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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It’s a stepparenting and inheritance one

36 replies

ClawsMcGaws · 22/08/2025 23:55

Basic history: unmarried, he has children from first marriage, we have one together.

He has a very significant inheritance coming later in life but currently nothing in the bank. I have paid for our deposit, I have scant savings and a higher salary, but I’ll get slim to no inheritance. SC will inherit from their mother; our child won’t get much from my family but I hope to provide. DP and I own a mortgaged house (90% ownership to me, because he has previously crossed the line with cheating) and currently split bills 50/50. In the past I’ve paid significantly more, he didn’t contribute to maternity leave, etc.

He wants to get married now, split the housing deeds 50/50 and pay proportionate to earnings. I don’t feel that’s protecting myself and my child. AIBU?

OP posts:
SpikeGilesSandwich · 23/08/2025 00:22

Definitely trust your gut and protect the interests of your child, whatever you decide, that should come first.

iamnotalemon · 23/08/2025 00:22

sorry, what does you owning 90% and him cheating have anything to do with it, or has he given you a higher percentage as an apology?

Thedogscollar · 23/08/2025 00:19

For the cheating alone I'd be out of that relationship.

Original poster
ClawsMcGaws · 23/08/2025 00:19

Sunnyxo · 23/08/2025 00:17

I think marry if you wish to and the romantic sentiment and right reasons are there, but maintain the housing as is with a prenup, I would explain to him given the previous cheating actions you’re being realistic and practical in worse case scenario. On the flip side though, you could argue should you be marrying one another if there’s the above aspect of not wanting to be equal and the trust not fully there, it’s a difficult one.

I don’t think prenups are legally binding in the UK, unfortunately.

OP posts:
Sunnyxo · 23/08/2025 00:17

I think marry if you wish to and the romantic sentiment and right reasons are there, but maintain the housing as is with a prenup, I would explain to him given the previous cheating actions you’re being realistic and practical in worse case scenario. On the flip side though, you could argue should you be marrying one another if there’s the above aspect of not wanting to be equal and the trust not fully there, it’s a difficult one.

Original poster
ClawsMcGaws · 23/08/2025 00:11

I guess what clouds my judgement is that when he inherits, I’d be significantly better off if we later split. But that seems very mercenary and I am financially capable of taking care of myself.

I’d love to be married but the cheating makes me feel I can’t fully trust him.

OP posts:
ImGoingUpstairsToTakeOffMyHat · 23/08/2025 00:10

TBH I’d just dump him.

Cheating AND trying to nab your money?

Fuck that

arethereanyleftatall · 23/08/2025 00:08

There doesn’t seem to be very much to like about this man op.

Original poster
ClawsMcGaws · 23/08/2025 00:06

Right now it feels like me and our child have everything to lose. From his perspective he wants to “be a family” but that means my money going to SC, and if we split before he inherita, me losing out.

OP posts:
Hoardasurass · 23/08/2025 00:02

Don't do it

KrisAkabusi · 23/08/2025 00:00

I bet he does!!

FFS.