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Original poster

To think think this is now becoming disrespectful?

304 replies

JustSamantha · 23/08/2025 03:53

so I wrote a post a while ago about my daughter who is 19.
She was not helping round the house or doing anything and also being disrespectful
she has since got an apprentiship that She started this week which is a Positive thing but She is still being disrespectful.
The other week She messaged from her room saying she got her exam Results but She had Failed and That she was so upset and doesnt know what to do. Now with me being half asleep I replied saying "well yoU Skipped Countless lessons so it is not a supprise' as the background is that she didn't try at college she kept skipping lessons not revising or studying at home ect so it was already a sore topic as it is
She then came to me when I was still half asleep and said "I passed really " so I told her i dont beleive she did as I was confused as she just told me she failed plus she has previously lied about passing things before when she didn't
Anyway she fell out with me saying I wasn't showing I was proud she passed so I said sorry I didn't show as much joy as I maybe should have but she told me she failed at first and my brain was still processing that. I hate these pranks it causes confusion to me but at least I apologised and recognised I should have taken the joke but I was half asleep as it was very early. Anyway she won't accept my apology and is giving the silent treatment saying' dad was right about you " I see right through you now" " you will never change"
Her dad degraded me a lot in front of the kids and to them.He told them a Lot of bad things about me that was not true so I am already the bad guy so any tiny mistake I make she will hold a grudge for months and I genuinely have to beg for forgiveness. It takes months to get her to be ok with me over minor things, I ask her to tidy-up after herself she says oh the other kids don't have to even though they are just kids she's 19 so then she will message her dad telling him I treat her differently so I no longer ask her to do anything in the house. She won't even wash her own plate, she today wanted to rub salt in the wounds by saying her and her dad have lunch together on her breaks at her apprentiship. Making digs like oh ill be giving my dad 600 pound of my wages to my dad to save and manage for me as he looks out for me
I asked her dad to have her living with him but he ignored me email, I asked her to move in with her dad she ignores me, am I being unreasonable to think she's taking things too far and I'm not in the wrong to be upset?

OP posts:
LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 23/08/2025 04:37

Your response to the exam text was horrible. It sounds like you are both as bad as each other.

GarlicLitre · 23/08/2025 04:31

She told you she failed her exams and was upset. You responded by saying you weren't surprised because she's useless. Nice.

I imagine she did this knowing you wouldn't show any faith in her. It was immature, but she is immature. You're her adult. Sounds like you've got into the habit of telling her everything that's wrong with her - I understand that the background means you've got hurt feelings so you're kind of biting back, but is this healthy for anyone in the family or helpful to her?

I don't know whether it's too late to turn this around now, but I'd give it a go if I were you - like an adult. Try and understand that being told they're always failing makes young people feel it's not even worth trying to succeed. See if you can help her - and yourself. Good luck.

butterfly1234 · 23/08/2025 04:20

The other week She messaged from her room saying she got her exam Results but She had Failed and That she was so upset and doesnt know what to do. Now with me being half asleep I replied saying "well yoU Skipped Countless lessons so it is not a supprise'

Your relationship shounds unhealthy on both sides. Of course she was going to be upset with your response. It doesn't sound like a bad idea sending her to live with her dad. Why is she/he choosing not to?

cinnamonbunlover · 23/08/2025 04:18

sympathies op she sounds completely intolerable. She is almost bullying you? Goading about her dad and “pranking” you which I hate - I don’t get pranks or “kidding” at all.

she needs to start paying rent for a start now she has a job. 33% for the first 6 months sounds reasonable? If she manages this she can the reduce to 25%

She needs to cook her own food and wash her own clothes (not always practical I realise) and keep her room clean and tidy and not have her stuff all over the house.

stop paying for anything like phones or gym.

in think your response was fair to the exams failure. I really think you need to have sit down and chat with the other kids out of the way about the new rules and she simply cannot be rude and disrespectful to the person who houses her and of course loves her.

A positive thing to do have a look at her wages together and help her plan for the next year. Saving so much for a holiday and Xmas. What does she want - a car or driving lessons? Help her save towards it. You can charge her rent and save it for her future or use it.

This will be a nice thing to do together. How much she will have each month to spend on herself without burning through the whole lot (like I did)

Whether or not she will be receptive is a different matter.

if not she needs to find her own place. ideally her dads. Keep emailing him!