To not go to this low key children's party?

It sounds like a nice party to me - far better than the ones involving huge expense and organisation in an effort to outdo others. And are you really complaining about 'just cake' and no party bags?! It sounds like you don't really have the right spirit for celebrating a child's birthday so it's probably best if you politely decline.

it doesn’t have to cost £500 and have entertainers

What!? A party in woodland for 3 year olds with no 'additional entertainment'!?

I don't know what the world's coming to, really I don't. 😉

“Party” is really just another word for treat - it doesn’t have to mean 30 people, decorations and ig worthy outfits! This sounds like a perfect birthday treat for a 3 year old - space to play, kids to play with and a child friendly picnic with cake! Mine would have loved to be invited - and so would I (far nicer than a stuffy soft play on a hot day, when it’s your only day off!) If you can get there and afford the £5, make an afternoon of it - enjoy the fresh air, the workout and your kids having fun. The present can be anything - sticker books, a story book, a T-shirt with a picture he likes etc it doesn’t need to be stressful.

It is your prerogative not to go but not sure why so much judgement about the party ( which sounds perfectly appropriate for a young child). No wonder parents can feel so stressed organising kids' parties if this is the way other parents think. I'd be grateful for the invitation even if it was just a kick about in the park with very little expenditure (which can actually be the most enjoyable ones!)

DD would love an outside party but it would need to have been in a controlled space. And either a good play park or toys to play with.
45 minutes seems too long a journey though either way.

Kids want to be entertained, be that an entertainer, a playground - something. Assuming just because they’re outside they’ll be content is rubbish. I wouldn’t travel 45mins for my child to be bored when they can have more fun in a local park.

You have absolutely no idea what this parent has on so you can’t possibly know if it’s half-arsed. Also judging love by a homemade pinwheel vs a supermarket sandwich is hilarious

Private school parents expecting 'guests' to drive a long distance then pay to attend, even if it is only £5, combined with the minimal 'hosting' as a party, all while expecting nice birthday gifts.

We go to private school and a lot of families are quite frugal which is totally fine. However that doesn't excuse not putting in a minimum level of effort for a day that is genuinely supposed to be special for your child and guests. As mentioned, it costs virtually nothing to pick up a few bits from a discount store as scavenger hunt prizes or party bags. We've been to parties where the mum reads a script for story and leads all the children around different stations where they get small gifts in exchange for completing challenges. This also allows the other parents to sit and chat for bit.

You can also see the effort made through food. Been to parties where everything was not expensive but made with love including homemade cupcakes, wraps, pinwheels, cut fruit etc. Just buying a stack of supermarket sandwiches is a bit lazy and less effort than a day out at the park. Some other obvious ideas for cheap entertainment would be bubbles, chalk, face paints, paper planes, bouncy balls, spinners, play doh etc. All extremely cheap but the parent has to actually make the effort to get them. It sounds like the family here literally can't be bothered so they half-arse a party in order for the child to receive gifts. And surprised how many seem to be defending this as "an absolutely amazing time".

You’ve tried it once and it didn’t work for you or your kids. Decline with no guilt. I’ve declined parties that were too far away or incredibly structured when mine was in his Hulk stage.

I get it.

She doesn’t sound like a thoughtful host. Fine to be environmental and low key- but tell people “no gifts” rather than create toy landfill and don’t ask them to drive 45m pumping CO2 into the air the whole way.

Weekends are precious. Don’t waste a day on it if you won’t enjoy it.

just tell her you are busy, or say it’s too tricky with nap times to drive 45 minutes at that time or whatever.

Just don’t go then. Why are you even asking?

A skate park sounds a very odd place for such young children, who presumably don’t have the bike riding skills for it.

But I don’t think that in general there is anything wrong with a low key party at a playground/park. It might be lower effort (although I don’t see that it’s less effort than booking a party at a soft play place where the staff sort it all), but that might not be why the parents chose it. We did a playground + picnic party for my DD’s 4th birthday - it was what she asked for. We offered soft play, bouncy castle, she didn’t want it. I was worried we’d be judged for being lazy and/or cheap, and I went all out on the picnic and party bags to try to compensate, but DD had a great time.

I wouldn't take my 5 year old to a party like that. He's autistic and would run off and not join in with anything. I would have taken my DDs though they'd have loved it.
I'm not sure why she doesn't just hold it in the park though. The distance and cost would put me off if the kids didn't enjoy it.
Why are you moaning about no party bags? They are usually just full of plastic rubbish that gets thrown out the next day..
Besides it's an invitation not a demand. Just say sorry we can't make it.

I do actually get what you’re saying OP.
Last year one of my friends organised her DDs 3rd birthday ‘party’ at the local skate park in a normal town park. Free to go, free to park. And that was it, just the skate ramps and instruction to bring bikes/scooters. It was a wintery day in late Autumn. After about an hour they sang happy birthday around a stunning cake and were given some plain cupcakes after. End of party. I’d never seen anything like it - my kids are older teens now.

Not so much low key as low effort, and actually really bad on the part of the parents.

Private school parents expecting 'guests' to drive a long distance then pay to attend, even if it is only £5, combined with the minimal 'hosting' as a party, all while expecting nice birthday gifts.

Yes, that would put me off as a 'birthday party'.

It's just another day out with friends where you do all the normal childcare, running about, driving, paying, grunt work ... but you're also expected to buy so-called friends expensive presents, too. Yick.

Is it local to her or is everyone driving 45min?
If she is asking everyone to drive 45min, that's a bit much. Would be nice if she covered the parking. But the food sounds fine as does the programme. No party bags is a bonus. If there is a playground, im unclear why it can't be used. Kids that aged run around mainly and seems like a nice location. I don't really think partied for that aged kids are particularly fun for anyone.

You don't have to go if you dont want to and you don't think your kids will have a good time.

Say no. It sounds dull and cheap. And the private school thing makes no difference, shes probably the kind to say her kids like playing free range and they identify as tree stumps.

Aren’t all toddler parties boring for the adults? I’ve never been to one that kept me entertained beyond chatting to other parents, and I don’t expect them to.

And you’re unreasonable to suggest that she’s out of order to have gifts for her children when she’s not paid much for the party. I don’t give a child a birthday present to reimburse the parents for the party.

But if you think your children won’t like it, then don’t go.

Tbh sounds like what we did when our kids were that little, but I always did party bags because I do a banging party bag. 45 mins is a stretch though, and depending on the kids that might put me off. DD was always fine in the car but DS complains anything over 25 mins.

You’re not being unreasonable to decline but you sound a bit judgy. Also, you can’t know about her finances - the lengths some people go to keep up appearances is absurd.

You could always take a couple of balls yourself for your dc to play with. My dc loved just running around outdoors at that age and as yours are a year older now, maybe it’ll be a different experience?
But, it’s an invitation and if you don’t want to go, don’t.

YANBU. I wouldn’t like it either

I think you're unreasonable to expect party bags in general especially for 2 year olds!

Having said that I do agree with you that the "party" sounds quite boring and it's rude to make guests pay their 5£ entrance. I would go if it was a very dear friend to me or my dc but this is not the case here so feel free to decline.

It's the nearby playground which is the real issue. If you're competing with a playground for children's attention, you need to up your game. Otherwise the kids would find something to do.

I'd be thanking my lucky stars you weren't going if I were her.