DS doesn't want to come home

I would contact social services and ask for help i do think he needs it as do you, tell them everything. I am.not in England but it sounds like he needs that assessment Pp are talking about.

You'd need to call social services and see what they suggest, surely? Or try and be onto the police maybe a community officer could have a stern word with him
Otherwise what can you do, wait until he's 16 and kick him out? Get him to join the territorial army? Lol
He can't stay at the farm if he's harassing other employees and has a shitty attitude so you'll have to get your dad to drop him back. If he keeps running away then so be it, you'll have to just keep being onto social services and the police or other local charities
There might be a local youth offending service or youth project you could refer him to. Wouldn't he be a county lines risk or prevent risk for his misogyny?

This sounds very difficult OP 😕

Given that he cannot stay with your Father and also given his behaviour towards his siblings (hitting his twin, destroying the younger one's toys etc), I would contact early help and social services and ask for an urgent assessment.
Out of hours/Bank holiday you should be able to contact MASH (Multi agency safeguarding hub) for your area - if you Google MASH <your area> you will find the number. If your dad brings him/tries and he runs away, contact the police.

When you speak to someone, explain the whole situation, everything that has happened, police involvement etc.

He sounds extremely troubled and there could be lots of reasons for that. The early help assessment should be useful.

It's worth also trying to contact school - lots of senior staff will be working/on their emails this week as we are getting ready for term starting.

You could also try your GP for support.

The school won't do online learning. He is obviously still registered there, so a decision will have to be made, and soon.

It’s also possible that he wants to stay not because it’s doing him any good, but because he has a fixation on his uncle’s girlfriend and doesn’t want to lose access to her.

That is also worth seriously considering, as unpleasant as it may be.

100% agree with this. Living and working on a farm might be just what he needs. Is there any way he could be home educated there? Would the school support by providing work packs/online learning? Or a fresh start at a local school?

What do you want us to say OP?

Poor you, you have done your best. You would be well within your rights to sack this project off and leave him at your Dad’s?

Lots of us have given you advice, empathy, kindness and options and you have immediately discounted everything without even trying.

Your kid is crying out for help. No matter how difficult is you don’t just give up. Pull it together, stop saying it won’t work and find a way to talk to him. Ask your Dad to help but don’t expect him to take over and deal with it. Your DS is 15, not fully cooked but you can have an intelligent conversation if you stopped looking at all the bad stuff that has happened and started asking how you can make it right. Tell him you want to work together and see where it goes.

Because no one ever deletes photos, or pretends to take them as a way of intimidating someone 🙄

This is a kid that had a known history of hostility towards women. He also had no business being around her that day at all.

Don't apologise! I'm amazed that it's not in place, school refusal and police intervention? I agree that's very strange that no intervention has happened.
I can't think why not.

A 15 year old can absolutely pose a threat to a 20 year old woman. He’s disdainful and hostile towards women, and has already been physically violent towards his twin. Why wouldn’t she uncomfortable around him?

What authority does OP have to override her here? It isn’t her farm, it’s her father’s, and her father believes the girlfriend and does not want his grandson there permanently. If OP wades in, accuses her of lying, and tells her to put up and shut up, how do you think that will go with her father and her brother?

She said he took photos of her. No photos were found.
She'd lie for all kinds of reasons. Sees him as a nuisance if nothing else.

Why would she lie?
She was on the opposite side of the farm and he was seen running back to his side. Come on. Be serious.

My apologies. I missed your post up-thread
Yes, I agree with you. And I'm surprised this isn't already actioned (if it isnt)
The lad can't stay with his grandfather, that's just so unfair.
The EHA and subsequent assistance, should be very useful

Yes, as I said upthread, that intervention should already be in place. It really needs to be.

So there’s no concrete proof of these photos being taken who do you believe? Has he taken photos of girls before and in what context are we talking was she doing something in particular to warrant a photo? Am assuming everyone is also assuming that said photos (if there are photos) were because of a pervy cause? Or… sorry I’m going off piste a bit here but is she something ‘different’ to look at was he taking the pee out of her appearance and she’s embarassed? If she’s claiming he was taking pictures she must be aware of what she was doing at that particular time. Did he catch her doing something?

Sorry so many questions about these supposed photos that nobody knows exist or not.

In terms of porn some people aren’t comfortable with it but I’m sure on 90% of boys/lads/mens phones there’s some sort of porn search.

Get an Early Help Assessment ASAP.

The obvious answer is to lean on whatever authorities might help him. If he is school refusing then the school will get the council involved. If he is doing petty criminality then the police will get involved. Between the two of them you engage with all the help they put your forward for and muddle through. Do you think he’s taking any drugs? Does he get pocket money?

why should your brother's girlfriend call the shots? Shes 20! Can't she stick up for herself with a 15 year old?

Maybe she IS lying because she doesn't want him on the farm.

I think you, as his mum, ought to override her and not allow her to dictate things and maybe tell lies.

He may want to stay, but he can’t. It isn’t on OP’s father to permanently house him at the expense of his son’s girlfriend, and indeed his son. He’s sexually harassed her and is continuing in his hostility towards her. OP’s father is also running a farm, which means he can’t supervise the kid when close supervision is absolutely necessary. ‘Imploring’ him to keep him there, and suggesting that the boy running the streets will be his fault if he doesn’t, is deeply unfair. The man has tried to help, but ultimately this is not his responsibility.

He's also giving my dad loads of attitude now because he doesn't need a babysitter (his words)and seems angry toward my brothers gf for”ruining things”

He sounds a very difficult and insecure teen. What do you think would work? Would being calm but blunt work? (“No, DS you ruined it and because of your behaviour your Grandparent now has to babysit you, and you’ve consequently ruined your chances of staying on the farm permanently. Stop blaming other people for your own failings. Being a teen is hard. I love you and want to support you as much as I can, but your behaviour is making this very hard. Far from being cool amongst your mates, they’re laughing at you behind your back. You are more than this, DS.”

The acting up and the showing off and the trying to be big/cool/funny/nonchalant are all signs of gross insecurity IMO. If he would behave and your dad agreed, leaving him on the farm might help him a lot.

It’ll always be someone else’s fault. Your brother’s girlfriend etc etc. He’s too immature (emotionally) to accept there are consequences for his actions. I agree that you become a VERY squeaky wheel and annoy the hell out of education & social services. They will definitely suggest he stays at the farm so you need to be 100% clear that he’s a liability there and has proven he cannot be trusted. So sorry that this is so bloody hard!

You must be getting Early Help services as a family? What intervention have they suggested?

Your troubled son is screaming for attention but the only way he gets it is by being 'bad'.

Somehow this loop needs to be broken.

He needs someone around who values him, praises him, shows him he has some worth.

There will be something he is Good at- some interest or hobby.
I suggest all the family he is in contact with tries to tap into that and engage with him.

Although you don't feel like it, he needs love, cuddles and praise.
Carry on like this and he will end up in prison eventually as he's already breaking the law.

It's really very very sad.

You can't expect him to change unless you- the adults- change.
This means ignoring some of the bad things and trying to show you care about him.

I've not read everything about your brother's girlfriend but suggest that sometimes some behaviour needs to be 'ignored' and everyone tries to move on in a more positive and constructive way.

Pushing him away is only going to make it worse. He'll end up in care if you can't find a way forwards.