Page 4 | Being asked to downplay my ds GCSE results.

Ohdearwhatnow4 · 2025-08-23T11:18:12+00:00

My DS smashed his GCSEs he got well over predicted and surprised everyone. He has sen and used school more for the social side of things, in all honesty he's been a shit at times. We thought he'd pass but not get 8's and 9's, we're surprised and really chuffed for him. He was always going to the local college and had chosen what his next step would be. My DSIL has a son in the same year, diffrent schools. He was expected to do amazing and go onto 6th form but unfortunately this hasn't been the case and he needs to resit. I've had a message from her asking me not to mention my ds results to anyone as she's embarrassed as she told everyone her ds was going to smash it. I don't do social media or anything but if family ask I'm not going to down play it as he did get amazing results (not saying he deserves them as he never studied or anything) One of my other DC failed their A-Levels and had to resit so whilst disappointing it's not the end of the world and she should be proud of what he got. DS and some mates are having a big sleepover in a field next weekend, in tents and I know not all of them got the results they wanted but they all should be proud of themselves and I won't stop them celebrating (she's not actually asked me to cancel yet)

CautiousLurker01 · 23/08/2025 13:51

IDreamOfElectricSheep · 23/08/2025 12:23

Seriously? And that’s what she’d do if the roles were reversed? It doesn’t sound like it.
Show your ds how proud you are of him and share it with whoever you like. It’s only family and close friends who care anyway.

Indeed. Sounds likes she has been crowing and shouting loud for some time but fallen flat on her face. Hope your DNephew manages to do well in his resits and learns the lessons from this year. Mine was in his shoes last year and was devastated, but it’s been a very positive experience - had to go to the local tech college with all the other kids in the area who had messed up GCSEs, and work bloody hard. 100% attendance this time as he accepts he will have missed important lessons and advice, he realises now that ‘understanding’ was not the same as knowing how to pass exams, and he attended every ‘extra’ revision/study session on offer… passing AS levels with AAB grades. Rather than be the end of the world, he has matured, found some humility, developed a deep work/study ethic. It really has been the making of him.

Your DS’s achievements are stupendous and you absolutely should be able to crow tell family how well he has done - he deserves no less than to be recognised, especially given his SEN (my kids are too and know how hard it is to manage the stress, the logistics, the burn out, the emotional roller coaster).

Hdhdhdfjhf · 23/08/2025 13:50

And celebrate without caveats. No we weren’t expecting him to do well…. Just he did really well.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 23/08/2025 13:44

The Forrest response to this is umm thanks but I’ll tell who I want thanks 🤷‍♀️

Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar · 23/08/2025 13:44

Absolutely not

Kids NEED parents to be their champions and their cheerleaders.

This is a big moment for them. They need to remember how enthusiastic and proud their parents were.

Her job is to comfort and reassure her DS and make sure he's on the right track to fix things.

Your job is to celebrate and praise your DS and support him on his next steps.

Hollyohara · 23/08/2025 13:41

Well done to your son! Shout it from the roof tops 🤩

Whattodo2024 · 23/08/2025 13:39

Just say sorry I already have

Ooodelally · 23/08/2025 13:33

Ohdearwhatnow4 · 23/08/2025 12:41

He's not bothered by his results, I'm proud of him for doing them as like I said he's not a angel, he struggled with all the rules in year 11 as they pull him up on wrong colour socks, when in previous years as long as you couldn't see them it didn't matter. Just told his 2 older siblings about it and they said they're putting it on social media. I've talked um out of it for now. Meant to get easier as they get older

Don’t tell them not to share, it’s lovely they want to celebrate him! How awful to make him feel it can’t be shared and then feel they can’t be proud!

PoshDuckQuarkQuark · 23/08/2025 13:31

Ohdearwhatnow4 · 23/08/2025 12:41

He's not bothered by his results, I'm proud of him for doing them as like I said he's not a angel, he struggled with all the rules in year 11 as they pull him up on wrong colour socks, when in previous years as long as you couldn't see them it didn't matter. Just told his 2 older siblings about it and they said they're putting it on social media. I've talked um out of it for now. Meant to get easier as they get older

Don't talk them out of it! They're clearly really proud of their younger sibling, so let them post it all over social media!

Your DSIL chose to do her bragging pre-results and that's her problem.

You should be super proud of your son, and tell everyone!

I was predicted OK GCSE grades (some Bs, mostly Cs and Ds), I was never considered one of the high fliers in my year group, but the compulsive side of my ADHD took over after my January mocks which were very mediocre and made me feel crap, and I just revised. Results day and the school were gobsmacked as I got straight As and top of the year group.

ADHD/ASD can be a gift when you learn to tame it.

Dannydevitoiloveyourart · 23/08/2025 13:31

jonthebatiste · 23/08/2025 13:23

I’m afraid I’m also in the “distasteful to brag” camp. I only ever say “yes they’re pleased with their results”, and only ever ask “are they happy with their results” or “did they get what they needed?”. I do find the shouting from the rooftops thing a bit off-putting. A little circumspection wouldn’t go amiss.

Agree - I would just say “they passed, thank you. We’re really proud”.

This is also how I would speak of my own results at school- it also helped keep the pressure off for my A Levels, as no one knew I was doing that well academically so expectations were low and I wasn’t someone for other kids to compete with/target.

Navigatinglife100 · 23/08/2025 13:31

Celebrate your DSs results.

Maybe she meant to ask for you to not share her sons results? Which is a very fair request but maybe she worded it badly.

Anyway, celebrate your sons - well done him! And keep schtum about anyone else. As I'm sure you would anyway

mummytrex · 23/08/2025 13:31

Louoby · 23/08/2025 12:49

I would be shouting from the roof tops if I were you, I would be so proud and you can absolutely feel this and let everyone know. Ignore her and her jealousy.

Agree.

No doubt if your son hadn't done well and your DN had that she wouldn't have held back. Her request is incredibly unreasonable.

Original poster

Ohdearwhatnow4 · 23/08/2025 13:29

We're not a family to celebrate, we did get a takeaway but that's was also because I hadn't been shopping. The sleepover has been planned for months so even if he failed it would still be happening.

DSIL is my DH brothers wife. My DS isn't related to them as DH is his step dad so I've not put results in their family chat or anything and none of them have asked apart from her. The next get together will be at Xmas and by them everyone will be more interested in what the lads are doing at the time, like I said DS had already made up his mind to a course at college.

OP posts:

Catwalking · 23/08/2025 13:28

Essentially DSil wants to change the truth.
I’d completely ignore what she’s asked OP to do.

ChaToilLeam · 23/08/2025 13:26

Your SIL's embarrassment is not your problem and shouldn't take the shine of your DS's achievement. He can celebrate how he wishes. Why should you downplay that he did well? Perhaps that will teach her not to make such a big show on social media before the results. I just feel sorry for her DS.

ConBatulations · 23/08/2025 13:25

DCs' results belong to them and not you or your SiL. If DC wants you or their siblings to share their results then it's up to them. We only share with close family and friends if they ask. Most people seem more interested in the next step than actual grades.

Your approach seems fine to me, proud but not boastful.

jonthebatiste · 23/08/2025 13:23

I’m afraid I’m also in the “distasteful to brag” camp. I only ever say “yes they’re pleased with their results”, and only ever ask “are they happy with their results” or “did they get what they needed?”. I do find the shouting from the rooftops thing a bit off-putting. A little circumspection wouldn’t go amiss.

kerstina · 23/08/2025 13:23

blueclip · 23/08/2025 13:02

Hmmm I’m in 2 minds about this.

If your ds had worked his guts out and done brilliantly and then been told to downplay it, that would be well out of order. But you have said that your ds was “a shit”, broke rules and didn’t study. That being the case, I wonder why you are so proud. If he is that capable, then he should have got straight 9s and made plans for Oxbridge.

I’m finding it hard to believe the post actually. GCSEs are content heavy these days and if you don’t know the content, then it’s potentially very hard to get grade 9s.

Either way, seems as though your DS’s cousin’s plans are in disarray. So your other kids would be shits to gloat on social media when they know full well that their cousin/aunt are upset and in disarray.

I am finding the post hard to believe too .Why would a SEN child use school for the social side of things. ND children are more likely to struggle with the social side of things ?

SantanaBinLorry · 23/08/2025 13:22

Well done to your son, celebrate load and proud!

Mine also smashed his GCSE's
A few months later when it came up whist talking with friends, my best friends wife said she'd asked not to hear about them as her son failed 10 years ago and it was triggering for her...
Some people are weird and need a grip!

Dannydevitoiloveyourart · 23/08/2025 13:19

I’m in the middle - me and my siblings always did well with results day but we wouldn’t talk about our results with other families whose kids also had results, as that could lead to comparison and hurt. We would also cringe when my dad showed off about our results to others.

I think there’s being proud but also knowing your audience. You wouldn’t celebrate
the amazing feast you just cooked and ate in front of a family/kids you knew were struggling for food. You wouldn’t talk about your third holiday abroad of the year to a family who you know had just been made homeless. In other contexts, it’s completely appropriate to talk proudly about those things- but we need to do it with sensitivity to the experience of those in the room.

Your DSIL shouldn’t have asked that of you, but there’s a fine line between celebrating and showing off (and I say this as someone who got straight A*s at GCSE and 3 As at a level).

Nameychangington · 23/08/2025 13:18

blueclip · 23/08/2025 13:09

Not necessarily poor parenting. People can feel suicidal over fucked up A Levels and future plans.

Show quote history

She wasn't suicidal and would probably have done better if she hadn't spent so much time bunking off but even if she had been devastated, it wasn't her 16 year old brother's fault or his job to make her feel better by not being allowed to celebrate his own achievements.

I've a friend with twins, one finds academia extremely easy and the other has to slog for every grade 4. Should my friend stop the child who got all 8s and 9s from saying so, because the other twin got 5 4s?

OPs son has achieved good grades and should be free to say so whatever his cousin got.

Corfumanchu · 23/08/2025 13:18

I never felt the need to brag about my kids' excellent results and neither did they. Why would anyone feel the need to 'shout from the rooftops'?

Original poster

Ohdearwhatnow4 · 23/08/2025 13:17

blueclip · 23/08/2025 13:02

Hmmm I’m in 2 minds about this.

If your ds had worked his guts out and done brilliantly and then been told to downplay it, that would be well out of order. But you have said that your ds was “a shit”, broke rules and didn’t study. That being the case, I wonder why you are so proud. If he is that capable, then he should have got straight 9s and made plans for Oxbridge.

I’m finding it hard to believe the post actually. GCSEs are content heavy these days and if you don’t know the content, then it’s potentially very hard to get grade 9s.

Either way, seems as though your DS’s cousin’s plans are in disarray. So your other kids would be shits to gloat on social media when they know full well that their cousin/aunt are upset and in disarray.

He got a 2 9's in his chosen options and a 8 in the other, a 8 in English language and 6 in literacy and 6 in maths, science was 6/5. Won't mention the language he took as he didn't pass that. He has autism, adhd and touretts so was never about the academic side was always that he didn't focus. I have no reason to make this up as what would I gain?
I'm going to just carry on as I had planned and if people ask I'll answer but won't broad cast it, like I said ds so relaxed about it, he's more interested if a certain girl will be at the sleepover. Just to add its boys sleeping in tents but girls will be their in the evening.

OP posts:

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 23/08/2025 13:16

Ignore.

Well done to your son!

ChocolateCinderToffee · 23/08/2025 13:16

If the situation were reversed, you DSIL would be shouting it from the rooftops. In fact she's already done that it seems, so more fool her.

It's for your DS to tell everyone he wants to however he wants to do it.

CaptainMyCaptain · 23/08/2025 13:15

Ignore her and celebrate your child's achievements. She is only upset because she boasted about him before the results came out and that's her fault. Obviously don't rub it in your nephew's face but I'm sure you wouldn't have done that anyway.