To want my sister to have DD if the worst should happen?

None of them sound suitable at this moment. Just put "a close family member" in the will and update as needed.

What a waste of an argument!!

What do settling in meetings mean in this context? If both parents died the child would straight away go and live with whoever was in the will or other family members, they wouldn't be taken into foster care with strangers if there were family members happy to look after her.
The family court would presumably be involved in due course to establish who would have legal responsibility.

@carrotcakeagain is right. Make sure that you have decent life insurance too.

Have you included funds to cover the costs of raising your child too?

How old is the kid in all this? You asked her who she wants to live with if her mum and dad were killed??

OP, I can't help with the choice between your sister and sister in law but you do need to know that testamentary guardians acquire Parental Responsibility upon the death of both parents. (Contrary to what some PP have said.)

This means that the TG makes decisions for the child as if they were the parent. Only if the TG is making poor decisions or needs help from Social Services would a SW become involved.

You & partner could name different TG in your wills but then the outcome in the event you and your child's father died is that the instructions given in the will of the second person to die are followed.

If you both name both sisters they will share PR. In that case, the aunts will need to agree what is in your child's best interests at the time of your demise - leaving them the flexibility to do what is best for the child at that time depending on all the circumstances. If the aunts cannot agree the family court will decide.

Not true.

SS wouldn't allow that to happen without background checks.

And if those checks were ok and the kids were happy to go to that person, there would still be many settling in meetings after that.

I was speaking to someone this morning actually who was in a fairly similar position.

We couldn't agree on this either. DP wanted her sister, I wanted my brother and SIL. So we both put all of them in their wills. In the end, you're not really nominating who you want your kid to live with, but who you want to make the decisions about your child's life.

We both trusted each others families to make the best decisions for DD, just disagreed on who'd be able to give her the better life, so we essentially decided to take that decision out of our hands. If we'd died, my brother and SIL would have discussed, with age appropriate input from DD, and made the decision that made sense at the time

If we'd died when DD was little, then my brother would probably have ended up taking her, as SIL wasn't in a great financial position, and had caring responsibilities for and elderly relative. If we'd died when DD was older, DD would likely have ended up staying with SIL, as my brother lives half the country away and DD wouldn't have wanted to uproot her life in our home town.

DD turns 18 in a couple of months, so luckily never had to find out what would have happened in reality.

If DD had just lost her parents then I think it would be in her best interests to live with the person she has the closest relationship with.

We have similar arguments here. In reality my parents are the best choice, DH’s sister would be the best choice if she didn’t live halfway across the world! But she does and it would uproot DS’ life too much.

My DBro asked me to take his son in the scenario but as awful as it sounds DNephew have very severe SEN requiring a high level of care that I’m not able to give due to my own illness, and if the worst were to happen I don’t think I could safely look after him.

I'm in my sister's will for her sons, and would gladly take them, but I would need the support of her in laws, who do more care of them than I do (but would be quite old to be caring for two young boys full time).

I would write that you'd like either sister to take them on, but include a personal letter to both sisters explaining that you'd like them to be very involved in caring for and raising your child regardless of who is primary carer?

I would insist on my sister. Particularly if your DH has has issues with his own. Being single does not mean she can’t look after your child

Surely you speak to them both and ask them? I mean, they probably have their own thoughts on this...

My children are 26 and 19 and neither are at home anymore. So I wouldn't be too impressed if my brother nominated me to have my 13 year old niece without any consultation beforehand!

A 3 year old? I'd definitely want to be consulted before it was written into a Will!

If the worst happened to my sister, I would want to have her children. Regardless of if I’m single etc.

Have you actually asked either sister? One or both of them may not want the responsibility

Don't travel in cars together to reduce risk of this.

I agree with you that both sets of parents are too old to be nominated.

Circumstances change over time, and so having two options for guardians is a real positive. I would nominate both sisters, and if the worst happened, allow them to discuss between themselves.

The "she has actually had experience of raising a child" argumentndoesn't make any sense. Op and her dh didn't have any experience of raising a child until they had their dd. Like all first time parents.

Op just write "in the event of our deaths custody of our daughter should go to either dhsis or mysis".

It sounds like if your dsis wasn't able to have her then you agree dh sis would be the next best choice so it's not as though you're throwing her to the wolves.

Once dd gets a bit older you could even ask her, and can evaluate every few years- e.g. if your dsis has kids and realised she doesn't have capacity for another, either of them move away or become ill, etc.

Yes. Most couples die in car accidents. It's often the case that one will live for a while afterwards. So the child isn't picked up from school etc and SS have to be informed. This is were living wills come into play. Ehoever the oarents want should have a copy of that. SS will want continuity, so whoever can provide that, is known best to the child and the child has an obvious attachment to, will be approved. Then another relative pops up. The challenge gets taken to court and residency/kinship care approved. If that is before other legal matters are settled, then it will be temporary and another hearing set. The family court will always be involved.

SS wouldn’t get involved normally (unless they had to for a reason), they child would go to who was named in the will, if someone was named (and assuming that person then didn’t decline to have the child).

We did the same as @CarolineKnappShappeyShipwright. I’m an only so we asked two of DH’s siblings if they’d be happy to be listed as potential guardians.

Their situations have changed over time so we’ve updated the potential guardians a couple of times-luckily DH is from a large family!

@Bedtelly I do appreciate your concerns about your SIL’s bf whom you don’t know. One of DH’s sisters married someone whose judgement we couldn’t trust so we had to remove her as a potential guardian.

What about putting in your will that you want your sister and his sister to decide between them who is in a better position at the time, should the worst happen?

You can state that your preference is your sister and he his, but ultimately what you want is the person in the best position, and why is willing at the time, to take her in.

who We have thought is the best person to raise dd has changed with time. You may discover that as your child grows, the personal bond your child has with a particular aunt develops independent of your own relationship. It’s also possible that just based upon your child’s personality, one relative might have a better parenting style over another.

If neither of you is thrilled with the boyfriend, that is a huge reason not to list that sister as the first choice.

what I would do is agree to revisit the issue periodically. As life changes, you can always reorder your preference list.