Being asked to downplay my ds GCSE results.

I’m not sure how you not telling anyone DCs results is going to solve her problem, people are going to ask her about DNs regardless.

I don’t think you have to lie or specifically hide it but you don’t have to rub it in either (I’m sure you wouldn’t!)

I’d just reply something like:

‘Sorry to hear DN didn’t get the results he was expecting. Hopefully he can find the right way forward soon. Of course I’ll be sensitive about discussing DS results when DN is around, that’s absolutely no problem. Lots of love you to all.’

Either that or just heart her message or something.

i would say that i sympathise but i will not be hiding my DS light under a bushel.

Unless you are saying "nya nya nya my DS did way better than you" to your nephew and family, carry on.

Well done your DS!

I'd ignore her. That is amazing for your son, congratulations!

It's unfair and wrong if her to ask that of you.
You're allowed to be proud of your son and shout it from the roof tops if you like.
Your nephew is nothing to do with it.

Not sure why you've stopped his older siblings from posting on SM. They're obviously very proud of the little bugger. 😁

SIL is the one with the issue. She shouldn't have boasted.

DO NOT tell your DC to cancel his camping party. He's earned every minute eating cold baked beans under soggy canvas.🏕

That's fine (and my response was always similar) but it's one thing that being a personal choice and another if someone is insisting on it through their own disappointment.

Not necessarily poor parenting. People can feel suicidal over fucked up A Levels and future plans.

Tell her to get a grip. I’d be shouting from the rooftops.

There’s a few places in between keeping it secret and “shouting from the rooftops” 😃

Who is she expecting you not to mention your son’s results to? Surely if it’s other family members you can’t turn around and say “sorry, I’m not telling you” when they ask, and if it’s people she doesn’t know (or know that well) then it’s nothing to do with her who you tell. Or does she mean posting on social media or something? What a bizarre request. People can be so weird.

I have never put my DC academic achievements on social media, I hate all those smug posts and no one else is really that interested anyway. Far more dignified to celebrate their efforts than their results and no need to make anyone else feel worse.

My boyfriend when I was 16 wasn't allowed to celebrate his very good GCSE results, because his older sister had done badly in her A-levels the previous week. 34 years later, I still think that was poor parenting by their parents.

You're DS can celebrate his success without rubbing his cousins nose in it.

Sil counted her chickens too soon. Mad that shes drawing comparisons between the two lads - each of their successes are their own. Congrats to your DS

Hmmm I’m in 2 minds about this.

If your ds had worked his guts out and done brilliantly and then been told to downplay it, that would be well out of order. But you have said that your ds was “a shit”, broke rules and didn’t study. That being the case, I wonder why you are so proud. If he is that capable, then he should have got straight 9s and made plans for Oxbridge.

I’m finding it hard to believe the post actually. GCSEs are content heavy these days and if you don’t know the content, then it’s potentially very hard to get grade 9s.

Either way, seems as though your DS’s cousin’s plans are in disarray. So your other kids would be shits to gloat on social media when they know full well that their cousin/aunt are upset and in disarray.

My dd has done amazing with her exams and we are extremely proud of her.
My son failed all his exams but he has sen and learning difficulties, was in a sen school and I still feel extremely proud of him for getting up everyday even though it was hard for him and giving it his all!
Still proud of them, and will be celebrating them both.
So no you should do what you like with your own child and celebrate them in how you see fit.

That's crazy and selfish. It doesn't even sound like dsil is reting to protect her ds, but protect herself.

I’ll be honest as I’m going a bit against the flow here but generally if people asked how my 3 did my response was always they got what they needed. ( They did extremely well but I wouldn’t say that as I would have no idea how their kids did and wouldn’t ask, other than to hope they were happy)

Ultimately if anyone wanted a breakdown of grades I think that’s a bit nosey and they’d have to ask my sons themselves
They’re my son’s results not mine.

By doing as she says doesn't that just make more of a thing of her child's disappointment? And signal to him that she's disappointed by what he got?

We have had similar in my family but everyone has been suitably pleased for the successful kids & sympathetic for the disappointed ones. I think fussing like she is can sometimes make it worse

I’d have a banner made….well done son, onwards and upwards now!

Completely ridiculous ask on her part but I suppose that's what happens when people pre-emptively brag about their children's future successes and measure their own worth by their children's academic success 🤷🏻‍♀️

She's just jealous and bitter and neither are attractive qualities.

Let his siblings be proud of him too.

I wouldn't say anything to her, I'd just ignore and do what I want.

Presumably if the results had been as expected for both boys, she would be shouting about her DS’ results loud & proud and not affording your son the considerations which she is now asking for

Congratulations to your son (and cheers to you as his success no doubt hinged on the support you provided)

id pop the local paper or online equivalent and as if they want to do a story!

I would be shouting from the roof tops if I were you, I would be so proud and you can absolutely feel this and let everyone know. Ignore her and her jealousy.

SIL, should have kept her mouth shut. I think she has a cheek to ask you to play down your sons results, she would not do this for you.

Well done to your son. Be that proud parent if asked and tell them his results. Your SIL sounds jealous and resentful, has she congratulated your son?