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Original poster

Pants under skirt for 4 year old - DH and I disagree

286 replies

Thatsnotmynamee · 22/08/2025 22:51

In short, I just had a weird conversation with DH. Our 4 year old daughter was wearing a dress with pants under it today. We were on a short ferry journey, it was pretty packed. When back at our campsite, I realised DH had made her put on shorts underneath. He later told me he had felt extremely uncomfortable on the ferry, that there are paedophiles everywhere and he cannot bear the thought of a photo of her ending up in the wrong hands. He also said he's already noticed men looking at her?? I was shocked, completely taken aback - my mind just does not go there, am I ridiculously naive? (I don't post photos of her online btw apart from my private Instagram and never exposed.)
But I feel so grossed out by this, I wasn't able to discuss properly with DH. There's a part of me that wants to insist she doesn't need to wear shorts. Is he being rational?

OP posts:
LizzyEm · 22/08/2025 23:03

Why isn't it weird when mothers do it then?

In this day and age, I think op is naive and I'm with the father here. Better to be safe that sorry. Why on earth wouldn't you?

Pepperedpickles · 22/08/2025 23:02

HateThese4Leggedbeasts · 22/08/2025 23:01

The lunchtime supervisors at my dds school tell my 5 yo and 8yo to do this so when they are playing no one sees their pants. I feel quite conflicted about it as I don't particularly want their underwear on show (obviously!) but also think it's over sexualising small girls and making them more self conscious than they need to be when running and jumping around a playground. Particularly a playground that isn't visible to the public at all.

My very rule abiding older daughter is particularly rigid about it in case she gets told off if she doesn't do it.

I think this is really sad. It makes girls feel so self aware far too early and makes it their responsibility to police the behaviours of adults - which is wrong. But then I am mid 40s and come from the generation where we did PE in our knickers and vests a lot of the time!

HateThese4Leggedbeasts · 22/08/2025 23:01

The lunchtime supervisors at my dds school tell my 5 yo and 8yo to do this so when they are playing no one sees their pants. I feel quite conflicted about it as I don't particularly want their underwear on show (obviously!) but also think it's over sexualising small girls and making them more self conscious than they need to be when running and jumping around a playground. Particularly a playground that isn't visible to the public at all.

My very rule abiding older daughter is particularly rigid about it in case she gets told off if she doesn't do it.

Smartiepants79 · 22/08/2025 22:57

It’s a rather extreme reaction. Not something I’d have even considered. I agree with you.

CyanDreamer · 22/08/2025 22:57

he's already noticed men looking at her??

she's 4?
I would push that further, it's very weird.

There are A LOT of anxious parents putting shorts underneath little girl's dresses, usually mums but that's very common. If you are that bothered, why putting a dress on full stop, just stick to shorts. (when it's not school uniform obviously)

On that aspect, it's the same as all these parents, his comment is just a bit weird.

tripleginandtonic · 22/08/2025 22:57

FiveShelties · 22/08/2025 22:53

I would be seriously wondering why he thinks like that.

This. It's not normal to think of a child that way.

Pepperedpickles · 22/08/2025 22:56

He’s being ridiculous. Paedophiles are attracted to children because they are children, not whether they wear shorts under a dress or not. If they’re going to target a child or take photos it won’t make any difference. Your dd should be comfortable first and foremost and making her wear shorts under a dress during the summer is just going to make her self conscious and uncomfortable.

Ohlifelife · 22/08/2025 22:55

FiveShelties · 22/08/2025 22:53

I would be seriously wondering why he thinks like that.

I was just going to say something similar.
It sounds as though he himself is sexualising a four year old and that is very concerning.

LittleBearPad · 22/08/2025 22:55

He’s loopy.

FiveShelties · 22/08/2025 22:53

I would be seriously wondering why he thinks like that.

CharlotteRumpling · 22/08/2025 22:53

He's being ridiculously paranoid. Paedophiles on a ferry?