To not let ds13 out at night?

When my daughter was 10 she went to a sleepover party at a friends and her mum told me the next day how ‘funny‘ it was that the birthday girl and another couple of them sneaked out at 10pm and went to the park for a couple of hours. My daughter didn’t go as breaking the rules makes her super anxious but I was bewildered at how this mum thought it was all hilarious. Fast forward to now (3 years later) and I see this girl wandering around all hours of the night when I’m heading home or picking my daughter up after dance etc. I can only imagine what she’ll be up to in a couple of years.

I am sure sometimes I trend on the strict side so I check in with other parents regularly to see if I’m really far outside the norm - I have a lot of parenting anxiety and am trying hard not to show that to my kids. But I can’t see any scenario where 10 year olds hanging around the streets at midnight would be the goal.

You absolutely did the right thing, OP.

The sleepover parents are doubly nuts to allow this as they are in loco parentis of the other three boys. I’d be horrified if this was happening on a sleepover.

This is how 13 yos get into awful, life-changing situations.

Glad your son is OK about it today.

He's still a little boy. Once he go to 16, that's another story

For now listen to mum, keep low profile and play some gaming

Letting A 13 year old stay out that late is setting a child up for risk and harm. The only thing they’re doing is risky crap and the only outcome will be trouble. Give those boys a few years (maybe months) and 1am will turn into drinking, drugs and violence. They’ll find older boys at 1am and may well fall into organised crime. Youth gangs have grown a lot here (Aus) and it would be naive to not realise this is how it start.

Op would be getting your son away from this group. Their parents don’t know or don’t care. I’d they’re encouraging lying then they’ll be influencing your son in more serious and negative directions soon. I would also be worried about his tears. That’s a disproportionate reaction and suggests he’s already feeling a lot of pressure to conform.

That's insane there really is some shitty parents about and well done for not being one

You were right OP, thats far too late. I also wouldn't be happy with his friends encouraging him to lie. It's great that your son told you the truth.

My dd is nearly 15 and we live in a safe area in a small town and I wouldn't let her out until that time.
She has been allowed to stay out until 10am occasionally if she's at a friend's house or at the little park close to our house with sensible friends.

Yanbu 11pm is ridiculous for 12/13 year olds. If something happened the first thing everyone would say is where's their parents, why are they out so late.

I think the fact you are aware of this speaks volumes - you did it and presumably don't want the same for your son. I also used to drink, maybe 14 rather than 13, but I really wish I hadn't fallen in with that group and wish my parents had done more to guide me. I think it's important to remember that as a parent and do what you feel is best, rather than trying to be the cool parent.

I also wouldn't be happy. I think boys forget that men target anyone weaker than them when drunk, not just women and girls, and especially at night.

A group we know has got into smoking pot and drinking and sneaking out of houses in the dead of night. Terrifying for the parents but they seem to have no concept of the danger they put themselves in. I'd also worry about the damage to the growing brain and the increased likelihood of addiction proven from trying things at too young an age has.

You're not wrong. A 13 year old has no business out at 10, never mind 11pm. I'd ask him to rein in the drama too if he ever wanted to be outside again.

I’d have let him stay, given that he’s in a safe area!

You have to lengthen the apron strings sooner or later!

I have a 12 year old daughter and she’s not out after dark without an adult. We live in a city and there’s plenty that goes on during the day, she’s just not ready to handle it at night. I am sure I’m on the stricter side as I see her dance friends walking home at 9pm when I pick her up so your story isn’t exactly surprising but I’m sure you’re right.

I wouldn’t let DS stay out unsupervised but also wouldn’t have picked him up. Would have likely been sat outside the pub with a coke until they went in.

We let our kids out to the park late at that age, but we live in an isolated rural, safe area, kids are outdoors a lot, camping and fishing and so on. I wouldn't if they were by themselves.

That’s far too late for 13! I was in my bed asleep at 11 at that age lol! My DD12 is in for 7-7.30 on school nights and 8 in the holidays but the dark nights I say no later than 6 if she’s close by. X

No you are not strict.

Mine is 13. No way. Our area is rural. 9.30 on a very special occasion I have allowed ( exploring forest in the dark with friend).

I don't know any that would be ok with what you describe.

The crying over it sounds disproportionate. Because I can't believe many kids this age are allowed out in parks until 11 and he therefore feels incredibly hard done by.

His friends' parents are to me the anomoly, not you.

We have a field/playground literally behind our house, I would let DS and group of friends hang around on there until around 10pm, but I would want them in after that. They're usually happy enough to come back and just hang around in the garden if they dont want to actually come inside.
Saying that, in your situation I dont think I would go and pick him up and would probably let it go for that one night but explain its not a regular occurrence.