in terms of
"Hey DH, I'm not checking up on you, but I've found quite a few big chocolate wrappers which I think maybe I wasn't meant to find, and I just wanted to check you're OK. If you're genuinely fine, you don't need to hide them from me! And if perhaps you're not OK, let me know if you ever need to talk?"
Make it clear you're only asking out of concern. I hope he is OK, it's odd that he's hiding them, as if he's either embarrassed, or thinks he'd be judged.

OnePinkDeer · 23/08/2025 19:24

You dont confront and adult.

Complain about the health and fitness ... just say well don't eat so much chocolate then and move on and repeat.

It's all very dramatic confronting, an adult in telling him he shouldn't be eating this. He knows what he's doing. You can't force him to change.

arcticpandas · 23/08/2025 19:24

JaneEyre40 · 23/08/2025 17:28

The size is not the point of the post, it's the secrecy and feeling unfit and put of shape. It's probably 4 times the size of a single Cadbury dairy milk bar.

So 45 g × 4; 180 g of chocolate.

I eat 100 g of chocolate everday (dark 70% but still) and I am healthy and have a bmi of 19.

I do think size matters because I wouldn't call 180 g of chocolate as binge eating. Maybe he's enjoying it but knows you are going to judge him so feels he's got to hide it?

When my DH says that he's astonished that I can eat so much chocolate every day and not be fat I remind him of the biscuits he eats in the afternoon. I don't snack and eat two big meals per day with 100 g of chocolate as pudding in the evening. It works for me.

YesHonestly · 23/08/2025 19:09

Photo for those wondering (it will be pending for a few minutes).

To confront DH over bingeing
Cucy · 23/08/2025 19:01

MyLimeGuide · 23/08/2025 18:22

Please elaborate on 'family sized' chocolate bar? Because im thinking those ones that are about 2 ft long that you get at Christmas- in a wrapper and a box.

The family sized chocolate bars are the large bars you can get in all shops.
Like cadburys, galaxy etc.

I think they’re called share bars now.

Not 2ft long.

IAmQuiteNiceActually · 23/08/2025 18:35

BeltaLodaLife · 23/08/2025 15:37

I’d just put the wrappers down in front of him when you’re both in the same room and ask what’s going on. There really is no nice way to do it, but I agree that it needs done. So bite the bullet, show him the wrappers and ask what’s is going on.

That sounds very dramatic...maybe that would be appropriate if it was class A drugs but it's just 2 or 3 bars of chocolate!!

I go through phases of eating this much chocolate and I'd be a bit pissed off if my (imaginary) partner did this. It's really controlling behaviour.

MyLimeGuide · 23/08/2025 18:32

DueyCheatemAndHow · 23/08/2025 18:27

'my DH is eating too much'
'how much is he eating?'
'That's irrelevant you bitches'

Lol.

😂😆

TorroFerney · 23/08/2025 18:29

JLou08 · 23/08/2025 15:59

I do it more than that some weeks. I don't need help. I'm in good health, I just enjoy chocolate.

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But the ops husband is complaining about not being healthy that’s probably the difference, what do you say when he complains- well eating three big bars of chocolate won’t help will it - that’s the true response .

DueyCheatemAndHow · 23/08/2025 18:27

'my DH is eating too much'
'how much is he eating?'
'That's irrelevant you bitches'

Lol.

MyLimeGuide · 23/08/2025 18:22

Please elaborate on 'family sized' chocolate bar? Because im thinking those ones that are about 2 ft long that you get at Christmas- in a wrapper and a box.

Cheesetoastiees · 23/08/2025 18:20

The size is very relevant. If he’s having 3x slightly larger bars of chocolate over the course of a week (like the ones that are 500ish calories) and hiding the wrappers then it’s not unusual to eat a few over the course of a week and would speak volumes about the fact that you would disapprove.
However if it was 3 extremely large bars then that may be different.

IThinkPink · 23/08/2025 18:20

JaneEyre40 · 23/08/2025 18:12

Aww projecting?

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Hardly love!

the5thgoldengirl · 23/08/2025 18:20

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Giddykiddy · 23/08/2025 18:19

And the size of the bars please for context rather than accusing people of being botched in response to an entirely reasonable context question

the5thgoldengirl · 23/08/2025 18:18

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

the5thgoldengirl · 23/08/2025 18:17

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Original poster
JaneEyre40 · 23/08/2025 18:14

Love how it's turned to me being controlling 😂. Jeez some women on this site sure are bitches. Anyway, thank you to those posters who can read with brains for your advice. To all those unhappily bitching carry on. I've gotten the advice I need.

OP posts:
Original poster
JaneEyre40 · 23/08/2025 18:12

IThinkPink · 23/08/2025 18:00

And the DH stuck in all this sounds unhappy with his lot….hmm

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Aww projecting?

OP posts:
Original poster
JaneEyre40 · 23/08/2025 18:11

RightOnTheEdge · 23/08/2025 17:55

Are the posters who are having a go at the OP missing the part where he's unhappy with his health and moaning about it all the time, then secretly binging?

It's not the OP just Being controlling and wanting to ban a man from happily enjoying a bar of chocolate he sounds unhappy.

Edited

But it MUST be the woman's fault! 😂

OP posts:
Giddykiddy · 23/08/2025 18:10

Like others I'm frustrated by OP's unwillingness to say what size of chocolate bar which is suggesting that the bars are not actually that big and OP is being a control freak.

Im healthy, fit and quite trim. I buy a 'large' bar of chocolate and can't often resist eating it in one day.Sometimes I'll have a couple a week. They are not actually that much to eat- as a PP said not much more than a pudding.

I don't have any disorder and would be furious if DH started talking to me about my problem. Your DH is grown man treat him as such