To not go to this low key children's party?

‘Struggling for money’ ‘private primary school’

My children are older now but I’m an introvert and over the years, big children’s parties really make me anxious both to host and to attend. The expectation back then was the soft play/magician style parties and there were many. By the time they started school there would be one or two every weekend. I can’t think of anything worse.

To be honest if I had a child who loved the outdoors, maybe has the opportunity to attend a forest school session (lots of nurseries have them!) letting them use their imaginations, then this party sounds ideal. Maybe Mum recognises her child gets totally overwhelmed in a ‘typical party’ environment. Mine would.

Absolutely nothing to do with cost.

But as others have said, it’s also fine to decline it with a polite ‘thanks for the invite but we are unable to make it this time’
Continue to enjoy your meet-ups, and wait for those soft play party invites to roll in in their masses in just a years time.

I’m totally with you - that’s not a party. It’s a playdate in a park. Which is fine but don’t be calling it a party. We went to a similar one and the whole time my 4 year old kept asking “when was the party going to start”. For a party I expect food, entertainment, games, music etc.

we went to a great park one after Covid. Full on party games (musical statues etc) , picnic provided by hosts who also brought a speaker, blankets and drinks for adults. They set up right next to playground and did games, then all kids went on playground and then did food and cake and more games. Was a fab, well thought out, cheap party.

repeat - a couple of kids in a field is not a party!

Yes, you’re being unreasonable. And a dick to be honest. But you already know that. Not sure of the purpose of this post???

It is rude to leave. But, see my post above, I think the hosts lose the right to make judgements on what's right or not when they fail to provide adequate things to do. I am perfectly capable of entertaining my children for 2 hours on a patch of grass but my goodness it's exhausting, round after round of peekaboo, horse rides, you be the horse now, chase, tickles. Constant effort required on my part. I go to parties so they're entertained without my input!

Totally agree with you OP. We went to a 5yo's birthday party recently where it was on a bit of grass and to play with there was: a paddling pool, a tiny tray of sand and a beanbag throwing game. I tried to ask if we could take some other toys out the birthday person's house. One parent said yes, the other no, birthday child kicked off. That was it. For THREE HOURS! My 1 and 3yo were delighted by each thing as they discovered it, for 5 mins. They do not have a long attention span. Nor does any child of that age and I am bewildered why people seem to be falling over themselves here to claim their kids would be focussed playing for hours with just that. If there had been a playground in sight, well I'm not sure I would've bothered with the inevitable tantrums had I said no and probably just gone to play.

45 minutes is too far and a massive ask. I would decline on that before any other reason. Sounds like a day out rather than a party and so boring for a 45 minute journey.

I hated and was absolutely useless at organising my kids' birthday parties, and when they did go okay it was more by luck than judgement. So I'm not criticising your not very close friend's efforts but all the same I wouldn't go. It might be different if your kids were all regular playmates, or if you had reason to feel you ought to be supportive of her, but as it is - no. Unless you maybe want to make a picnic of it on your own family's account and just swoop by the party incidentally.

So you got labeled snobby judgey and rude in the first post and it’s been one post after another affirming how awful you are for criticizing a party.
i agree op it’s very low effort. I would not drive 45 min for that party I would not pay to park to sit in a field. The mum seems unimaginative to me because there are many simple games you can research and organize to facilitate a feeling of a special day and celebrating the birthday child. No need for high end entertainment but most parties aren’t “go play kids” . There is a culture around parties irregardless of the age or event which is little something more a little more special day
simple food ? Bought food? Sure but how about some fruit some chocolate milk some cut up carrots and vegetables to round it out?
only a few invites? All the more reason to do a little extra because there aren’t many to “do” for.
don’t go don’t feel bad about not going or the time of this thread and save your oetrol and time for something your dc will enjoy

Bit of a pile on the OP. She is being honest on how she feels and trusts us to get that. You could say the pile on is judgmental!
So what about the issue?: 1) they are not close friends, 2) it is presumptuous to expect people drive that far for a party and if they do make that enormous effort you expect something special at the destination. I guess the destination is much liked by the host, for whatever reason that might be, that is not shared by OP. And then there is the fact it is quite an intimate party, just hosts and one other guest family. All seems very odd. It sounds as if the host wants to have a closer relationship with OP and perhaps thinks there is one. Well sadly that is not true. So small a party that a refusal would be hurtful. It’s a bit puzzling.
OP you are grumpy and don’t want to go and are reaching out for reasons why you are right. It's a shame you don’t like the host and her family more because then it would be fun and not an irritating chore.
i can’t imagine making such demands on acquaintances to celebrate my child’s birthday. But times have changed. I’ll never forget being told off by a mother for not making my children’s party longer as coming back to collect her after only a couple of hours was too much to expect. It was just me and the kids, I volunteered at a playgroup I knew how long the attention spans of preschoolers were. I still have not forgotten it. It was a full on two hours, it wasn’t for adults. Sometimes I’d have another adult doing it with me. All the prizes were prepared beforehand. I suppose no one does parties like that anymore, it’s seems to be all about hosting the other parents!, I’d much rather host kids. (And after that I always stretched it to two and half hours.)
Back to the thoughtless host and grumpy invitee.. no idea …depends where they live ….a 45 minute drive in urban areas can be horrid. Need to know more to begin to understand.

I take my dogs walking in a woods which often hosts kids parties in different areas. The kids always seem like they're having a good time just running around playing, even where there's toys provided.

If its a similar place then you don't pay an entrance fee but you do pay for parking unless you have a membership.

I think you are fine to duck out if it's going to be a chore. If the weather is decent and you'll have an enjoyable catch then go, but if not, maybe it is a sign that your friendship has run its course.

So take a walk with your kids to the wood or something near by if they're bored. Or take a few balls etc yourself.

I've just spent a couple of hours with my toddler in the park today, with a teddy bear and a couple of his cars. He was quite happy running around playing with me and my dad, looking at the dogs doing by, waving to people. We looked at plants, flowers etc. Played games like peekaboo and chase.

By all means don't go, but there really isn't anything wrong with the sort of party you've described. Really baffled as to what sort of entertainment a 1 and 3 year old could possibly need?!

SHE sounds like a twat?! Pot, meet kettle.

If you don't want to go then you don't have to go but you sound like a twat.

YANBU and some of these answers make me laugh, my favourite so far being "how sad that you'd find a party in nature boring". Although expecting a 1 and 3 year old to keep themselves occupied with no parental input for 20 mins or more is also and interesting take! Jesus Christ

Just decline and say you have plans. I would.

My kids love those type of parties. At preschool age you don't need super complicated games. If you don't like the games bring a few of your own.
We usually have a few hula hoops, bubble wands and bubble juice, balls of various sizes, toys for various ages. We also have a couple of teen family members that attend and they set up games and races for the kids. I also don't do goodie bags. One year we gave each child one of the toys that we had been playing with, another year it was soccer balls etc.
So as long as the kids are having fun, I'm happy.
As for food, we just bring some things that can be eaten on the go as most littles don't really want to sit and eat anyway.

Honestly mines happiest when she’s pelting around a park or picking up stones and sticks in a nature park. Most 3yr olds can’t focus for shit either, I remember trying to get mine to watch a magician at that age, I had to feed her popcorn to stop her form getting up and wandering off. Think letting them loose outside is a pretty good idea. You generally have to supervise your own 3yr old anyway so it’s no big deal.

Party bags are full of plastic shite and I wish we could just ban the bloody things. Nothing wrong with a few sandwichs and some squash. I’d be perfectly happy to attend a party like this.

45 minute drive is a pain in the ass though.

It sounds like a great party but of course you don’t have to go.

45 mins away alone is crazy at least in my experience .. my dc are 11 and 13 so I have been to dozens of parties and none more than 20 mins away.

I agree the party sounds like hard work for the parents with kids that age. I took my kids to a few parties like that and it was hard work and didn't feel like a party to us - but they were local and dd's close friend. I don't think I'd make that effort for a not very good friend. Looking back, I wish I'd not felt obliged to go to so many parties!

It's very personal judging from responses here - but in any case YANBU to turn down an invite when the kids are so little and not likely to care either way.

Agreed.

WOW, and WOW!!!
I would not want to invite you to my party.
First of all, the low-key parties are the best because they actually teach children to spend time with their friends and be happy without too much fanfare.
Second, it's not your place to judge.
Third, how rude. We were the most skint when our children went to private school. It is an utter misconception that parents sending children to private school are more loaded. In our case, we just never went on holiday really, and economised in many other ways.

You said there was food - sandwiches and cake is plenty

Kids should definitely be able to entertain themselves for longer than 20 minutes with a parachute, bean bags, all that outdoor space.

Frankly it's a sad state of affairs if they can't...

If it doesn't suit, be busy.
It's an invitation.
I never felt obligated to accept, especially when they were young.