Page 3 | Pants under skirt for 4 year old - DH and I disagree

Thatsnotmynamee · 2025-08-22T21:51:08+00:00

In short, I just had a weird conversation with DH. Our 4 year old daughter was wearing a dress with pants under it today. We were on a short ferry journey, it was pretty packed. When back at our campsite, I realised DH had made her put on shorts underneath. He later told me he had felt extremely uncomfortable on the ferry, that there are paedophiles everywhere and he cannot bear the thought of a photo of her ending up in the wrong hands. He also said he's already noticed men looking at her?? I was shocked, completely taken aback - my mind just does not go there, am I ridiculously naive? (I don't post photos of her online btw apart from my private Instagram and never exposed.) But I feel so grossed out by this, I wasn't able to discuss properly with DH. There's a part of me that wants to insist she doesn't need to wear shorts. Is he being rational?

cardibach · 23/08/2025 14:11

LizzyEm · 22/08/2025 23:03

Why isn't it weird when mothers do it then?

In this day and age, I think op is naive and I'm with the father here. Better to be safe that sorry. Why on earth wouldn't you?

Edited

Safe from what? A paedophile will look regardless. They just reinforce the idea that women and girls need to dress ‘modestly’ to prevent men’s lust. It’s nonsense. And pretty dangerous nonsense too.

arcticpandas · 23/08/2025 14:11

InTheRW · 23/08/2025 08:01

Yep, and some of the detailed descriptions here of what can be seen under pants will be appealing to the base interests of some of the readership no doubt. Ugh.

Show quote history

I don't think child molesters are wasting their time scrolling down MN threads for key words when there are millions of images and videos online for them on the net.

HerecomesMargo · 23/08/2025 13:58

As kids to, would you be totally fine with her sitting with her legs wide apart with her underwear for everyone to see?
I have a dd as well and always use short tights underneath.

do you want to be the parent with the child fully displayed at the school play? That’s what happened at our class play, one little girl with her underwear on display and unfortunately had some wedgie going on , so something was visible. Her parents were bright red with embarrassment.

Midnights68 · 23/08/2025 13:51

Flamingfeline · 23/08/2025 10:12

Of course you should be able to post a thread for support.
I did ask mumsnet to look at it, I said you were absolutely a genuine poster but that I doubted whether a few of the subsequent posters were - for the reasons you say. Some of them struck me as really unpleasant.
Thinking about the specific issue further, I’m sure that kids (girls’) underwear used to be a lot more businesslike until maybe twenty years ago. Everything has become more sexualised . And all of us are confused about how to protect children and also promote their independence.

Show quote history

And also I think people should be aware when posting on this kind of thread that perverts use Mumsnet for wanking fodder and to be mindful about the information they share in response.

Flamingfeline · 23/08/2025 13:38

CharlotteRumpling · 23/08/2025 10:50

DH was looking at a little girl in the park the other day. Because she reminded him of our DD at that age.

He's a brown man so I told him to look away quick, given the current scaremongering. We are Gen X parents.
It is indeed a terrible world now.

Show quote history

That’s heartbreaking

ladycardamom · 23/08/2025 12:25

I actually agree with him. Camera phones are everywhere.

BlackeyedSusan · 23/08/2025 11:06

Shorts definitely.

You never know who is about, sadly.

JudgeJ · 23/08/2025 11:03

ThePerkyEagle · 23/08/2025 06:01

I came here to say the same thing. I wouldn’t feel comfortable if my daughter was running around with a dress on and her underwear was on show.

Show quote history

Maybe we need to go back to the 50s and 60s with voluminous school knickers, passion killers as we called them! Surely if a girl is wearing suitable pants then shorts are not needed, can't recall it being a problem years ago, I'm sure that 'next week's washing' was occasionally visible too.

CharlotteRumpling · 23/08/2025 11:00

Thatsnotmynamee · 23/08/2025 10:57

Oh no, that's so sad that you felt you had to tell him to look away. I'm sorry!
If I see someone looking at DD or DS, I just think my kids are probably annoying them 😬 or maybe that they're being cute. I can honestly say I've never thought PAEDO. I'm still struggling with that bit from DH

Show quote history

I just used to think my kids were annoying or loud! One of them was a terror.

Original poster

Thatsnotmynamee · 23/08/2025 10:57

CharlotteRumpling · 23/08/2025 10:50

DH was looking at a little girl in the park the other day. Because she reminded him of our DD at that age.

He's a brown man so I told him to look away quick, given the current scaremongering. We are Gen X parents.
It is indeed a terrible world now.

Show quote history

Oh no, that's so sad that you felt you had to tell him to look away. I'm sorry!
If I see someone looking at DD or DS, I just think my kids are probably annoying them 😬 or maybe that they're being cute. I can honestly say I've never thought PAEDO. I'm still struggling with that bit from DH

OP posts:

CharlotteRumpling · 23/08/2025 10:50

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 23/08/2025 10:44

He is noticing men looking at your daughter? How does he know they aren't looking because 4 year olds are funny / cute / she reminds them of their daughter etc? People naturally look at little kids

Also what did he think she would be doing on a ferry to expose her underwear?

DH was looking at a little girl in the park the other day. Because she reminded him of our DD at that age.

He's a brown man so I told him to look away quick, given the current scaremongering. We are Gen X parents.
It is indeed a terrible world now.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 23/08/2025 10:44

He is noticing men looking at your daughter? How does he know they aren't looking because 4 year olds are funny / cute / she reminds them of their daughter etc? People naturally look at little kids

Also what did he think she would be doing on a ferry to expose her underwear?

LittleBearPad · 23/08/2025 10:38

Thatsnotmynamee · 23/08/2025 10:34

She was on his shoulders on the ferry at one point, but not clambering about apart from going up and down the mad stairs.
And no, he didn't interrupt the day we talked later on. He tends to be anxious and panic (and was brought up by a very paranoid parent), so I think I've got into the unfortunate habit of minimising issues :/ I'm a boomer parent at heart. I'm going to take his concerns on board though, as much as possible without going insane.

Sounds very sensible OP. Sorry I didn’t mean to imply she was actually physically unsafe but I couldn’t really understand how on a ferry, he thought her pants would or could be on display. Ferries aren’t very playful places.

I like the Boomer parent idea. I’m probably the same or at least generation X!

RememberBeKindWithKaren · 23/08/2025 10:37

God what a world we live in
.You have to keep.a.bit of perspective here Op. Lots of years til she's a teenager, and then an adult.

Original poster

Thatsnotmynamee · 23/08/2025 10:34

She was on his shoulders on the ferry at one point, but not clambering about apart from going up and down the mad stairs.
And no, he didn't interrupt the day we talked later on. He tends to be anxious and panic (and was brought up by a very paranoid parent), so I think I've got into the unfortunate habit of minimising issues :/ I'm a boomer parent at heart. I'm going to take his concerns on board though, as much as possible without going insane.

OP posts:

Letstheriveranswer · 23/08/2025 10:32

When I was young (1970's) and also when my kids were young (1990's), girls knickers were bigger, came almost up to the belly button, wider gusset and firm elastic around legs.

From what I have seen in passing in shops, these days it looks like more bikini style knickers are being sold, made to look cute rather than being functional.

Both boys and girls can learn at a young age that nobody needs to see their pants and be helped by wearing secure underwear.

Not even related to potential paedophiles, just because it's polite to keep covered.

LittleBearPad · 23/08/2025 10:29

CharlotteRumpling · 23/08/2025 10:09

Troll hunting is banned.
Why does the husband need to be shown the thread?
I might have said " Lets put shorts under DDs dress so she can clamber about or in case of a breeze'. Not " Men are looking at her wherever we go". That's overkill, IMO

I’d be more worried about a child clambering around on a ferry. What was she likely to be able to do safely that needed shorts under her dress. There’s no space for cartwheels, handstands etc and climbing the railings is not a good plan!

Letstheriveranswer · 23/08/2025 10:23

CharlotteRumpling · 22/08/2025 23:56

No, but do you go for a family day out and tell your wife that men are looking at your 4 yr old? To the park or the zoo or a restaurant? There are men everywhere looking at all sorts.

Maybe my DH is particularly oblivious or thick. I am not accusing OP's DH of anything but extreme anxiety, to be clear.

Show quote history

He didn't interrupt the day out to tell his wife that men were looking at their daughter. She later noticed their DD had shorts under her skirt and asked him why they had been added.

GingerBeverage · 23/08/2025 10:15

Shorts are fine.

Flamingfeline · 23/08/2025 10:12

Thatsnotmynamee · 23/08/2025 09:54

Why shouldn't I post a thread for support? It's not like I've pasted in photos is it? If you're hinting that I'm a troll just say it, no need for little hints babe.
Sorry to all who are troubled by this thread, I had no idea it was such a very common and dodgy topic on aibu. I don't need to hear people talking about what you can possibly see through gaping leg holes or whatever, and feel a bit shit that I've apparently started some kind of paedos dream thread when I just wanted to ask about an issue with DH 🫠

Show quote history

Of course you should be able to post a thread for support.
I did ask mumsnet to look at it, I said you were absolutely a genuine poster but that I doubted whether a few of the subsequent posters were - for the reasons you say. Some of them struck me as really unpleasant.
Thinking about the specific issue further, I’m sure that kids (girls’) underwear used to be a lot more businesslike until maybe twenty years ago. Everything has become more sexualised . And all of us are confused about how to protect children and also promote their independence.

CharlotteRumpling · 23/08/2025 10:09

Troll hunting is banned.
Why does the husband need to be shown the thread?
I might have said " Lets put shorts under DDs dress so she can clamber about or in case of a breeze'. Not " Men are looking at her wherever we go". That's overkill, IMO

funtafor · 23/08/2025 10:06

Thatsnotmynamee · 23/08/2025 09:54

Why shouldn't I post a thread for support? It's not like I've pasted in photos is it? If you're hinting that I'm a troll just say it, no need for little hints babe.
Sorry to all who are troubled by this thread, I had no idea it was such a very common and dodgy topic on aibu. I don't need to hear people talking about what you can possibly see through gaping leg holes or whatever, and feel a bit shit that I've apparently started some kind of paedos dream thread when I just wanted to ask about an issue with DH 🫠

Show quote history

You can always ask for it to be deleted rather than "feeling shit"

If it's genuine, do show your husband the thread. It will be enlightening.

funtafor · 23/08/2025 10:05

Thatsnotmynamee · 23/08/2025 09:54

Why shouldn't I post a thread for support? It's not like I've pasted in photos is it? If you're hinting that I'm a troll just say it, no need for little hints babe.
Sorry to all who are troubled by this thread, I had no idea it was such a very common and dodgy topic on aibu. I don't need to hear people talking about what you can possibly see through gaping leg holes or whatever, and feel a bit shit that I've apparently started some kind of paedos dream thread when I just wanted to ask about an issue with DH 🫠

Show quote history

babe

CharlotteRumpling · 23/08/2025 10:00

Thatsnotmynamee · 23/08/2025 09:54

Why shouldn't I post a thread for support? It's not like I've pasted in photos is it? If you're hinting that I'm a troll just say it, no need for little hints babe.
Sorry to all who are troubled by this thread, I had no idea it was such a very common and dodgy topic on aibu. I don't need to hear people talking about what you can possibly see through gaping leg holes or whatever, and feel a bit shit that I've apparently started some kind of paedos dream thread when I just wanted to ask about an issue with DH 🫠

Show quote history

I don't think you are a troll and I still think the way he framed it is odd, though in principle I have no problem with boy shorts under dresses.

Original poster

Thatsnotmynamee · 23/08/2025 09:57

Yeah, he says he watched something about this, it may have been that video @DontStopMeNowGoodTime

OP posts: