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AIBU?

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To feel deflated about DIY kitchen makeover

664 replies

Malahala · 22/08/2025 11:06

We moved into our house almost a year ago. It hadn’t been updated in 40 years, but it’s in a great area, between two outstanding schools, and we managed to get it for £200k less than asking as the seller needed a quick sale. It’s a 4-bed with 2 bathrooms, 2 receptions, a separate kitchen and a utility room. It’s a fantastic investment and I still feel lucky to own it.

The reality is we maxed ourselves out buying it, so there’s no money left for big renovations or an extension. My DH doesn’t like the house — he would have preferred a “done” house — but we couldn’t afford that in this area and didn’t want to move elsewhere. His attitude is that everything should be done by professionals, but we can’t afford that either.

So over the past year I’ve been doing most of the work myself: stripping wallpaper, painting, redecorating etc. Recently I tackled the 40-year-old kitchen. We can’t afford new units, so I added panelling to the cupboard doors and painted them, replaced the cabinet handles, removed the lino as it was damaged, stripped wallpaper, painted the walls and the orange tiles, covered the worst tiles with panelling, and wrapped the worktops in vinyl. It’s not perfect — some of the cupboards don’t hang completely straight and need adjusting — but the difference is huge. Instead of a 40-year-old kitchen, it now looks more like a 10-year-old one.

The problem is DH doesn’t appreciate it. He still says the kitchen looks “old” and can’t see the point of me spending a few hundred pounds making it nicer. He hasn’t lifted a finger to help because he doesn’t do DIY, won’t ask FIL (apparently he will be critical because the panelling on the cabinets isn’t quite right) or his builder friend (friend will likely be “too busy”), so it’s all been left to me. His view is we need a new kitchen/extension, but realistically that’s not happening for at least 5 years. I’d rather make it more liveable now.

What’s making me doubt myself is other people’s reactions. A wealthy friend came round and just said, “so much change!” but not that it looked nice. MIL commented on how hard I’d worked rather than how good it looked. My mum loved it and thought a new tap, sink and dishwasher would make a big difference (and she went straight out and bought all of these for me) but she’s also my mum so not that objective. Now I’m worrying I’ve just “polished a turd” and made the kitchen worse, whereas I genuinely feel it’s a big improvement.

Here are the before and (nearly) after photos. They may take a while to load. Be brutally honest — have I done a decent job for a DIY upgrade, or does it look as bad as DH, friend and MIL seem to think? I’m worried I’m embarrassing myself by being so pleased with my efforts.

YABU - I agree with your DH, friend and MIL
YANBU - It looks nice!

To feel deflated about DIY kitchen makeover
To feel deflated about DIY kitchen makeover
OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
Stillreadingalot · 22/08/2025 12:21

I think you've done a great job. DIY is a learning process and you'll get better as you do more and gain in confidence. YouTube is fab - when I started doing DIY it didn't exist !
Why don't you ask your FIL to show you how to rehang doors/cabinets - most good DIYers are happy to share their knowledge

Bigbackbiscuits · 22/08/2025 12:21

Wow looks amazing OP, well done. You should be really proud of your efforts.

Your husband sounds like a misery guts.

CraftyYankee · 22/08/2025 12:21

For the window you can get a tension rod pretty inexpensively and hang a light cafe curtain off it, costs peanuts and looks elegant. Don't love the floor, if you can clean it up then great, otherwise peel and stick tiles or lino are pretty inexpensive.

It looks great! People who don't do diy themselves have no appreciation for the time and effort involved. I relaid flooring in our reception room, installed dado rails, repainted, and more. My DH praised the work at least! But no real understanding of the work involved. I get huge satisfaction from it and you should too!

Notellinganyone · 22/08/2025 12:20

The floor is fab do definitely keep that.

AngularMerkin · 22/08/2025 12:20

Wow that’s a great achievement! It looks SO much better. A lovely linen Roman blind to soften the window and a nice Boston fern or a cute little lamp would be the perfect finishing touches. Your husband sounds like a miserable, obstructive prick.

Nextdoortomeis · 22/08/2025 12:20

Well done OP
I'd be telling DH, Mil and anyone else with a horrible opinion to either keep it to themselves or piss off.

Notellinganyone · 22/08/2025 12:20

Huge difference! Well done you. Your husband sounds frustrating.

TheOpalReader · 22/08/2025 12:18

I think you've done a great job! I wouldn't listen to your husband, tell him he's more than welcome to help and/or do it himself.

SquirrelFan · 22/08/2025 12:18

I love the floor! Don't cover it with lino!
I think it is a huge improvement.

Montasaurus · 22/08/2025 12:18

A very ungrateful DH. I hate men like this.
You’ve done brilliantly.

CoffeeCantata · 22/08/2025 12:17

Wow and double wow, OP! That’s fantastic. I’ve tried to get better over the years but my DIY skills are very basic. So are my husband’s, and since we’ve never been high earners, we’ve had to put up with less than ideal decor.

I’m full of admiration for handy people, male or female. And jealous…😀

Daisypod · 22/08/2025 12:16

Do you think DH doesn’t want to ask fil as he’s worried fil will think he should’ve done it?
Donyou think fil will be overly critical? I definitely agree with asking him yourself, whenever I’ve asked family they’ve happily agreed to show me how to do things that they have knowledge of.

TwistedKeys · 22/08/2025 12:15

It looks miles better.

Dannydevitoiloveyourart · 22/08/2025 12:15

Malahala · 22/08/2025 11:37

Thanks everyone. You’re all making me a bit tearful - it’s taken over a month of finding time at work and at weekends here and there to do it plus 10s of hours spent on YouTube trying to learn how to do stuff. In all that time I haven’t had a single bit of proper praise from anyone (except my mum) and it was really getting me down.

@Daisyvodka i am upset at my DH and we had an argument about it last night (hence my post). But I’m more upset about the fact that he clearly thinks it’s not great and the reason he doesn’t want to ask FIL to help me straighten the cabinets is because he says FIL will criticise my work.

It’s sad I had to ask you all for your opinion but I was starting to feel silly and worrying I’ve developed DIY blindness!

I removed the old lino as it was damaged and they were covering the original quarry tiles. The tiles are also damaged, there’s a lot of newspaper print and glue residue on them. I’m currently researching how to get all of that off and try to get them looking nice without spending a lot of money!

I think your FIL will criticise him - that’s what he’s scared of. But that’s not your problem.

My husband also doesn’t like me asking his brother or father to help with things, because they would expect my husband to help. And would express that criticism to my husband without restraint (while also helping me).

I would ask your FIL directly. Your husband is within his right to refuse to help you (though I think that’s an unkind way to treat someone you live with, let alone your life partner). But he’s unreasonable to refuse to help and also forbid you from getting the help you need from elsewhere.

Maloobu · 22/08/2025 12:15

I think it looks great OP. You've given me inspiration to add our kitchen to our to do list.

I've recently done quite a big DIY job at home (and a lot of smaller ones) and my husband is basically mute on it. Its amazing imo, its saved us an absolute fortune and looks 100% better than what was there.
But hes let slip accidentally on his feelings on it - its making him feel bad that I did it and he didnt. He looks bad in front of family and friends, less manly because he can't do DIY.
That was all OK when none of us did DIY, but me doing it has bruised the fragile male ego.

I couldn't give a shit tbh. My two girls want to be a builder like Mummy. He'll just have to get over himself.

Badger17 · 22/08/2025 12:14

You bought a house you couldn’t really afford so the pair of you will just have to make do. I suspect your DH isn’t happy with this and wasn’t keen on the purchase from the outset.

Houses are no longer an investment. They are somewhere to live. You won’t make money out of them.

I would never stretch to purchase a house that needed work doing. The cost of decent refurbishment is huge and on the current economic situation you have a depreciating asset.

FatherFrosty · 22/08/2025 12:14

I think it looks great. You’ve done a brilliant job. Well done.

latetothefisting · 22/08/2025 12:12

Minxny · 22/08/2025 11:18

You've done a brilliant job. Your husband should just be saying "thank you". It belongs to a different decade. I wonder if the floor is maybe a bit marmite hence the mixed reviews?

If the cabinets are annoying you and cash allows, you could get a handy person to come and straighten them for you. It wouldn't take long/cost much and depending how wonky they are (photo doesn't show) it might help them feel more "expensive".

yes, if I put my hand up to cover the floor it looks absolutely amazing, but when looking at it as a whole I think the 'after' actually looks worse (sorry!), the red floor just looks completely different to everything else, making the whole kitchen looks unfinished. At least the 'before' was a cohesive albeit very dated kitchen where everything matched even if it didn't look good.

It would have been good to see the old flooring with everything else.

If you can put new fake wood flooring down (in a shade to match the vinyl wrapped countertops) I think it will look really good, and would absolutely believe it was a new kitchen.

I do agree with everyone else that your DH is a knob though. Rather than moaning at you, what does he actually want to do? Saying 'I want a brand new kitchen done by professionals' doesn't actually solve anything. Either he starts finding a way to make more money to get that done, or stops whining and works out a compromise rather than watching his wife slave away and then moan about the end result.

TryingAgainAgainAgain · 22/08/2025 12:11

I can’t believe that your DH didn’t lift a finger and then moaned at you. And the FIL sounds a joy too.

You sound way too resigned to your DH acting like a prick. Adults generally need to accept the situation they’re in (and have at least partly put themselves in) and muck in to make the best of it.

Raise your bar, OP. Apart from anything else what is it teaching your kids about relationships?

FigTreeInEurope · 22/08/2025 12:11

Lovely job that. It looks miles better. You can't expect it to be perfect if you're without experience. I rebuilt our house in Italy including a new roof and extension, all without previous experience. You get it wrong, until you get it right! It's an obvious improvement and shows you can work stuff out as you go along. Personally, I'd be embarrassed if my wife had done that, to that standard, and I hadn't lifted a finger. It's his house too.

HowMuchShouldBePaid · 22/08/2025 12:10

A "stop gap" solution for the doors would be a small nail hammered into just under where the door closes against the cabinet. When closing the door you basically just "lift" it up onto this nail so the bottom corner of the door is supported.

It doesn't have to be very big and is only seen if you really look for it.

If a small nail is an issue with DC in the house then glue/ screw on a very small bit of wood, paint it the cabinet colour. You soon get used to the "lift" when closing the door and it really does make a difference.

Horrace · 22/08/2025 12:08

You've done a cracking job.
We can't always have everything we want in one go. What you have done is the sensible option and your kitchen looks lovely. Dont let other peoples negativity get you down. Miserable lazy fuckers. I bet your husband is just embarrassed that he couldnt do it. Be proud of yourself.
Well done.

Vaxtable · 22/08/2025 12:08

It’s a good job.

TroysMammy · 22/08/2025 12:06

I'd be very happy about that, nothing wrong with it. It's a decent job and marked improvement with your skills and budget.

If your DH wants different either does it himself or he works more to fund it for professionals to do it.

Mauvehoodie · 22/08/2025 12:06

Mewling · 22/08/2025 12:01

The kitchen looks fantastic. Your DH is the real problem, he sounds enormously entitled and obviously used to getting his own way. I think the kitchen is a mask for what’s really going on here.

I totally agree with this.

I think you've done such an amazing job - I'm now eyeing my horrific kitchen wondering if I can pull off such a feat!

I can't believe how mean spirited and unsupportive your DH is being. Like he wants to bring down your achievements. If he says anything I'd respond "if you can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all..." with a stern look. Or just say "well, I love it so I'm super happy I put all that hard work in!" with a big smile and walk away. Keep reminding yourself how much YOU love it, don't let him bash down your achievements. You should be really proud of yourself.

Surely your FIL has seen the kitchen anyway? Maybe next time he's round you could just ask his advice about how to rehang the doors and he might swoop in and offer to do them?